My mum has no time for me at all.?

Question

I'm 14 years old and my mum has no time for me. My Dad died when I was seven from cancer, so I only live with my Mum and my brother. My brother is a few years older and we are hardly on speaking terms, we fight a lot. My Mum recently got a new boyfriend, who is nine years older than she is, and I dont particually like him. She is always going out with him, for meals and to things on a night time, and also throughout the day, for day trips and so. Another thing is that he is constantly round our house and we see him at least once every day. My Grandma and Grandad are very old and frail, so mum spends a lot of time with them too. My problem is that Mum has not time for me whatsoever and whenever I do see her, she is always tired and brushes me away. She does not work, so that isnt a problem. as she has too much to deal with with my grandparents and now her older bloke, although he is the first one in seven years. I'm quite a shy person, so don't like talking to people in person about my problems. Please Help. and tell me what to do! Thanks! xx

Answer 1

i have the same problem..i would recommend telling your mum you feel left out and want to spend more time with her

good luck xxxx

Answer 2

Would it help if you left a note for your mom telling her how you feel?  That way, you don't have to talk to her, and you can still get your point across.  What if you talk to another person, and that person can tell your mom?  A friend?  Your mom's boyfriend?  Grandma?  Grandpa?  Anybody that you fell comfortable talking to.  

Answer 3

well when me and my mum fight, i also don't like to talk

to her about it, so i write her letters, and tell her to write back, try that

Answer 4

i had the same problem wiht my mum, she was always too busy to talk to me and  like me and my siblings raised each other, and what did i do? nothing and i have regretted it ever since, i am now 31 and do not have a great reationship with her i really wish i had told her how i felt when i was your age. you need to sit her down and tell her how you feel, she her this is you cant get the words out. i suggest you make bullet points so that you can keep to the issues and dont get side tracked, this will help you keep you emotions in check a little as all though you need to show her how you feel, blubbling on her isnt going to help if you cant get your words out.

good luck and although its hard just think this is a means to an end and its important you do it, you wont regret it.

Answer 5

Your mum is probably worried about your grandparents and after being single for 7 years, excited about meeting someone she feels strongly about and can trust. With the stress and excitement she probably has little time to realize that she hasn't spent as much time with you so try not to accuse her as I'm sure you want her to be happy as well. Write her a letter and tell her you're happy for her that she's found someone she likes and that you know she has a hard time looking after your grandparents but that you want to spend time with her too and do more things together because you miss it. Slip it under her door if you don't want to hand it to her personally and you can do it at night time if you don't want a confrontation. But you should definitely tell her how you feel, just try not to be too harsh.

Answer 6

I'm really sorry to hear that. Is there anyway you can say: "Mom, I need to sit down with you and have a heart-to-heart talk?"  You should tell her just as you tell us on here.  Sometimes people have no idea how they are being until you bring it to their attention.  Secondly, pray for her and your relationship.  That is really important. Lastly, schedule a time to speak with a counselor at your school.  This could be really beneficial.  

In this fast-paced world, it's easy to get sucked away from the things that matter most, so like I said... It may take nothing more than simply bringing it to her attention.  Ask her if just the 2 of you can go to lunch one day.  Or if there's something you know your mom is particularly interested in, (like a hobby), ask to do it with her or ask her questions about it to show your interest.  Another idea is making a scrapbook for her of the two of you and your brother in it.  This is a way of showing her how much your relationship means to you.

I'll pray for ya too!

Answer 7

well...you can speak with your mum..talking is the best thing..your mum might think that you dont love her ...because you dont talk with her...and normally 14 year old kids..go out with friends ..and mess on at night..and be on the XBOX or somthing...but u seem like a good lad..

try spending time with her..and telling how you feel..right now i think she got lots of things in her head....

so when you see her around the house..help her with the cleaning..and compliment her..and then she will feel happy.....dont worry..everyone gets this when their fourteen..so it will be alright...just hang in there..and work hard at school..

and ask her questions that you dont know..so this gets you two talking..and buy her somthing nice.. at least say i love you mum....then she will probz cuddle you ...and everythin will be fine

you just concenrate on your studies and get good marks then she will be very more proud of you .. and help and support you all the way

hope i helped ...good luck !!  

Answer 8

welcome to life my dear, time to start flapping your wiings and stop depending on Mommy

Answer 9

Unfortunately I don't see any reason for you to 'do' anything.  Your mother is dating someone new.  It sounds more like you are a bit jealous of this person (normal feeling) and the attention she is lavishing on him.  Pretty soon the novelty of a new guy will wear off and she'll turn back into mom.   Until then just sit back and let her do her thing.  She is human, after all.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 10

Perhaps you could offer to help a little with your grandparents, in exchange for some quality one-on-one time with your mom.

