My mother is ruining my life!!!

Question

I'm a 28 yr old who's about to get married in 10 days time. My mother has been making calls behind my back to my fiance telling him how he needs to be careful with me, how I don't pay any rent at her house, so how will I be able to live with him? 9 bear in mide we lived together for 3 years before. And general bad mouthing me, then telling him not to tell me anything. I live with her by the way. Also - when I tell her I can't help her with her work after my day job due to a yga class for example - she'll send me texts saying if I don't go, then she's pulling out of the wedding. Her & her guests & everything she has offered to pay for. I have never had a "pleasant" relationship with my mother, but I know I help her out in every way possible but never seem to get any sort of recognition back. I'm an only girl with 3 brotheres & she seems to treat me differently to them since I was a young age. Telling people not to compliment me (age 8/9) or I will get bigheaded. It's reached the point where I now know she's my worst enemy...but why?? My fiance feels she's jealous of me, and yet I have never competed with her - if anything I look up to her. Please help so I can hold on for a few more days without losing my top!!!

Answer 1

tell your mom to f*** off

Answer 2

Call her bluff - blank her completely and tell her she's not welcome at your wedding until she grows some respect and manners for you. She manipulates you and once a bully always a bully if they get away with it. If she hits you with 'I'm pulling out of the wedding' tell her fine, go ahead. She needs to let go of the apron strings and hand you over to your future husband.

Answer 3

my mum treated the boys better she was always alll over the men, i dont know why i think she had a bad relationship with her father and was trying to get approval from them.

i never had a good relationship with my mother  either.   how she is treating you is wrong, she is trying to control things and it is very childish I think she has lots of issues and needs counselling cos she could end up losing you.

its not your fault and dont blame yourself of course you want her love and acceptance but i think you have to accept that she is a difficult and mixed up person.

what she is doing is bad making life so hard for you and putting you down. dont put yourself down give yourself praise turn to God who will guide and be a good parent.  maybe she had a bad upbringing lacked love herself and attention.

the more attention you pay to what she does the more she is going to do it. it gives her a sense of power.  pray for her it will stop you getting bitter as well and relise it is her problem not yours.  I really feel for you cos i had a mother like it and remember how hurt i was  but raise  above it and get a self esteem book. love and god bless  

Answer 4

well your fiancee should just tell her he would prefer she stoped calling him

and then bite your teeth togheter and bend your head against the wind, this close to the wedding there is not much to be done, after it you can drop her like a hot potatoe

Answer 5

i know its really hard u need to sit and talk with ur mum about this and then u need to sit and tell ur fiancie about this and h**l understand mabye tell him about ur chat with ur mum

hope u fix it  

Answer 6

The relation of your mother towards you is like stepmother,this is really irritates she is women and doesnt understand her own daughter,how will she behave with her daughter inlaw.

DO you believe your fiance?

Does he trust you? Is he understanding/caring?

If yes dont bother urself in thinking that ur mom can break your marriage.

You just be cool and calm. may GOD help you,and wish you Happy married life in advance.

Answer 7

Is the wedding worth it? Is the marriage worth it?

What I think you and your fiance should do is this - simply go to the local registry office quietly with a couple of trusted friends, and get married there, and then feck off on your honeymoon a few days early, and here's the best bit: DON'T TELL YOUR MOTHER. Let her deal with the irate wedding guests, the cancelled wedding, the whole shebang - point out that she, after all, is the one paying for it, and has wanted full control of it from the start, so now it's her day, and wish her a lovely day. Have the minister read this from the altar, or something.

And you could always change your honeymoon plans, and go someplace else. Make sure you switch off your mobile phone, though.

And make sure those trusted friends are at the 'wedding' and have a camcorder to record your mother's face when she realises that she has been had. Priceless.

Answer 8

yer tell her 2 **** off

Answer 9

Beat her to the punch. Uninvite her to the wedding.  

Answer 10

tell her to leave you alone if she dont book a holiday so if she rings your going to be with your partner so you can hear what she says + you can have a break

Answer 11

Well firstly u need to make sure ur finance doesnt believ her and is strongly on ur side.

Secondly U need to move out of her home.

U need to become independent frm her and remove her fmr ur live.

Shes been a bad influence and bringin u down al ur life... n about the wedin my sister dint hav a weddin bcuz of her mother in law also ruinin everythin so she n her fiance went away for a short vacation and married on the ebach. Do the same, **** the big weddin and al the geusts wts most important is u n ur fiance dnt let ur mother pay for nethin cuz she wil only use it against u

Answer 12

Take it easy for now & you & your man smile sweetly - get married & then have nothing more to do with her for 5 years

She is trying to sabotage 1 of the most important days of yr life - that's nasty.  But she may feel she did everything for you & what for?  

Just so you could walk out the door happy whilst she is just old & wasted ?

Is there anything you can do that would make her really happy.?

What about a speech at the wedding to thank her for bringin you up & letting you go?

Answer 13

Spit the dummy hon! she deserves it! You have a great wedding!

Answer 14

Jealousy .... Your mother is jealous of your husband to be

you said you still live at home. this is probably the reason she thinks that if she ruins the relationship then you will stop at her house stil bein her little girl

so all you need to do is sit her down and say to her that yur still her daughter and you wil never stop visiting her

Answer 15

get rid of her she sounds evil!!  your mum sounds like my mother! I haven't spoken to her in 3 years!

Answer 16

Listen, it sounds to me like your moms a CONTROL FREAK. And out of the 3 kids, your the one she can control. It sounds like your brothers won't allow her to control them. And you are allowing it.  Stop allowing her to run your life with things she wants to give you that she knows you want. I know it's hard to do anything now about your up coming wedding, but after the wedding, you have to stop allowing her to dangle things in front of you that she knows you want!! Make a decision, and get away from her controlling ways. Believe me, I know what your going through. I had a sister who did these types of things for years. I don't allow it anymore. Shes using you. STOP ALLOWING IT!!!  Good luck.

Answer 17

You have two options.

1) Bite your tongue and pull out all stops to be the best daughter ever for the next few days.  Once the wedding is done, cut all ties with your Mother.

2) To heck with her!  If she wants to cancel the wedding, let her.  You, your other half, close fmaily and friends go off to a Registry Office and get married *without your Mum there*.  She'll think she has the upper hand but as Orla says, it'll be priceless to see her face when she finds how spectacularly it has backfired.