My new poem , your thought?

Question

u already know how rough it is

so why you make it harder

it's all f*****k e d up to be fixed

wish that s h i t goes faster

i put obstacles along my way

but i get trapped by my own ones

I'm bleeding all my way home

cuz where it began is where it ends

but when the sword touches the stomach

it gets shaky and slips out of my hands

even if it could be finished by one stab

it wouldn't be the end as long as heart beats

cleaning the ground of leaves wont keep them away

cause the wind's still blowing to put them back

if so , only the direction can lead us to the victory

Answer 1

hmmm, I don't think the profanity added to your poem's meaning...it didn't really make it any more "real" than if you'd said, "it's all broken and needs to be fixed" and "I just wish this would go faster".  Yet, it's your poem, and if that's the way you would have said it, then that's the way you should write it.  There is a raw quality to it that I did like, even though it isn't what I'd usually read.  Your last stanza is missing a line...if you want it to balance with the other lines, otherwise it's fine.

..keep writing