My mother ruined my credit while I was in college. How do I forgive her?

Question

While I was in college, I never signed up for a lot of credit cards and things like that. In fact, I graduated from college with ZERO credit cards of my own. Fast forward 3 years and I check my credit report after being turned down for an apartment. I shows that I was listed as an authorized user on 5 of my mother's MAXED OUT and delinquent credit cards. One even resulted in a judgement!!!!

I'm so angry with her for not letting me know that she had listed me (and only me) as an authorized user without me knowing about it. We had a huge fight, she apoligized and said that she kept it from me all of this time because she didn't think it would show up on MY credit history...just hers. Well, it does and now my credit score is a 589! VERY LOW. I can't get approved for virtually anything and am having a hard time finding another place to live.

How do I forgive her for things that will affect me for the next 7 years?!

Answer 1

The first thing you should do is contact all the credit reporting agencies and have a note put in your file as to what happened.  At least then if anybody runs your credit, they will see the note.  Next get yourself a secured credit card.  Usually you will have to put $300-$500 down as a deposit and you'll only have the deposit as your credit limit but start establishing your own credit history and maintain it well.  Also start to educate yourself on credit scoring.  A 589 is below average but it is not very low.  The average credit score in the US is 692.  Half the people have a higher score and half the people have a lower score.  You can start increasing your credit score by paying bills on time and using the credit that has been afforded to you responsibly.  As time goes on, older debt will not be counted as much as your newer activity and if you are being responsible, you'll see your score go up.  Work to forgive your mother.  What she did was wrong.  She probably did not understand what she was doing and how it would affect you.  But it's something you can work through.  When I came out of college, because of mistakes with credit cards, I had a score around 590 but I cleared up old accounts, opened a few new credit accounts, took out a car loan (with a high interest rate), and became fiscally responsible.  In about 4 years, I took my 590 to an 801.

Answer 2

Turn her into the cops.

Answer 3

you can forgive but don't forget

this is a good lesson for anyone

check your credit history every six months.

I did the same for my son and his credit history instantly became 769.

he never abused it and now he has his own cards

I'm sorry for you and your mom

Answer 4

well yourmother is either lying or is completley ignorant.

I really don't blame you for being p!ssed.

i don't know what to tell you.

a 589 isnt the wrost credit, but far from good.

could they garnish your wages because of this???

Answer 5

You affected her for far more than 7 years.

What she did is certainly wrong and something to get upset about, but if you cannot let it go then you will permanently damage the relationship you have with your mother.

Take some time, let the anger out, and then decide what is more important, your family, or your anger.

Answer 6

take legal action or dont for 7 years, that unfair

REVENGE!

Answer 7

You just do.  She is your mother.  Trust me when I tell you that she could be gone tomorrow.  She was obviously going through something or she probably would not have done that.

Answer 8

Dispute it with the credit bureaus. I worked for a credit card company for 5 years and your credit should not have been ruined as an authorized user. You are only a USER on the account and that is all you have no responsibility for the account and the only thing you can do with that account would be to make payments, so your mother was right.

As a JOINT USER that is when it should be showing up on your credit report, because as a JOINT USER you are saying that you are willing to share responsibility on this account and you are needing to build up your credit and so on and so forth. You would know for sure if you were a joint user because you would've had to sign something and given your SS# and so on.

If you have any questions, I will be glad to help you

Don't be angry with your mother because SHE WAS RIGHT. it is NOT supposed to show up on your credit history

So apologize to your mom and let me know if you have questions ;0)

Answer 9

Wow.  That is unbelievable, I mean I do believe you but that is just wrong.  I am not sure how you would begin to work through that.  She violated your trust, took your credit away from you, I could go on but you know what she did.  The trust for me would be the biggest thing.  Trying to get it fixed would be another.  

I would call each credit card company and ask if you are an authorized signer or a joint person on the account.  Find out if you are indeed responsible for any of these debts.  If you are, you may want to file bankruptcy on them, at least the clock will stop ticking and your credit will improve much more rapidly than if you let her take care of it, I think she has done enough.  Once you have control of the situation, then work on the relationship.  Your mom needs some serious help.  First with her mental state and then with her finances.  No mother in their right mind would put thier child in such a position.  She may be into drinking, drugs, or gambling.  She may have a disorder that causes her to shop all the time.  I don't imagine she has anything to show for the debt.  

I am sorry for you.  This is a bigger mark on your heart than it is on your credit score.  I hope things work out for you.  You didn't deserve that!!  Once your mom gets help and is able to see the full scope of what she did, you may be able to salvage something of your relationship but it will never really be the same.  You love your parent, but you have every right to be angry.

Answer 10

I can't possibly know what's alls going on, but it sounds like your mom has issues. Understanding what would make her do that and feeling sorry for her might help you forgive her. Staying mad at her won't boost your credit rating. It sounds like you are being the grown up. Be proud of yourself for that!

Answer 11

I am sorry for your situation.

My friend went into the Army and was in Saudi and then Iraq and Kuwait. He did as his command suggested and gave his mother power of attorney over his financial affairs (which weren't much his bank account that received his meager E-2 salary, and his car payment).

His story is nearly identical to yours; went to get an apartment, was turned down for bad credit. His mom also got many credit cards, maxed them out, and was late on the payments.

He yanked the power of attorney and forgave his mother eventually.

Sooo, what did she do with the second chance her son had given her?

She had a photocopy of the power of attorney, and behind his back, she continued to abuse his credit until he finally took legal action against her.

His mother and your mother have a mental problem and they are convinced they are entitled to destroy your credit.

Your mom is damaged goods and you should stay away from her, as my friend ended up having to do.

I am very sorry for the loss of your credit and your mother.

Answer 12

only time will heal this problem. NO matter what, she needs to pay off those cards, or at least give you the money to make sure payments are being made. If you have proof that it was her that did this, besides just her word, you can file fraud charges on her and take her to small claims court to make her pay you for this. From now one, check each credit company once every three months (allowed by law-just don't check all three at once, spread them one, 1 the 1st, in 3 months, use the next one and so on.)  Best of luck