My older brother molested me at 12 yrs and now i can't put out to my husband?

Question

weve been together for 6 yrs and the last two have been very slow on the sexuallity side of the relationship. my brother molested me at 12 yrs and now im 21. when my mom found out she told me to just drop it and made me drop the charges. im having thoughts and feelings that make me feel so uncomfortable that i won't even let my husband of 6 yrs touch me. we've had intercourse 4-5 times in the last year and im afraid of loosing him. he's very understanding and knows about the whole thing but i still feel bad for not putting out. what should i do to keep him around? (even though i don't think he would leave)...

please help.... :(

Answer 1

It is sad  : (

The best thing you could do is to look for a therapist. Your sexuality is blocked and it is not natural. The therapist will help you to put a end to the situation that you are still reliving inside of you.

We can't change the past. The only thing we can do is to acknowledge what happened, learn what we have to (when it is the case) and look for the future in front of us.

I don't know if it applies to you but:

Do not feel it was your fault.

I do not think your mother meant to harm you. She dealt with it the best way she knew. It was just a very complicated situation.

Do not feel that sexuality is dirty. The Good Lord created it to be exactly the way it is. s*x is good and should be enjoyed in a loving relationship. Like all the senses we have, sexuality is there to be enjoyed too: all the colors we can see, the perfumes we can smell, the tastes on our mouth, the sensations on our skin.

Do look for a therapy. It will take some time but it'll make you feel better, believe me.

Good luck!  : )

Answer 2

I feel so bad!!! What you need to do is tell your husband you are just not comfortable with the whole thing! Press charges against your brother... but then again, he IS YOUR BROTHER!!! I mean, when I was little, i used to shower with my brother and all.... but that was when we were four and two... I say press the charges, and see a a therapist if you need one... they CAN HELP... I'm sorry, and good luck!  

Answer 3

How you been married 6 years? You tellin me that you got married at 15?  h**l, there a problem right there with your relationship.  You aint the same person you was back then, h**l you was just a kid.

Top of that, you brother did some funny business with you?  Man, I dont need to tell you whats up with that.  Sounds like you know whats happening inside that head, h**l if you got the cash, go see a Doc.  but otherwise, confront that fool on what he did, establish and replace what your mind associates s*x with by having some fun with your hubby, and sit down and work out whats bothering you.  Or express it like most artists do.

Answer 4

You may not like to hear this, but the best thing you can do is see a counselor to help you deal with what happened and work through things yourself.

I am speaking from the personal experience of those close to me, and this has been the one thing to help them move on, face what's happened, and continue living a better life with more fulfilling relationships.

Find a counsellor that comes recommended - don't just choose one randomly from the phone book. :)  

Answer 5

mm, I am sorry no one helped you back then.  YES, I can believe that the assault is bothering you now.  When we are stressed our "old garbage"  comes back to mind... which makes us relive the CRIME and the fact that our FAMILIES treat us like WE are the bad guy!  Therefore making you a victim of a LOT of people instead of just the victim of your brother.  

Your problem comes from KNOWING that the PEOPLE you trusted MOST... HURT YOU horrendously.   SO rather than GIVE IN and give your husband your total HEART and trust, you  start detaching from him in order to NOT be hurt again.  We all do that type of thing kitten.  The reaction and over reaction you feel is what they call post traumatic stress syndrome.  YOU do NOT plan it out and DECIDE to not want to be touched.... YOUR mind makes the decision with out your permission. THAT is why it is a "syndrome".  

  YOU dear one, right NOW, need to make the decision to NOT BEHAVE like a victim.  In doing so, you will feel MORE powerful and in control.  You can NOT change what was done TO you in the past, you can NOT make the other people even APOLOGIZE, but YOU can heal and NOT let it affect your NOW and your future.  

Answer 6

your mother is a moron.  you need some therapy to help you deal with the betrayal of trust by both brother and mother.  your own happiness and fulfillment is at stake, not just your husband's.