My mum read my diary.. And thinks IM in the wrong?

Question

Well, basically I knew my diary had been moved. Today after an argument my mum admitted to reading it, but isnt happy with some of the stuff I wrote. She now no longer trusts me becaue ive "lied to her" but surely I should be the one not trusting her, seeing as shes gone though my personal stuff and totally invaded my privacy. Shes still angry with me for some of the things I'd written and not told her about, but surely this is a message to her, that I dont trust her and feel as if I have to confide in writing in a book rather than speaking to my own mother?

She isnt even allowing me to feel angry at her, but i strongly believe she is in the wrong. She refuses to see it.

What can I do? Im upset, hurt and angry, and feel betrayed.

Answer 1

I will admit that reading ones diary is wrong, HOWEVER, no one here knows why she did it.  There can be well enough reasons.  She may have thought you were having s*x, doing drugs, etc etc.  And this was the only way she could find out.

You shouldn't lie to your mom anyway.

Answer 2

i dont blame you for being upset, your mum should never have read your diary, how would she like it if you went through her private stuff?

you will have to sit down and have a proper conversation (when you have calmed down about situation) and tell her she should never have gone through your diary, explain how she made you feel and that you would tell her more things if she was more approachable..tell her why your not comfortable discussing some things with her.. and hopefully you will sort something out.

try not to get angry or upset when discussing this,  take the "grown up, calm , mature" approach.

im sure you'll sort things out..good luck

"kill the lights" is right when she says she tells her mum the important stuff and the rest is hers...your mum should be there for the important issues, but anything else is your business.

Answer 3

Your mum was very wrong to read your diary, and you have evry right to feel upset, hurt and angry, a diary is your private thoughts, and should stay that way,.

Answer 4

mums will always read diaries given half a chance--a basic fact of life

Answer 5

You are NOT in the wrong. You are an individual and you are allowed to have your own private thoughts and feelings, every one does and I'm sure she does too. What you mother did was VERY wrong and a severe invasion of privacy and she has just lost your trust. Instead of gaining your trust and helping your mother daughter bond she has just impaired it. You are your own person and you are allowed to have your own private thoughts and feelings.

You were not betraying her or lying to her for writing down your own private thoughts and feelings. She betrayed you. You were simply doing what a lot of people do and writing them down because it helps you see things more clearly and sort through feelings and issues so you do not bottle them up. It is not a way to lie to your mother and to keep things from her as she is trying to make it out to be. I know a lot of people whe keep a diary and then 20 years later read it and remember the way they felt, the things they were going through. It is a way to look back in to your childhood and see how you have changed and what you have been through. You need to tell your mother that. People do not keep a diary to spite their mothers, they keep it to have insight in to their present feelings and then as time goes by, their past.

You need to let her know how hurt you are. Let her know that you feel emotionally raped by her. You especially need to let her know that by doing those types of things she will only push you away and only make you distance yourself from her.

Maybe your mother read it to see what you had on your mind or what was going on in your life because the two of you don't talk or see eye to eye? That does not make it right for her to have read it but it may help the both of you a lot to sit down and have a serious talk so she does not feel the need to raid your private belongings. If your mother starts to yell at you or place all blame on you... you be the adult and you tell her that you want to have a discission with her, not and argument. Calmly tell her to let you speak without her interuption. Tell her that you understand why she may have done it and that you understand how SHE feels, but then also tell her how YOU feel. Do not make it one sided because it is very much 2 sided.

You may both learn a lot if you listen to what eachother has to say.

I know exactly how you feel. When I was 13 my mom read my diary and I had notes from my best friend in my diary.

She read his notes and my diary and then told me I was never allowed to see him again and actually took me out of school and I was not allowed to leave the house for exactly 8 months. I was only FORCED to leave the house when she left because I was not allowed to be without her supervision at all. I turned a pale white from lack of sun, I slept more that 14 hours a day. I cried or would just sit there and zone out. I did not eat and I was suffering badly.

My best friend was a boy and also g*y, which she read in his letters and then told his parents and the entire school found out. My best friend never talked to me after that and I was very hurt.

I was not having s*x, I did not do drugs, I went to a private school and was a good kid and got good grades. I had never done anything to lead my mom to feel I could not be trusted.

I poured my heart and soul in to my diary. And he poured his heart and soul in to the private letters he wrote to me. It was childish things such as crushes we had. Fellings we had about our parents, teachers, our lives at the time. Our secret and private feelings that we chose to share with eachother or that I wrote in my private diary. She had to right to read them.

She was just a mean, spiteful and controling woman. I was not her child, I was her dog and she owned me. I was not allowed to have a bedroom door, she took it off the hinges so she could always see what I was doing. She raided my room, backpack and belongings on a regular basis. I was not allowed to go anywhere or do anything at all. I had to be perfect or I was a piece of cr*p in her and my fathers eyes.

