My niece and nephew are being mistreated?

Question

My sister in law is a stay-at-home mom and she has some sort of post pardum depression disoreder. I feel sorry for her and there's nothing I can do because she won't seek help. Her husband yells at her for the things that their children go through, for expample the oldest has severe diaper rash and other personal issues from not being changed, and the youngest has an untreated ear infection and he's sick but she will not take him to the doctors. Never mind that the daughter is two years old and can't walk because shes put in her play pen 24/7...I just don't know what to do and her mother already called child protective services. I don't want to stoop that low and I can't try to help or she gets defensive and won't speak to me. I care about these kids and so does their father and I know the mother would too if she would get help. She's young, only 21 I know how she is feeling but what do I do when children are at stake here?

Answer 1

You should call for a family intervention, call all the close family members (her husband, her mom, her brother...which is your husband? am I right?) and you all have to agree that she really needs help and agree in which way you all can help her, she has to go seek psychiatric help, because if she has Postpartum Depression she will need medication and counseling. This is something that she can get over it if all the family get involve and help her get out of this.

If she resists the help....then you have to involve CPS, just then it will be the court who will mandate that she seeks help.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

By law if you know of mistreatment or abuse you are required to report it. If you do know of it happening and do not report it.

You can be charged as the same as the abuser for letting it happen and not reporting it. Call the Human Sevices in our area notify the law and assist with telling them what you know.

Answer 3

wow no that's just unexcusable horrible parenting.

you need to call the police, social services, anyone and everyone you can. you never know when something truely terrible will happen and you'll be left knowing you should have done something about it.

sickness, infections, abuse any of those things can lead to one or more of the children passing away, don't let it come to that.

Answer 4

Sounds like she's having a rough time. Post Pardum depression is really tough to overcome. All I can say is try to be as helpful as you can. Calling CPS on her is really not the way to go. Good luck.

Answer 5

You need to report them to the authorities.

Also, it's important not to believe in liberal myths and excuses such as "post partum depression."

Answer 6

You are in a painfully difficult situation.  You seem to be feeling a lot of pressure to avoid doing anything that your sister-in-law would be unhappy about, or for which she would accuse you of "meddling."

But I think that you know that you need to make the children a priority - even though it is inevitably going to get ugly.  No one likes to have to be the "bad guy" and contact the authorities regarding a friend or family member.   Ultimately, what people have been telling you are right... you need to contact child protective services.  It may *feel* to you like "stooping," but it is not "stooping" at all.  It is doing the right thing.  You obviously would not be making the report vindictively, or anything like that.  You would be doing it, even though you didn't want to, because the children need to be protected.  (But note that you will also need to make a point to take care of yourself in this difficult situation, as well.  Try to surround yourself with good, caring friends so that you will have people to turn to in case your sister-in-law deduces that you made the report and things get rough in your relationship with her.)

You stated that her mother has already contacted the authorities and very little has happened.  When you call, make sure you obtain the report number from them, and the name person with whom you made the report.  This will help.  In addition, the more reports that are made, the more likely it is that action will be taken.  So if nothing happens the first time, keep calling.... but make sure that each time you call you are reporting a new incident, not just reminding them of old ones.  It is all about the new incidents with them!!!

This will be difficult, and you may have to brace yourself for some hurtful words from your sister-in-law, but you can do this!

Answer 7

If her mother called cps on her own daughter I suppose you have nothing more to do except stop over every once in a while to see if your sister in law is okay and that she hasn't harmed herself or her children.  

Ask her to go out for a walk with you and offer to help push a stroller or push a swing in the park.  Get her out in some fresh air and sunight.  Take her and the children out for lunch or a little picnic with a light lunch of sandwiches or fruit.

If she can be happy around friends then you be that.  Friends don't pass judgement, they listen.  If all you can do is nod while she's talking to you than do that while you are visiting her and your nieces and nephews.

Answer 8

first and foremost u need not worry bout the parents feelings, think of the kids. At the age of 21 u should still have the common sense needed to know the basic needs and wants of children. What happened when cps was called? did they do anything? if not make the call again and speak with someone higher up. Why doesnt the father step up and do something? go with him and offer him support to do so. Blows my mind that people can treat their kids this way

Answer 9

im 21 and i have 2 kids to  and i know it can be hard. you need to get her help jus let c.a.s know that she is suffering from deperession and she needs help theyll help her out just say what you said about her in the note, you know she cares you know shed be a good mom but she needs help.

Answer 10

The best thing you can do is seek child protective services. But before you do that you can have a sit down with the mother and father and talk it out. If that dosent work and things are still going wrong you go to higher authorities.

Answer 11

Calling child protective services is NOT stooping low--it's getting outside help involved when the people in the family won't do it themselves. The untreated ear infection can lead to bigger problems--including damaging the ear drum and partial deafness; the severe diaper rash can lead to an infection and is just plain painful for that baby.

You need to call CPS as well. They likely won't take the kids away. They will come in and evaluate and because it's mild neglect rather than severe neglect or abuse, they will most likely set some limits and make sure they are taken care of so they don't have to take the kids. Give them all the details you can so that they will step in.

