My oldest daughter is 25 years old. She is a single mom and she does really poorly with money. She spends it

Question

my oldest daughter is 25 years old. She is a terrible money manager. She spends money like there is no tomorrow. The problem is that she doesn't make very much money. When she needs more money for important things like bills, then she asks her family for money. I cannot afford to pay my bills and hers so when she asks me I have to tell her no. Then I feel badly because I can't help her. Then she goes to my mother who is 78 years old and asks her for money. My daughter proceeds to tell her grandmother that her son needs the money for the dentist. Or she tells her that her phone will be shut off if she doesn't have the money. My mother feels bad for her so she gives her the money. This problem has really been bothering me and I don't know how to handle it. Please help

Answer 1

Your daughter sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do. The best way to handle it is to sit down and talk with both her and your mother. If it is not stopped now it will never stop. I know this because I have a 32 year old stepson that his dad still supports.

Answer 2

you shouldn't tolerate this attitude. i know how hard it is not to help your daughter but she's gotta learn. you can teach her saving tips but if it fails, let her fix her own financial problems. she won't learn unless she experiance how hard it is. people learn from experiences.

Answer 3

Hun i have to admit i used to be the same ..and thanks to my Dad i learned very fast i used to go to him and say the same things to him, and in the end he said 'No enoughs enough' and thats when i understood then and there wow i have to stand on my own two feet, so until she knows thats it then she will continue to do this ..so my advice is make her learn the hard way and say NO  

Answer 4

You need to talk to your mom about giving your daughter money. She needs to learn to live with in her budget. Occasionally an adult will need help, like in an emergency. Have your daughter apply for government assistance such as WIC and Food Stamps and medical card. She can also hit food pantries up for food.

I have neighbors who make twice as much as we do, they have 3 kids and a drug habit. Their moms are always bailing them out when their power gets shut off and stuff. I think it is unhealthy for a parent to help to this extent because they will never learn to manage their money.

If your daughter does come to you don't give her the money pay the bill the bill if you feel you must but, don't give her the money. My neighbors money never makes it where it needs to go.  

Answer 5

That's really sad.  I think you should really sit Grandma down and explain to her that she is being taken advantage of, and that your daughter needs to be told no or she's never gonna learn.  If she needs to experience having her phone or electricity shut off, then so be it.  I would sit your daughter down and lay down the law about being a responsible adult and mother.  Offer to help her learn how to budget or take a course.  I'm a single mom too, and I have from time-to-time needed to ask my parents for money or to buy me some groceries; and I'm very thankful that they were able to help me, but I wouldn't rely on them on a regular basis.

Answer 6

You and your mother should have a sit down about the situation. Then together, decide that you both are in no position to keep supporting her. The next time she asks for money, tell her no and stick to your guns. The only way she is going to learn to be responsible is by having to bail herself out of her financial missteps. Continuing to give her money is enabling her and will only hurt her more the longer it goes on.

Answer 7

You should really sit down with her and help her financially plan, with the whole family. Communicate to her and help her make a budget. That is really difficult but throw a scenerio at her. Ask her how she would do this if her loving supportive family was not there for her and her son.

Good luck!!

Answer 8

help her form a financial plan and a savings account she can put a small amount in each month and set aside another amount for bills. also she can get insurance so it will cover it if her child is hurt. she can set aside another amount for groceries and spend the rest on whatever.

Answer 9

You really have no right telling either your daughter or your mother how to handle THEIR money.  Obviously somehow, someway your daughter didn't learn how to handle money or she wasn't taught how.  (something that should be taught in the home).  You can advise your mother that she is only enabling your daughter's behavior by giving her money.  If no one indulged your daughter then she would have to start budgeting her money better or wind up in dept up to her neck with no way out, and creditors suing her.  I know that you would not want  that to happen to your daughter and I'm sure your mother wouldn't however sometimes we have to allow our children to hit rock bottom before they can pick themselves up.  This is what it sounds like is necessary in your daughter's case  Otherwise she will never learn.

Answer 10

You have been doing the right thing by saying no. If you want, buy things specifically for the grandchild.

You need to talk to your mom, explain the situation plainly, and just advise her to not give money.

Plus, talk to your daughter - it will be hard, but you need to. She has made some choices and must make her own way to deal with the consequences.

Answer 11

tell your dauhter  to get off her *** & get a job or a better paying one . dose the father of of your grandson pay for anything if not . COURT TIME!!  

Answer 12

Ultimately it's your mother's decision to give your daughter money or not, but if everyone stopped giving her money, she might actually get a clue that she needs to save her own money and spend it wisely. If she knows she can get money from her grandmother, then what's going to stop her from spending her own on stuff she doesn't really need? It sounds like she needs some tough love for her own good.  

Answer 13

You really should talk to her about it, try not to sound judgemental but remind her her grand-ma will not always be there for her and she has to learn to support herself financialy. You could pay a specialist to help her do a great budget, if you can afford it, or do it yourself. Good luck!!!!

Answer 14

talk 2  her, alone

Talk about how she needs 2 save money, until she understands

Then together go 2 the bank, and make her her own account

If she already has 1, then tell her 2 save half of the money she earns, and half she can spend. Tell you'll give her a certain amount of money if she saves $400.00 or something. Even though she is an adult, she is still your child, and has 2 listen 2 u.

Answer 15

It is sad to say but your daughter needs to grow up.  I am 25 with a six year old, and even though I still live at home while I work full time, I also attend college and pay for school by myself.  I NEVER ASK FOR ANYTHING.  I pay all my own personal bills, never borrow any money and make sure that my daughter has before anything.  I even buy groceries for the house and help out (not much but what I can) with bills.  She needs a d**n reality check.

Answer 16

You are doing the right thing by not giving her money - I would suggest you tell the other family members that she hits up for money to also tell her no - they are only enabling the spending. She will start to make better financial decisions only when she is forced to.  

Answer 17

She is an adult now and the only way to get through to her is to sit down and have a planning book in hand. In my opinion, she will probably get frustrated and leave when you try to talk to her about her excessive spending. On your own time, draw a table and label food, gas,electric, rent, phone, and misc. in the columns. Teach her what to spend the money on and put money aside every time she gets a paycheck. Personally, tell her testimonies of people you knew who could not control their money and ended up with nothing in the end. Maybe that will help. Good luck!