My new mother-in-law wore a WHITE dress to MY wedding?!

Question

My fiance and I just tied the knot last week, but I'm still really mad that my mother in law decided to wear a white dress. I didn't say anything to her about it at the wedding, because I was worried she might make a scene (she is the type who would follow me around and APOLOGIZE TO DEATH and start crying because she's so sorry) and I really didn't want that. Anyway, my wedding dress was white with little blue flowers, and she wore a pure white dress. It was tasteful, and I will admit she looked good in it (my husband and I are 23 and she is 39) and although she is 39, she looks like she's 30. Well, it bothered me a little because when some people who had never met me before saw her at the beginning of the ceremony, they thought SHE was the bride and wondered why she had not walked down the aisle.

Should I say something about it, because it still bothers me. I'm afraid it will continue to eat at me if I don't say something. But like I said, she is literally the type who would cry for months over it, call me constantly with apologies, even BUY ME GIFTS to make up for it (I know because she said something accidentally once in the past that offended me and she did this.) My husband thinks I should tell her, and he agrees it was wrong. What should I do?

Answer 1

I agree with Corrie.  There is really nothing she or you can do now to fix your wedding.  Let's this one go!

Answer 2

Well I know that would suck so bad, i am getting married in Oct of this year.  I know on your wedding day you want things to be perfect and as for yours i don't see that as a good thing at all.  She should have asked what color to wear at least that is what my mom and mother in law asked me.  Saying something to her won't change what happened.  Your right it will start more drama you don't need.  I would just hold on to this as if you are doing something ever in the future that requires dressing as an important role.  Just say hey could you wear this color of a dress or whatever.  Sorry that had to happen to you, I can only imagine what you are going through.  I would want to tell her or yell it at her, but it will start so much drama.

Answer 3

Just let it go, its only a dress, and its only your mother in law's attitude.  If you do say something about it, its going to be a HUGE ordeal.

Just drop it and remember the good things about that day.  Your MARRIED! :)

Answer 4

Was it in poor taste? Yeah, for sure. But what's done is done and you really need to get over it. I would drop it and not say anything. Nothing can be done about it now and you don't want to make a big deal out of something that nothing can be done about.

So the photographer made a mistake. Call them and let them know. But I am wondering how the photographer didn't know who the bride was. Didn't they take pictures of the wedding party, the wedding, and weren't you the one that was presented with him as "Mr. and Mrs...?" Either something fishy is going on or your photographer is a flaming moron! Either way, let him know about the mistake and get over it.

Answer 5

I don't really see the purpose in telling her. It won't undo the damage already done. You seem to think that she didn't do it on purpose and will apologize profusely, so I don't see the point in confronting her since it isn't an issue that is likely to come up again.

Answer 6

if your husband wants to say something then let him...its his mother, but really...what will it change?  its not going to go back in time and put her in another dress.  and to be honest...people dont accidently wear a white dress to a wedding and not know its distasteful.  she did it on purpose for some unknown reason.  is she an attention seeker?  sounds like she might be because she is still very young to have a son that age and maybe wanted the attention of looking very young on her sons wedding day since seeing your child get married does tend to make parents feel older.  I would really let it go.  

Answer 7

I would let this go. She knows what she did and knows that it upset you. If you bring it up to her, she wins. She'll know just how bothered you really were.

If you just let this go and move on and enjoy your new married life, that's more power to you :)

Answer 8

Your HUSBAND should say something, not you. Truthfully it's over now and there's really no good that can come from. Drop it.  

Answer 9

I would just ask her out for lunch or something and tell her that you do not want to hurt her feelings and that you did not intend to even tell her this but as the time passed you are still a little bothered by it. Tell her that you discussed it with her son and he shared the same feelings about it too and suggested that you mention something to release the weight off of your shoulders. Tell her in a way you thought she "stole your thunder" on your wedding day by dressing in white as a bride should. Maybe end it by telling her to not do it in the future because all brides would take offense to it.

Answer 10

The only person who wears white at a wedding is the BRIDE.  This is a generally accepted rule of good taste and breeding.  She was flat out wrong to wear white.  Your HUSBAND needs to tell her...just so that she doesn't make a fool of herself again.

Since the wedding album s***w-up...ALL THE MORE REASON TO TELL HER!!!  

Answer 11

I'm really sorry that happened to you!!! I felt sad reading it. Good luck with whatever you decide to do about it.  