She would make up lies to my father about me who was never home so he would beat me when he found out. I hated him for a while but not as much as her because I felt he was only acting upon what she was telling him to do. She was always slapping me in the face and made me feel like c**p. Once I splashed water on her at the sink, hardly any and it was only because I was playing and being funny, it was less than a tbs of water. She slapped me in the face, called me names and made me eat soap and sent me to bed with no dinner. I just cried as I always did. If I was not being beaten with a brush, belt, yard stick, being burned which I have several scars from, being called names or being starved I was being mentally torchered.

My school counsler saw bruises on my face several times and my mother would lie. I would also go along with her lies to keep myself from being beaten by my mother or father.

I started to snap and seriously thought about ways to kill her and get away with it. I was seriously planning her death. I would steal my fathers gun, hold her at gun point and make her get in the car, I would then have her drive to a clliff where I would make her drive the car off but I would jump out just before it went off. Or I would insist we go hiking, which would have been hard to convince her of. Then I would push her off a cliff and make it seem like an accident. Or I would take my fathers gun, call her in the room and then shoot her. I would then call 911 and then tell them I was playing with my fathers gun, just to see what it was and out of curiosity, then I would say my mother came in the room and startled me while I had it in my hands, then I would say it "just went off". Purley accidental. Who would believe a 13 year old would murder her mother? Especially one as well behaved as myself. I never got in any trouble at school and was the teachers pet almost EVERY year. I even had teachers visit me and bring me books during the summer. My mom would always lie and say I was not there.

So finally at 14 I ran away from home. Something I had thought about since the age of 6. I got caught and went back to her, where I was sent to live with an aunt. Who I should have let help me. At that point I wanted nothing to do with family or adults. So I did not let my aunt in who wanted badly to help me. And I ran away from her.

I then got sent from house to house, ran away several times. Went to a childrens home for a while. Went in to childrens homes for mentally disturbed kids who had no one else who would take them. Then went back to my father, when my mother was finally out of the picture. She moved states and had forgotten about me and knew I would never allow myself to be in her care ever again. I would kill myself before that ever happend.

I lived with my father for the last 2 years of my childhood. He was hardly home, he would be gone for days and sometimes weeks at a time so I got left alone. My mother was not there to tell him how bad I was or to make him hurt me. So I was the happiest I had been in years. Then literally less than 2 weeks after turining 18, I moved states and set out on my own.

Life has been and gotten much better. I still have a lot of issues... as you all can probably read.

I don't have anyone to tell them to so I come online and post them so I can feel like I am talking to someone about my story or my past or my feelings. Sometimes better than a diary because no one knows who you are so they can not judge you and I could also care less what they think of me anyway.

Anyway.... to the diary girl, if you have even read this far in to my ranting and ravings please know that it will get better.

You are being a young person and an individual and there is nothing wrong with it. You live your life and you learn from your mistakes, actions and experience. There are a lot of things that no matter how hard your mother will try to teach you them, you will have to learn and fugure out on your own.

But, if your mother is not as mine was and a she is loving, kind, cares about you and wants a real mother daughter bond with you it would be better for you and a real treasure if you let her in on some things and you both embrassed eachother.

Your mom is a person too, and I am sure she has her insecurities and she needs you and wants to know you and be a part of your life before you grow up and become a woman.

Good luck my dear, I hope everything works out okay!

Answer 6

She had no right to read your diary.

Answer 7

Ah, do all mother's read their children's diaries? My mom read both mine and my sister's. It's a horrible feeling because obviously, very private things are written in it. It is very frustrating and embarrassing...after all, you didn't read a book about all their feelings did you? The only think I know to say is to either stop writing in a diary or keep it somewhere out of her reach..maybe a locker at school? I know it sucks, but that's the beauty of hiding private things from your mother...haha. I believe it is important for a person to have their secrets and you shouldn't have to tell your mother EVERYTHING. But, I can understand if you lied to her about some serious stuff that she probably felt like she needed to know. Can you talk to her an admit that, yea you lied but how you feel so betrayed by her, and that things like this don't make you want to tell her anything? It's ok, I think all girl's have been in this boat...it's hard.

Answer 8

well i thnk dat like it wuld b ok for ur mom to b mad at u if u wrote in da diary about sumthing u were doing dats was like dangerous like hangin out wit like guys dat r like 18 or 20 or sumthin like dat

otherwise if u were jus talkin bout othr stuff dat yea u didnt tell her bt wasnt supr bad den yea it wasnt rite

n no u shuld be mad not her

u b mad

unless it was hella bad

lol it rymhd lol

k

Answer 9

i feel so bad for you. try to give ur mom the silent treatment and resent her. she had no right to do that.. mabey try to find her diary if she has one and steal it or read it.. get back at her

Answer 10

I'd feel betrayed, but on the other hand, I prefer to keep anything personal in my head and not in a diary or anywhere thats accessable by anyone for that matter...

