My niece's behavior is ridiculous, what can I do?

Question

I look after her quite often, it's got to the point where I hate taking her out in public cause she causes a scene, last time we went out I wouldn't buy her a finding nemo mug and she smashed it on the floor right there in the store. I had to pay for it and the staff weren't very happy. But at other times she's the sweetest little girl.

Sometimes she bites people too and is very rowdy. Shes in Junior kindergarten and the teacher complains quie often about her actions too. I know my brother and his wife spoil her a little but what am I supposed to do, since Im not actually her parent? Her older brother and younger sister are good as gold and very placid so I don't understand, it's not like she's an only child or the only daughter or anything that would make her more spoiled (sorry if that offends anyone, don't mean to generalize) but yeah.

Basically my question is what can you do with an unruly child when they aren't actually your own??

Answer 1

Look up supper nanny my sister used some of her techniques and they really worked on my nephew who is a good kid now who you can take anywhere.

Good Luck

P.S. I think it really requires the parents to make changes to control there kids..I mean to say that they will need to act on her unruliness as what they do will make the most effect...as she is with them the most. She might just be going through a spoilt phases since the other two kids are good..kids arent perfect.

Answer 2

It's very difficult as your not the parent. I would suggest that maybe her behaviour is caused because she is the middle child. Often a youngest child gets spoilt and an older child can be special because their the first, so where does that leave middle children? I'm not excusing her behaviour at all but I think she is just desperate for attention. Try to give her lots of love and encouragement. Praise her efforts when she does well and try not to make too much fuss when she's naughty. Let her learn that she will get far more attention when she is good. That should do the trick but it may take a while.

Answer 3

My feeling is that when you are the only adult that's responsible for a child at the moment, you assume parental rights regarding the behavior at the moment.  Which means that your hands really aren't tied when you are with your niece and she is misbehaving.

Talk to your brother and his wife about your predicament.  Try to make sure your actions mirror their beliefs.  (For example, if they are anti-spanking, you will need to find another way to discipline her)  If you find ways to control her behavior, by all means tell your brother.  They may appreciate the insights.

When you're out with her and her behavior is completely unacceptable, then make sure you communicate this to your brother and his wife.  I would definitely want to know if one of my children was misbehaving.  Ask them how they would like you to handle it.  And if they don't give you authority to "handle" it or completely ignore you, then let them know that until her behavior improves, that you will not be taking her out.  (what a shame that would be!)

She's lucky to have a caring aunt like you.

Answer 4

First off, there is no correlation between behavior and being an only child.  If anything an only child needs to act up less in order to get attention.  Whereas a middle child (for example) might feel they need to act up more to get attention.

Quite simply if the child were as unruly as you claim, I just wouldn't look after her.  Her parents have clearly not taken  the appropriate measures to discipline her, and it's not really your job.  So I'd politely decline to watch her until her behavior improves.

Answer 5

There's not much you can do, really.  I know that's not the best answer (or probably the one you were hoping for) but I'm in the exact same situation.  My nieces are 7 and 2.  One is pure gold (behaviorally) and the other is, um...more challenging.

There's one thing in your question that struck me though:

"Older brother and younger sister"...meaning that she's a middle child.  I am one, too, and it's no bed of roses.  I wasn't mistreated - ever - but as a middle you're never as 'cute' as the younger(s) and never as 'smart', 'responsible', 'accomplished' or whatever as the older(s).  Thankfully, things became more equal (overall) in adulthood.  As an example, as the middle child I'm the only one that ever got left anywhere accidentally.  They just (very briefly) forgot about me at a rest stop on a long road trip.  :-)  I can laugh about it now, but it would NEVER have happened to the olders or the 'baby'.  *sigh*

Anyway...that was just my thoughts on the behavior itself.  As far as what you can do about it -- I'm in the same predicament myself.  I would never overstep my role as their auntie, so the best I can usually do is to try to handle the immediate situation as best I can, speak with their parents about it after the fact, and remind myself that they'll grow out of it eventually.

I've tried different things to help in the short term but a lot depends on age, personality and other things.

Not sure that helped much but I sympathize and wish you the best of luck!

Answer 6

Why is she in pre-k when she is seven? Does she have learning disabilities or developmental delays? I would tell your sister -- if they have not said she has problems --that you will not watch her anymore until she learns to behave. Her behavior is not normal for a 7 year  old AT ALL.  She needs to be checked out by a doctor or psychologist.

Answer 7

you can start with time outs every time she does something wrong put her in time out. remember time out is 1 minute for every year old they are.

Also you can take away things she likes.

Answer 8

youre family you can punish her

Answer 9

how old is she if shes about 2 or 3 its expected if she didnt then she wouldnt be normal the only thing you could do is tell her mum and explain whats shes like and then her mum can give you ideas or she will have to tell her up front her behaviour is unaccectable and she will not be allowed out or treats if she carries on

also to get checked out for possible adhd which doesnt help the matter

Answer 10

If you have no authority to chastise.Don't look after her.Hope

you mentioned the mug incident and got payment.

Answer 11

I have a friend with a similar child and its very embarrassing when we go out, basically her child rules the roost and has no discipline.

Kids need strong discipline and boundaries as well as love. I was brought up with strict parents and it didn't do me any harm. when the line between adult and child is over crossed the kids think they can rule you!

Some people say biting is just a phase, but if it were then most kids would go through it. Having tantrums and playing up is all part of it and testing the waters, but biting is wrong!

When its not your own though there little you can do, apart from telling the child you wont except this behaviour and when she plays up - take her home and tell her parents.

Unless her parents are enforcing good behaviour at home your fighting a losing battle.

Answer 12

Talk to her parents when all of the kids are asleep. Talk at the farthest point from the bedrooms as possible

(cuz when my parents were talkin they sat right at the bottom of the stairs and I cud hear what they were saying all the way from my room.)

Talk very kindly and say that your niece is very sweet, but she is behaving in a way that isn't appropriate. Don't let them become upset at you.

Make sure you say that she broke the cup in the store. If you want your niece to be very disciplined, say kindly to your brother only that it will be hard for you to look after her if she keeps this up.

(My two little siblings misbehaved when my uncle was watching us, and my uncle told my dad that he couldn't watch them if they kept misbehaving and they were very disciplined.)

I found some supernanny tips and copied them to my blog:

http://sk8rgrl98s.blogspot.com/

If not, leave dat out. This will help I hope!!!!!!