Answer 12

While I agree that it was wrong, it is OVER.  Nothing good can come of talking to her about it now, it won't change anything and, as you said, it will just make her upset and you aggravated with her apologizing.  Just let it go.  The important things is that you are married,and you have a great new life to look forward to.  So do that!

Answer 13

Is this for real? The mock-up album cover? Girl, I am sorry... but I really think that eventually, this will not eat away at you. Your anger will eventually dissipate, and you will be glad you didnt bring it up. Be the bigger person. Whats done is done. One day, look back on this and roll your eyes and sigh. But if you tell her, you will be reminded of an uncomfortable fight every time you look at the album.

Answer 14

Saying something now will only make matters worse. In order to get it out of your system, sit down and write her a letter. Put all your feelings down on paper. When you are done, read it over carefully to make sure you didn't miss anything - ask yourself if you feel better, if you do, TEAR IT UP AND THROW IT OUT !!! This is a tried and true therapy practice and trust me it works!  

Answer 15

Oh my gosh, that's SO ridiculous! I absolutely HATE when people wear white to a wedding. Happened to me at my wedding. It wasn't my mother in law though. It was a so called "friend." She also had gotten her hair and makeup done, too. I was shocked, but I ignored it. You shoudn't though. She is your mother in law! I would just ask her why she decided to go with white, and then explain to her (for the future brides whose weddings she may attend) that it is not proper to wear white because that is what the BRIDE wears.

Answer 16

okay the whole photography mistake is just a tid bit funny I know it does not seem that way but one day it will..why not ask the photographer if he can change it for you? and I would just say "hey MIL I just wanted to let you know that it did kinda bother me that you wore a white dress to my wedding...Its not a big deal because its too late now but people did assume you where the bride" and maybe if you ever have a wedding again *but lets hope not* or you decide to renew your vales write on the invite that white should not be worn.  

Answer 17

I would let it go its done and over with and there isnt much point in bring it up, you know your husband and others are on your side and know that you feelings are valid.  On the other hand I would insist a discount on your wedding photos not only for the mistake but the disrespect you recieved from the company.  It is not the photographers business what you wore to your wedding that is just plain rude!

Answer 18

Tell her. it will make you feel a little better and she will just have to get over it.

Answer 19

Let sleeping dogs lye. The only reason I could see you saying anything is if you let people know what colors were allowed, (even though most people know not to wear white to a wedding). If she's like what you say "dramatic", then it would just be better to let this one go. If your husband feels that his mother was in the wrong then I feel he should be the one to say something to her. As for the photographers botch up that's there mistake not hers, I mean he should have looked through all the photos before selecting one.

You need to take some calming breaths and remember that something always goes wrong even with the most well planned event. Be happy that you married your true love and move on.

Answer 20

ya know what? Don't lookt a gift mock up wedding album (or horse) in the mouth...

..if I were your husband, I'd take that album and show it to my mother saying " Imagine that, just because you wore all white at a wedding the photographer thought you were the bride......silly, huh? "...and let her wallow in her embarrassment....if she goes into a routine a simple.."Mom, everyone knows only the bride wears white, so what did you expect.......think of how embarrassing it is for me, and the photographer to make that kind of mistake, that I married my own mother".......good luck.

Answer 21

Let your husband say something to her and deal with it. She is his mother. I would think having the photographer think she was the bride would be reason enough for him to say something.  I don't know at this point what will come of it because what's done is done.  I would want to know however as to why she would do such a thing.  Everyone knows it's the brides day. I am sure your guests thought her inappropriate and a little wacky to do such a thing,  

Answer 22

Its not worth getting into at this point.  It cant be changed and undone.  

Do what you can to let go.  Did she not know any better or do you think she did it on purpose?

And for the family photos, talk to the photographer if they can adjust the color of her dress in the photos before printing, make it a cream color.

Answer 23

Well once the damage is done, why increase it??? There's really nothing you can do at this point so it's best to let it go. It was incredibly bad taste on her part and everyone knows that a cardinal rule of dressing for a wedding is only the bride wears white, but telling her won't change anything.  

Answer 24

I think since your photographer screwed up the mock up album cover (which no offense, but is he stupid? he was at the wedding, and he didn't know who was the bride?!) then this is a good opportunity to tell her. Quietly show her the cover, and tell her that not only did it offend you, but even other people thought SHE was the bride, as you said earlier with the people who didn't know you. For all you know they offered her congratulations instead of you. Tell her, but tell her calmly and quietly. Maybe have your husband there too, because if I were him I'd be not only upset about the album cover, but also embarrassed that people thought his mom was his bride!