Why do you need to write things down in a diary that annoy you anyways?  If they annoyed you, your very likely to remember what it was anyway and your even more likely to remember good times that your parents wouldn't agree with, so why leave a trail that others can pickup on.

Thats just the way I see it, maybe its a girl thing?  I don't know.

Answer 11

she should no a girl dairy is a place were a girl can right done her thoughts that she cant talk to any one about why don't you say mum could you not read my dairy again cause it my place were i can write down how i feel that i cant talk to any one about not even you then if i was you i would think of one place were she could find it and noisy at it. i no if my mum done that i would be very upset. i would say that to my mum and she would understand but if your mum doesn't understand and says something horribly after you told her then say there mum iv told you how i feel about u Reading my dairy and like i said i would really like you not to read it then walk away and go and do some thing that might give her the gilt trip then

Answer 12

THATS WHY NO ONE SHOULD WRITE DOWN STUFF DUH YOU SHOULD KNOW ONE DAY THAT SOMEONE IS GOING TO READ IT ESPECIALLY YOUR PARENTS.PEOPLE NEED TO HAVE COMMON SENSE

Answer 13

your mom had absolutey NO right to read ur diary because its YOURS and should be kept where ur mom cant find it... and you should be angry @ her cuz she had no right to do that

Answer 14

be angry at her

Answer 15

she had no right to go through your diary

and its an invasion of trust reading it without your permission too

your allowed to be angry and to feel hurt

Answer 16

Omg! i would be soooo ticked if my mom did that. tell her that its your life and you should be aloud to have emotions without her control. Tell her that you dont like talkin to her and thats why you wrote it in a book. then giv her the silent treatment and if you have to talk to her lik give her an answer or somthin, say it really rudely

Answer 17

your mum was wrong the only thing i can think of is maybe your mum thought you were depressed or you are behaving oddly that your mum was worried about you and may have thought  reading your diary might help her to help you ask your mum to stay out your room as you can do your own room and if i was you i would keep your diary with you at all times try talking again to your mum ask her if she would like you to go through her private things if not then why did she go through yours

Answer 18

I always think it's interesting when kids who are caught by their parents having done something that they are ashamed of or lied to their parents about suddenly start claiming the right of privacy . . . as if privacy rights were more important than having done something to betray the trust in the first place.

Answer 19

Don't be too mad at her, Its your moms job to know whats going on with you and if you choose not to tell her everything then she needs to find out somehow.  If something bad happened to you and after it was realized that all she had to do was be an involved parent she would be criticized.  Like it or not your parents usually know whats best for you even if it doesn't seem that way now.  Your always better off being up front and honest about everything that way it can't come back at you later.

Answer 20

What?! She doesn't trust YOU, because you are a kid/teenager who hasn't told her everything about your life?! She needs to give you some space, at the very least she should have given you the privacy of having a diary.

How could you trust her? She obviously doesn't trust you enough.

I think you're mother is wrong to put all the blame on you here.

Answer 21

i would seriusly kill myself i my mom read mine...

u should tell her exactly what u just said and if she lost trust in you tell her she shouldnt because you lost twice as much trust because she found things out about you but she read your diary....feel better hopefully u work this out (;

Answer 22

what  a cow! that would really get on my pip. give her the silent treatment!

Answer 23

I totally get you.

i have like 8 filled journals and I'm terrified my mom will find them.

you have every right to feel how you do.  in fact I'd go write about it right now...it seems that you and your mom lack communication, so you are using a pen and paper as your outlet...so let it be your outlet.

I would wait until you are not as upset or angry and then I would write a letter to your mom letting her know how you feel...

also keep it in a backpack or somewhere not obvious.

Answer 24

I know EXACLTY where you are coming from.

I recently had something similiar happen, except my mom read my text messages.

Personally, I don't think that I give my mom any reason for her to not trust me, I tell her the important things and the rest is mine.

I now feel nowhere is safe for me to talk or write. My mom is one of my friends on myspace, I don't feel safe to write the "juicy" stuff in my journal and I now delete my text messages very frequently.

You have all rights to be angry at your mom.

Plus she has made herself to be a person you feel you can't talk to and that is totally her fault.

She may not even know it, she can do it by things she says, her judgements and you became afraid to talk to her because you were afraid of what she might say.

It going on with me and my mom right now. She and I don't agree on a single thing and I don't talk to her much because of that.

What did you write about that you didn't tell her?

Was it bad?

lM me.

Im going through this same thing and need someone to talk to too.