My mum has been so nasty to me recently, help!?

Question

My mum and I usually get on well though we are not close, we hadn't had any serious fallings out since I was a teenager (10 years ago). She recently had my 4yr old to stay over for a few days. When she dropped him off she told me he had misbehaved a bit whilst there so I told him to apologise to her. After this she kept going on at him and then said she didn't want to talk to him because he was bad to her. I took her aside and asked her to let it go as it had already been dealt with. She flew off the handle and started calling me a brat and was shouting at me in front of my kids and started accusing me of calling her a child abuser!!! I was so shocked by her behaviour I didn't know what to say. I kept asking her what was going on but she kept shouting at me. I had to ask her to leave because the kids were getting scared, she then ran out of my house calling me a ****** and that she's never coming back. She left me in complete shock and the kids crying. She hasn't contacted me since but has obviously been slagging me off to my dad because he is ignoring me too now. I can't believe she has done this and I feel so angry that I am getting the blame when all I have done is try to be civil. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

Ah parents can be useless.  Ignore them till they come begging for forgiveness.

Answer 2

Cry us a ******* river

Answer 3

She obviously has a problem, no decent parent would call their daughter a ***** for starters ! To be honest I wouldn't want my child to be with people who speak like that.

Maybe you could organise to pop around there, on your own, & ask her what her problem is exactly - why is she so defensive & angry ?!

Good luck.

Answer 4

your mum has evidentally got a bee in her bonnet, i always have the view of if a child has been naughty you deal with it there and then and after it has been dealt with it should be over, childrens minds are like fish they forget what there being punished for, your mum is in the wrong and she should have dealt with it completly different, children dont understand they forget but shes obviously forgotten how old he is as she's treating him much older, you cant hold grudges where children are concerned.

i'm sorry honey your mother was in fault on this one you were right, i am only 24 yrs old and i know if that was my mum i would have responded exactly the same. its nothing you have said or done, leave her to it, let her come to you if she's not putting herself out for your children then its her loss not yours, its her choice and she would be mad to ignore all of you.

when she comes round and stops with her childish ways (which she will) make her earn her relationship back not with money or sweets but being a mum and a nan, let her gradually have the children as its not fair on them being in the middle of this angry nan of thiers.

sorry if i sound nasty, but you sound like a fantastic mother, i just dont want you to get hurt as when you do your children are too, you know she was in the wrong, you know kids are kids and its up to us to mould them into the great members of the public, so keep your head up let your mum grovel to you nothing matters but you and your precious children take care love stacey xx

Answer 5

try to ignore your mum for a long time til they will like come to you..and let's see who will wave the white flag..

parents cant try to ignore their children for a long time..

Answer 6

She sure is having a problem of some sort.  I was glad to hear you aren't a teenager, kids living with their parents when their parents become nasty have an even worse time.

What might the problem(s) be?  Any number of possibilities, and you may even have an idea, or your dad may know.  Could be the bottle, maybe she's abusing a prescription, maybe early Alzheimers, menopause (you don't say how old she is), perhaps she's always had a tumultuous relationship with your father and she's finally breaking with the stress, maybe a very long past trauma that is coming home to roost.

As an adult child you have a lot of options.  The first thing you must do is set clear boundaries about how she may behave around your children.  You can't let her scare them (or you, particularly), and must firmly assert her need to get control of herself and/or leave.  At this point I'd be wary of letting her back around the kids at all until she had worked out her issue (not simply said "sorry, won't do it again").  You love her, yes, but don't let her treat you or those you must protect in this way.

Explain to your kids that grandma isn't well.  You might also consider the fact that you made your child apologize for something without hearing his side of it.  It is possible that there was nothing to apologize for, and this will make him confused.  It's a natural mistake, and one that could be easily rectified by inviting them to talk about what happened with grandma, how they felt, validating their feelings (not necessarily their behavior, but definitely their feelings), and then promising them that you will keep them safe, not leaving them in grandma's care until she's well again.  You don't have to share with your mother that you're doing this, but it will go a long way toward restoring what is likely your children's slipping trust in your ability to protect them from people's inappropriate anger.

I know what kind of heartache this causes.  If she's of an age, and particularly if your dad or siblings agree, a medical checkup is definitely in order.

Answer 7

There is only one answer.

Kung-Fu.......

Answer 8

Well you have to get to the bottom of it dont you for all your sakes/

Can you get someone to look after the children and just go round and see her and ask her what on earth happened that she kicked off like that?  If she starts screaming and shouting dont rise to the bait but sit and wait and say that you are not going until you understand what the problem is.  Be calm.  Be reasonable and understand that there may be something else that is worrying your mother at this time.

Speak to your father too because he shouldnt be cold shouldering you without hearing what you have to say.

Sometimes it just is the case that parents and children are not close though.  It isnt however, fair that your children have seen their grandmother act this way.  So talk to them too and say that Granny was just upset and that it will all sort itself out.

Answer 9

This sounds like a serious situation. You might want to get a family counselor involved so that you can all talk about your problems together but also with organization. On a piece of paper write down the incident and the things that you need to discuss with your parents and the counselor if you choose to go in the professional direction. Also tell your kids not to worry about the incident, as they may still be worried about what happened. Ask your Mom exactly what happened to make her explode like that. Tell her that you love her very much and that you want to have a good relationship with and that you don't want to feel distant. I really hope that this will help and I hope the situation is resolved soon.  

Answer 10

intense...try  going over and talking to your pop

Answer 11

I would try to talk to your dad to see if maybe your mom has been sick or something.  There may be something physical going on that might be causing her to act so strange.

I would insist on your dad talking to you.  

If you can't get anything out of them, then try contacting some other family members, siblings, aunts, uncles, whoever, to see if they know anything.

I am also wondering if your parents didn't do something wrong, and are scared they'll get found out.

Answer 12

Sounds like she's hitting the bottle. Maybe she's on drugs. If this is out of character for her see about getting her committed for a few days for evaluation.