My neighbor wants to know how to handle her 9yr old daughters temper tantrums?

Question

She sends her to timeout, what a joke.

Answer 1

Psychologically, of course. :] Tell her she needs to encourage the tantrums. Start clapping, smile, the sorts of things she did when the girl was getting potty trained and got that right. The tantrums should never reappear again once the child learns that she won't get the response she desires.

Answer 2

beat'em

Answer 3

If the child is not a threat to her/himself or others, planned ignoring will work...often times, children play off of their parents or care providers  reactions, so not responding or showing emotion will usually stop the behavior...please do not ignore behavior that will harm the child or others. I would implement planned ignoring while out in public too...again as long as they are not a threat or in harms way ...or anyone else. And praising a child for good behavior or "catching them being good" goes a LONG way.

Time outs are good too...and you cannot be wishy washy in following through with your demands. Mean what you say and follow through to the end. If there are two parents, they MUST be on the same page when it comes to the discipline of the child.

This should help. I work with behavioral children and done right, this works very well.

Answer 4

I would do a warning, then timeout for 9 minutes, removal of favourite toys/posessions or maybe a treat (sounds odd but works) for a certain number of days without tantrums.....

Answer 5

A good spanking will do the trick. The beautiful thing about spanking is once it has been established, you really don't have to do it anymore. I am not talking about a beating, or some kind of traumatic form of child abuse. I mean a good solid whack on the butt with a spoon or something like that. My children do not throw tantrums. Can you guess why?

Answer 6

A nine year old who throws tantrums knows darn well what she is doing.  Time out is not always a joke but for a nine year old I can see that as being an out grown consequence.  

I would say they need to tell her straight forward that she is behaving like a baby and that she is plenty old enough to know better than to have a tantrum like that.  I would then proceed to remove a BIG privilege until she can straighten up and act her age, not her shoe size.  Personally if it were my child at that age, I would give a spanking because at that age she needs no explanation from a parent as to why her behavior is inappropriate.  A nine year old has the mental capacity to know she is wrong and behaving childishly.  Tantrums are never accepted at that age.  That is ridiculous.

Answer 7

with a belt.

Answer 8

9 year olds don't have tantrums unless they are spoiled OR have a mental or emotional problem. She needs to sit the child down and tell her that she is too grown up for that sort of behavior and from now on she will NOT get the recognition she craves from the tantrums. Tell your neighbor to ignore the tantrums (go in the other room or whatever, but get away from the child). When the child does something good, praise the child. Eventually (it's going to take time after 9 years of bad behavior), she will get the idea that good behavior gets attention and bad behavior does not. Also, a child who throws tantrums should not be allowed privileges like TV, video games or cell phones.  If she goes a whole day without a tantrum she can play video games for 30 minutes. If she goes a whole week without tantrums, she gets two hours of play, etc.  Reward the good behavior and ignore the bad. If it doesn't work in a month, she might need a psychologist to see if she has any behavioral problems which medicine might help. Like ADHD, etc.

Answer 9

Well, I've heard Dr. Laura suggest what iliksug recommended...breaking out into song when the tantrum starts. I haven't tried that. I doesn't occur to me in the middle of the tantrum.

Videotape her and show it to her so she can see how ridiculous she is behaving. If possible, videotape a toddler's tantrum too, and comment how they are exactly the same. She could threaten to show it to her friends, but idk...for me that would be am empty threat. I'm not out to humiliate my child.

Take away everything important to her and make her earn it - tv, computer, video games. No tantrums at all today means she gets those things tomorrow. All or nothing; amounts of time don't matter enough at this age to be deterrents. Enroll her in activities so she has less time to complain - karate would be great, teaching respect. In a calm voice, send her to her room (make sure it's someplace really boring to her) or tell her she has to take a nap.

The biggest thing that worked for me was sitting down with my 9 yr old daughter when I tuck her in bed at night. I told her I will always love her, but right now I don't "like" her. I can't enjoy her when she behaves this way, and I wish we could have fun again, have special mommy-daughter days, etc., but we can't do that because I can't reward her bad behavior. I tell her I miss my happy little girl. That really seems to stop the tantrums for awhile and lessen the intensity when they do return.

I think the hormones start even at this early age!