My nine year old is wetting her pants and hiding it and her dirty clothes and then lies about it, any advice?

Question

we've taken her to a few Dr's, psychologists say she's doing it for attention. Her mother married a man she didn't know with 4 children of his own after becoming pregnant herself. When this started. Her father and I also married shortly thereafter. I have been in her life since she was 1 1/2 and married her father when she was 7, shortly after the wetting started. it is not only at night, she has squatted onthe floor and peed. she would rather dance around than stop what she is doing to go. She does not get punished for wetting her pants, I wont' callit an accident, she was completely trained for 3 solid years. and has deliberately squattedon the floor to go and said in counseling that she is too lazy to go. she does have to clean her mess. we do ground her for being dishonest. the psychologist says she is looking for attention. i am now rewarding her for her honesty about it. she does not seem embarrassed as she will walk around with wet pants and won't wash up after.

Answer 1

as a child that happened to me. They humiliated me over it. It was just I got busy and forgot to go before it was too late.  My brother even teased me about it and my mom said nothing and let him. Ok still sore about it. Just show her how to wash her clothing 'in general' for if she 'needs' to and she will handle it from there. Every one ahs accidents.

Answer 2

all i can say is dont yell at her because she will just keep doing it!

try talking to her to find out why and tell her that its ok to tell you that you wont get mad!

Answer 3

thats c**p is so annoying. teach her where to put it where she wets herself.

Answer 4

Don't punish for wetting,

but she needs to grounded or spanked for lying.

Answer 5

is it at night      if so tell me

Answer 6

A lot of times pants wetting is a sign of being molested.  There are a million different psychological reasons why she might be doing it.  You could also take her to a shrink to find out more.  Have a heart to heart with her and don't get mad, though you might be opening pandora's box by talking with her.

Answer 7

Take her to the doctor and have her checked out. She may have a UTI and not know why or how and so shes scared to tell you.

As for the lying well she knows she is way to old to wet herself so thats why she lies.

Punishment for the lying but not for the wetting as she probably has little control over that. I dont know any 9 year old who would do that on purpose.

Answer 8

my 8 year old has been wetting the bed once a week for the last year. while he admits it, i know he is embarrassed about one thing - he's scared of the dark. he wakes up, and he's too scared to go to the bathroom, so he wets the bed.

if you can talk about it when she hasn't just had an accident, the whole conversation will be much more therapeutic. maybe over lunch or an ice cream date. ask her why she thinks she's doing it, and make sure she knows that you are supporting her. that she can talk to you about it when she does it, and that there's no need to hide it.

lastly, establish boundaries. while she should feel comfortable being honest with you, it's not okay to hide the dirty clothes or lie. that you are on the same team, and she needs to be honest with you.

good luck!

Answer 9

Could be a sign of something else that is happening to make her worried (like at school or with friends etc), could be an infection (see your GP if worried), or maybe just too busy to notice the need to go until it is too late.  Try to find out why this is happening.  Explain its ok and lots of kids do it.  She may be too embarrased to talk but don't give up.  Start by telling her to show you when she wets and not to hide it.  Don't  get impatient or cross, but assure her its ok.  Then ask why its happening.  If she doesnt want to tell you, then maybe there is someone else she can go to.  Dont make a big deal about it as it will only get worse for both of you.  Good luck

Answer 10

Something else is going on with her.  I would sit her down in a non-confrontational manner and just try to get her to open up about what is going on.  There is underlying stress or something emotional bothering her.  Just be prepared for what she tells you.

This happened to me as a child and my mother was not prepared for the answer.  Whatever she tells you, reassure her that you are on her side and there to protect her and defend her.  Let her know that whatever it is, she can't worry about what will happen to you.  You can take care of yourself.  She might be hiding something that she feels will mess up your life if she tells you.  Just please.  Take it easy on her.  She is carrying a burden that is too much for her.  Protect her.  Be there for her.  Hug her and let her open up.  It might take time, but she will when she feels she can trust you.

Answer 11

A child who is toilet trained who reverts back to wetting themselves is usually experiencing some sort of stress.  The first step should be an appointment with a physician to rule out a medical problem.  If it's not medical, it's psychological and she needs some help to figure out what's going on.  

Whatever you do, don't get angry.  She's lying about it because she's embarrassed or afraid to get in trouble.  Assure her that you want to help her and that you'll never be upset about the actual wetting, but that lying (about hiding her soiled clothing) is not acceptable.

My daughter went through this at the same age, but only at night.  What I noticed was that she was sleeping so soundly that she actually didn't wake up when she had to urinate. She was devastated.. Embarrassed, humiliated...  And once we figured out the underlying causes of her stress (early on-set of puberty was causing her to be teased at school for already having b*****s) we were better able to help her develp the tools she needed to work through the teasing, and the issue resolved itself.

Answer 12

Let her know that it is okay to talk to you about it because you want to take care of this issue and if she won't talk to you about it take her to the doctor because she could have a bladder problem. Try getting her the nite time underwear that absorb wetness.Tell her that if her teacher won't let her go to the bathroom, walk out the class. She can't get in trouble only the teacher can.

Answer 13

Is this new?  Maybe she has an infection?  In which case I'd take her to the doctor.