My mother told me I am a rotten mom, but its not true! How to get rid of these words in my head?

Question

When my son was 2 weeks old, I ran away from an abusive husband, and fought for a year to get a divorce. I went to live with my parents and am now in the process of moving out. My son is 4 now. My mother used to constantly tell me what a rotten lousy mom I am and that if I left, she would call CPS. She is angry and controlling. The fact is that I nursed for 3 years, quit my job to run an at home play group (which is very sucessful) so I could be with him, and did lots of great things. I also fough 3 protracted court battles to keep this kid safe from the ex. Now that I am moving, it is dawning on me, that tho Im not perfect, Im not what she said I am either. So how do I get rid of this label I have for myself in my head, and start getting some self esteem as a mom???

Answer 1

Sweetie, the only person you have to please when you look in the mirror is you. You've got to take control of your life and stop listening to

your mom. Give yourself credit for what you have done right in raiseing

your son and learn from your mistakes (there are NO PERFECT parents ). Look how your mom has failed you, she's not a perfect mom.

I"m sure your mom just wants you to be a responible mom to your son

but she totally went about it the wrong way. You need encouragement

not put downs. Maybe in time your mom will give you some praise but

if she doesn't that's okay because you can just look at your beautiful

child and find peace from within. God bless you and I hope I have helped in some way.

Answer 2

When I was in my mid-20s, my mother told me I'd always be broke and never have anything.  At the same time, she bragged about my sister and her husband and how successful they were.

  

My mother has since passed away, my sister divorced, brother in law convicted of a felony, and my sister owes me money (and has for years - I don't expect to be paid back).  

I'm retired (at 55), have 2 girls in college, and am debt free.

  

I'll always remember Mom's words, but I enjoy the fact that she was wrong.  I love my late mothe - the words didn't make me angry or bitter.  I just proved her wrong.  

  

Answer 3

Some parents think that anybody else who doesn't raise their children in the way they did is wrong. I am sure that your mother means well, but you are obviously not making the same choices she did and she is trying to interfere. That is not to say that she is right. However, she is also your mother and you probably do need her in your life. Perhaps she just doesn't want you to leave? Why don't you try to sit down with her and talk about it?

Only you know what is best for your child. Having raised children before you, your mother could probably help you out in some ways. Do not be afraid to ask her for advice when you need it, but make it very clear to her that if she wants to see her grandson after you move out, she has to support your choices. You sound like a good, sensible person who puts the needs of her child above all others. The world needs more mothers like that. Good luck to you and to your son in the future.

Answer 4

Shame on your mom!

Answer 5

remind yourself of all the things she did wrong raising you... not much but it's a start, also look at your son... is he healthy? happy? you obviously have to be doing some things right :)

Answer 6

i am so sorry to hear this.  my mother is almost as bad. almost.

maybe your mom is feeling guilty because she thought SHE was a lousy mother (as she should for talking to you like this).  Maybe she is just trying to make herself feel better by trying to convince you that you are no better than her.  

my advice:   RUN!!  she is abusive like your ex husband. i dont care if she is your mother, this is unacceptable behaviour on her part.  Maybe she is the reason you were drawn to an abuser to marry.....

ONly you can help yourself with more self esteem.  counselling may help, but you are the one that has to belive you are a GREAT MOM!!! Just look at your son for guidance.  Every time he smiles at you, gives you a hug, and tells you he loves you (and i know he does these things), be assured that you are THE BEST MOM IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!

everytime we tell our children we love them, we make the world a better place.

Answer 7

You are a smart,  your a loving mom who got out of an abusive relationship.  You sound great.  Not many women can get out.  Thank God you did.  I dont get where your mom is coming from at all.

Your mom sounds like the one with the problem.  You did what most women wish they were strong enough too.  I got out of a bad relationship too.  My kids are healthy and happy, dont think they would be if I had stayred.  Always go with your heart as a mom just how youve been doing.  Best of luck to you...and  your son..

P.s I nursed for 3 yrs too.. people thought I was nuts but I have no regrets...