Answer 12

keep calling protective services that is the only way to help them.

Answer 13

you need to call CPS. I think if people continue to report them they will take it more seriously. You should be able to look the number up on the internet. Put child protective services and the city and state where you live in your internet search engine. You should be able to find the number that way. If you can't find it call the health department and ask for the number.

Good luck,

Michelle

Answer 14

Thats tough. I went through the same type of thing - me being the mom after my kids dad left us..... I was totally overwelmed with two babies under age of 2.... no job, no friends, family, etc...... it was awful

I'd say she needs a break. If at all possible can you or anyone take kids for a week???? That helped me SO much - to recharge, miss them, spend some 'me' time.....

If you or the other family members can - go help -- help clean the kids room, bring/cook dinner - just going and changing a few diapers is HUGE.... go put a load of laundry away - of course it'd be even better if you and your mom go once a week and clean her house -- or take kids one night a week or something.....

Ask her what you can do - tell her you'd like to take kids to McDonalds, Zoo, Park -- ANYTHING - Take her out to lunch, get coffee, have a bit of girl time while your mom or brotehr watches the kids for a couple hours.... she needs time away from those kids - it is so hard taking care of two little ones - and it is a LONG endless mess of diapers, cheerios, laundry... there is no end in sight....

I hate people pointing out I'm s******g up, because I already know it - and hate myself for it..... it doesn't help

I'd say she needs to get some anti-depressants - but if she won't listen, hard to tell her..... maybe you could tell her about you 'friend' who it really helped, tell her you're worried about her, and that she can get better.... encourage her to read up on depression

Its tough - husband yelling at her doesn't help either, it makes her feel even worse -- I assume thats your brother, If it keeps up he'll have to tell her either get help or get out.... that may be what it takes to force her to get some meds. Of course he needs to step in as much as he can as well - HE needs to be taking the kids out without her - even if its just in the backyard for an hour - she needs that break.

Don't call cps, that will just cause more drama...... plus they are already aware.....

Email if you want - I was there not long ago - I'm worried about her too

ADDED - I just read your follow up - yes you can call CPS anonymously, but they are less likely to take you seriously -- But they won't /shouldn't tell her who called anyway. But if she has already been reported you reporting should get them out there -- of course their course of action is to take the kids away.....

There is a mom living with them!!!??? That makes the whole thing that much worse - if she  does have help - but if there are two people changing diapers why does the kid have a rash that bad.... The dad just needs to either tell her to get help, or kick her out -- or else those kids will be taken away.....

****** If you are truly past family help - the only thing to do is either take the kids or get authorities to take the kids. Maybe you could get her committed or get her to commit herself to a mental hospital so they can evaluate and get her on meds. Her hubby may have the most pull as to convincing her to go to hospital - as I said get help or get out...... and if she refuses, make her leave - or take kids and leave....

If no one can step in and take those kids -- then they are better off - for now - in foster care..... sad but true..... you guys HAVE to do something

Answer 15

Please call CPS, its okay if she stays mad at you for a while. She will get over it once she gets help and then she will thank you in the long run, besides you shouldnt worry about whether or not she gets mad at you and not talk to you, your main focus should be those kids and getting the help that they need.

She probably will be mad at you for a while, just ignore her and worry about the kids and after she gets help she will see that you were only trying to help her and the kids...

Maybe you can tell CPS that you can take them in for a while until she gets better (if you are willing to care for those kids).

Good luck, and God Bless.

Answer 16

I'm wondering where the father is. Presuming he's working all day... what happens when he gets home? You mentioned he's yelled at her about things - I'm guessing about how messy the house is, how dirty the kids are, how there's no good dinners made. But these are HIS kids, correct? Biologically or not, he's made a committment to care for them in his home. What is HE doing about this? Is he so concerned that he will call child protective services? He should.

And so should you.

You can't help someone who doesn't want help. But you said something that struck me and I can't get rid of it... you said that her mother called protective services and nothing was done and that you don't want to "stoop that low." As a child they might not have the vocabulary right now... but how are you going to answer them when they ask, "You knew about this and yet chose to do nothing? Why?" Are you going to answer that you didn't want to stoop that low?

I beg you.... stoop low and scoop up those children and allow them to grow up in a home that is clean and loving and safe.

Answer 17

I think whether she gets defensive or not isn't a concern here. If those kids are being neglected, it is a form of child abuse. Bring it to her attention that she needs to wake up or else those kids will be taken away from her.

I'm sure she loves her children very much, but the first priority is getting the children in better care until she's well.

Answer 18

Try to ask her if you are another family member can take the kids out to have fun so that they can get out of the house. Let her know the kids will be fine and safe.

2) Enroll her in a parenting class and you and another family member go with her....just starting the process

when you do all of this----since she is young and may be overwhelmed---be sensitive and urge her in a way to come with you so that she can get some REST without the children being there----be careful at how you approach her so she doesn't get defensive and think you are taking the children away

3) It is probably a good time for her to STOP having Childre.

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