You also need to tell her how you feel and work towards setting aside a little time each day just for each other.  It may require some creativity, but it can be done.  For example, could you do some of the laundry or marketing, freeing up a little of your mom's time??  You'd need to tactfully let her know that you are doing this so you two can spend some time together.

Finally, it sounds as though you and your brother's relationship needs a "hero".  Step up and be the one to try to heal things, even if you are actually the one that has been wronged.  You need each other, probably more than you realize.  Take the first step...

Good luck and keep at it, things have a way of working out IF you keep working on them.  :)

Answer 11

id lovee for my mom to have no time for me

but still this isnt the situation for you right now

just talk to your mom and tell her that you miss her and shes not spendin any time with you.

hope this helped good luck

Answer 12

why dont you sit her down and tell her all of this...or maybe you said oyu did who knows your post was too long :)  

Answer 13

hhhmmm... It sounds like you need to just pull her aside, maybe while she is doing the dishes or something, and just say " Mum, I really feel like we're not spending enough time together." Maybe you can ask her to set one evening aside per week, and take you out for a meal or a special outing. This way, she'll continue to overcome her busy schedule and still have time to spare with you.  

Answer 14

since you don't feel comfortable talking to her, you should write her a letter telling her how you feel. let her know that you understand that she needs to have a life (dating) but that you want to spend more time with her. suggest setting aside a certain time once a week just for the two of you.

Answer 15

just get over your shyness and talk to your mom

or ask her to do something with you

ask her "can we go to a movie?"

or something else

if she asks to bring her bf, say no, i want just us to go

Answer 16

Friends are the most important things you can have in a time like this. I would also try talking to your mom and tell her that you really would like to spend more time with her. I'm sure if you tell her everything you are feeling she will listen to you. She probably doesn't even realize that she is doing this, especially if you haven't said anything to her. You could even try talking to your brother more about it. Chances are that he could be feeling the same way, and this could bring you guys closer.  

Answer 17

That sounds pretty tough for you.  I wouldn't begrudge your mom a relationship with her new boyfriend, she needs companionship.  And I'm sure the taking care of her aging parents is very difficult.  I know that it can be very straining.  This may sound very cliche but if you talk to her and tell her how you feel maybe you can make a date once a week to see a movie or just sit down to dinner and talk.  Could you possibly help her out with your grandparents so she might have some free time or maybe that can be the time that you spend with her if nothing else seems to work.  If she can't seem to make the time for you then you make time with her.  Sometimes parents tend to put their children on the back burner without even noticing they are doing it so communicating to her how you feel is very important.  

Answer 18

give her a break, she's been through a lot

( not that you havent too )

but be happy for her, and find your own interests

offer to help with the grandparents occasionally, pitch in, and help her make time for you

guess what, in a couple of years it will be you with little

time for her.  

Answer 19

i think the best way to figure this situation out is to talk with your mom. communication is essential. i am pretty sure your mom isn't meaning to ignore you. with your mom's boyfriend maybe you don't like him because he is taking your mom away fro you. i think that once you see your mom's side and understand the situation more it would be easier and also if you got to know her boyfriend you might actually like him! ; ]

Answer 20

Im 14 too so i know exactly how you fill. I dont like my stepfather either, I had an older brother that i loved very much but he passed away, and my father is in jail for idk what. But just like you i didnt get to spend much time with my mom. she leaves early in the morning for work so when i wake up she is gone and plus when she gets back she is mearly ready to go to sleep so, whenever i can, i just try to talk to her and make her laugh or make her hapy like cleaning up the house and cleaning her car, helping with random stuff and having interest in the things she do

Answer 21

I am really sorry! The same thing happened to mi friends mom & her. You should ask your mom if their is any chance she could spend time wit you. Why not go and see your grandparents wit her? Ask her if you could do something wit just her, & only her for a day. If she agrees, great! If not, then just keep trying different things to spend time wit her.

Answer 22

You need to get a hold of yourself and stop your mother from doing something for at least a minute and tell her how you really feel. She's your mother, and she'll have to do acknowledge that you're upset. If something's bothering me, I'd get worried about crying. But crying helps you feel better and she'll figure out how to make you feel better. Good luck.

Answer 23

my moms the same............ it sux, but my moms not as bad. keep ur head up high!

Answer 24

if i were you i would talk to your mum and tell her how you feel!

Answer 25

get a tissue and wipe your eyes, ok now your 14 years old your not a little kid that needs mom around 24/7. But you need to tell your mom that you need to speak to her and you would like to go out for lunch and talk just you and her.  Ok then tell her that you would like to spend sometime together like once a week. that you never spend time with just me.  If she can find it in her busy schedule to pick a day out of the week and share some time with you.  She shouldn't have a problem with that.  Just the girls day or go out to dinner or go bowling, or shopping or go to the spa.  And since your grandparents are that old go with your mom and help her out with them.  your 14 you can help her that way and spend time with the grandparents also.  They would like that too.  Good Luck Dear