My nephew has lived with me since the last part of 9th grade; I cant get him to do his wok. What can I do?

Question

He was suspended in Feb. 2005; I now home school. In the 9th grade he only got 3 credits, and in 10th. grade he failed all his supjest for lack of doing them ,so now he is in 10th. grade again and I am unable to get him do do his work. Where can I turn or what can I do????? I really don't have any family support. At what age can he qiut school in Mi. and move out of the house? It has caused my entire family in an uproar and I almost want to sent him back to live with his Mom. Please, any advice would be so helpfu.

Answer 1

For Michigan laws read here--

http://homeschooling.about.com/od/milega...

I don't see anything mentioned about a specific age, just "the child", so looks like he is supposed to be taught until 18, then like everything else, it becomes his responsibility.

If he was a 9th grader in Feb. 2005, he should just about be a 12th grader this year, which means he's getting up there close to 18 now.

What curriculum are you using? The site above mentions an online school--

http://www.mivhs.org/

The question really is, what is your nephew doing all day?  It's taken him 3 years to complete one year of schoolwork.  Unless he is not very bright, he should have finished his work out of boredom if nothing else!  

I hope you don't have tv, (or I'd  get rid of it.) and that someone is home with him, supervising him, and making sure he isn't on the computer or wasting his time in other ways.  There are lots of things that are good to do, and we do them when our work is done, not before.

If he failed all his subjects for lack of doing them (not because they were too hard for him), I would basically ground him for the next semester.  He wasted a year of his life.

Each day he should have a certain amount of work done, or no privileges.  Shelter, food, clothes are needs.  TV, computer and telephone are privileges.  I would say the same if he was flunking out of public school.

Answer 2

Surely there are other people in your life who are missing out?  You are intensively involved with someone who doesn't care for you? Is this so new?  

Do you like him because you both appreciate selfishness?

If so, be honest. If not, enjoy being called a saint by people who would not do what you are doing now and without end.

Help your nephew to do nothing at all. Pay him to live with you. Pay him to do nothing. Pay him to be your useless companion. Or not.

Answer 3

Sounds like what you're doing just isn't working.  Sounds like it's time to stop and reconsider your materials and methods and try to get him more motivated.

Personally, I'd start by setting up a contract with him.  The contract should specify that he will complete a certain amount of work each week and what will happen if he doesn't.  Maybe a week or two with lower-key consequences such as not getting to go places or do things that he'd like to if he doesn't finish the required work.  But I'd put in something to the effect that if he's 3 weeks behind (or whatever amount you choose), he'll have to go back to his mother since what you're doing isn't working for him.

Then, I'd revamp his schoolwork.  

I'd stop the regular schoolwork for a while and have him do a unit on careers.  Have him take one of those tests that helps decide what sort of career he's best suited for.  Have him read a book about what's involved in getting a job and supporting himself (and one day a family).  Have him decide what sort of career he thinks he'd like to try and do some research on what he'll have to do to get there--how much education he'll need, what skills he'll have to have, anything else required.  (He might decide after researching one that it's not really for him after all; be willing to let him spend some time figuring it out.  But he's got to be putting a certain amount of time and energ y into this research; I'd require a typed formal research paper--though you don't have to go that far.)  The point of all this is to get him focused.  Adulthood isn't that far off for him and he needs some direction, it sounds like.

You might also want to have him take a trip to the local jail or a homeless shelter.  Or even do some volunteering at a shelter or food pantry or such.   Something to give him a clue about what is likely to happen to someone without any goals or direction.

In addition, I'd try to find someone that he can intern with.  Preferrably someone in a career that he's interested in.  Someone who'll be willing to have him there as an unpaid laborer.  Who'll put him to work, but will also let him see what it takes to work in that field.  Someone who will point out occasionally the need for an education in that field of work.  Or instead find someone in a field that involves heavy manual labor  who'll have him do unpaid labor for him and talk to him about the struggles of working in such a field after one gets older, etc.  Either way, I think he may need some work time to help him start to see his own future more realistically.

I'd also consider having him come up with a plan for his own schoolwork.  Talk to him about why he's not doing his work.  Is the work too easy for him?  Is it too difficult for him?  Is it too boring?  Is he just plain mad at not being home with his mom?  Have him write out a list of all the problems he sees with the homeschooling plan.  Talk to him about how he's hurting himself and his own future with what he's doing now.  See if there's something you can do to make the work more appealing to him (maybe use a different curriculum, or have more projects instead of worksheets, or let him choose topics or books to use more often...).  

When my nephew was with us, I did this sort of stuff and it worked quite well.  Plus, if he didn't want do his work one day, he got assigned alternate chores such as weeding the yard, or painting the house.  He knew that he had to do them or he'd be sent home.  And he soon realized (with a little help from me) that doing schoolwork was so much easier than having to do that manual labor.  

Anyway, you have to figure out what works for you both.  And if he refuses to do what you require of him as far as schoolwork, then he needs to go back to his mom.  (Or if that's not possible, consider sending him back to school, or check with social services to see if there's some other option.  My guess though would be that he's probably angry at not being at home and he needs to get it straight that what he's doing now is determining his own future.)

Answer 4

get him prescribed to adderall

Answer 5

Home school only works if he cooperates with you.  I suggest you get him back in regular school. You should work with the administration of the school, and together you might be able to find a plan for him.  Is there an alternative school in your area?  Do the vocational/ technology schools admit students his age?  Is he truant often?  If so, you may be able to get the courts to insist on his being in school and doing the work.  Sometimes I think it has been a blessing for some students to have a parole officer who is checking up on them.

Good luck.

Answer 6

He most likely needs counselling. He got suspended from school--huge red flags there that something's going on inside him.  Just the fact he's living with you indicated things weren't going well for him where he was before. It now sounds like he's got some serious motivation problems.

Find a counsellor. Ideally one who has dealt with motivation problems like http://www.docwhitley.com/, although if the underlying emotional stuff is taken care of, perhaps the motivational issues will take care of themselves.

You are very focused on his work and him only earning certain credits, but that's only part of him. How will you take care of the rest of him? In the end, whether he earns his credits or not is far less an indicator of future success as how well he deals with every day things.

Answer 7

If he's not doing his work then don't allow him to go out with his friends or do other things that are privileges. Also homeschooling won't work if he doesn't want to do it. You can't force someone to do their schoolwork if they don't want to. You can take privileges away and make life not so fun for him though.

Answer 8

I am a homeschooling mama and agree with English teacher.  Unless all parties are pretty committed to making homeschooling work, it is not going to be an optimal experience.  If he is at home and unwilling to do school work, he is not homeschooling anyway.  He is a drop out, pure and simple.  

You are a fine person to have taken him in to help your extended family, but it sounds like he really needs to get into counseling.  If he is financially in need, there should be agencies in your area that can help.  If he is hurting emotionally, and suspension and living apart from his nuclear family certainly sounds like he has his young life full of turmoil, then he needs someone to therapeutically support him.  And no, Adderall or any other med without some psychosocial support is not the answer.  Try your local health dept., or even the school psychologist in the school district in which he lives and see if they can make some appropriate referrals for you.  Also you should contact his pediatrician and get them involved.  With good supportive intervention, there is no need to write him off as  a lost cause.  

Do remember though, that you have a primary responsibility to your own family and once you have done all you can with referrals and getting him the help he needs, it might be beneficial to all if the living arrangements were to be reassessed.  

God bless you !