My one year old son loves his grandmother more than me :(?

Question

I unfortunately live with my in laws. She has a very dominant personality and people gravitate toward her for some reason. My son abloslutely LOVES her. He cries for her when she leaves the house, follows her all around, gets excited when she comes in. He doesn't do any of that with me. When I leave to go to work it's like he can care less. (She babysits for me so he's with her all the time which made me think he would miss me more) He NEVER cries when I leave. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. (he's my only child) It really hurts my feelings to know he's choosing my mother in law over me. Has anyone gone through something similar?

Answer 1

think of it this way... he is secure enough to know that when you leave, you are coming back.  Also she gets the "fun" time.  You are the mom, and unfortunatly we dont get the fun things all the time, but our children depend on us and know that we are thier stablity and security.   He maybe likes being with her but he LOVES you more!

Answer 2

OMG, I had to create an account just to respond to this. First off, ignore the above posters. They're not there when your baby is sick, or when your baby was teething in the middle of the night, YOU were. They obviously don't have children to say such obscure ****.

With that said, I'll share my experience.

I was a full time worker making a ... very nice income. My wife is in the medical profession and got an offer to make even more than I was making and after a long talk, we decided that she'd be the bread winner for a while and I'd get to "see her struggles" with being an at home mom. After 3 months, the time she expected me to crack I realized I loved it more than anything and now, 8 years and three babies later I'm STILL doing it.  I've honestly seen about everything you can see with childhood and I've been there for all the times that no one else wanted.

Now, with my "badge of honor" out of the way, lol I

ll tell you a bit about how our situation works. My oldest is 7  and a huge "daddy's boy" and only pals around with me. he loves his mom and his grandma but prefers my company. When he was an 18 month old he'd cry when I left and cry when I got home and others could come and go and he could care less. When he was 4, he cried when we talked about him going to school because he said he'd miss me too much if he was at school all the time. This year, when summer hit on the first day he gave me a huge hug and said "I can't wait to spend all summer with you". To my oldest, I'm mr cool.

Then, along came my daughter. At 3 months, she didn't want me to hold her but loved her mommy when mommy was at work most of the time. at 18 months, she'd cry every morning when mommy left and couldn't care if I came or went. She favors her grandma over everyone and almost always has. I asked her a few months ago (she's 4 now) "darling, why do you enjoy going to grandmas and not want to go home sometimes" and she replies "Daddy, Grandma lets me do whatever I want and I dont' get in any trouble" I said "what if you make a huge mess, who cleans it up?" she says "Grandma does and I just watch"

So, I asked my oldest "what the heck, you guys just make messes at her house" he said "I don't but not because I don't want to get in trouble, but because I don't want her to have to clean it up" I said "well, do you ever get in trouble there" He said "once, when I told her to be quiet but it wasn't much trouble"

Now, I don't ever spank my kids and not because I think its wrong, but because I never have to. They are pretty sure I will, so I don't have to ever spank them. BUT!!!! i do time outs and I correct poor behavior. I do not let them speak fouly, I do not let them act like fools. we practice proper table mannors and I make my youngest (a 3 year old) do homework with the other two daily. All three of them are "forced" to learn something new every day. I quiz them and reward positive answers and help them find the correct answers when they get one wrong.

But why did I jsut explain this long boring pretext?

Grandma isn't there to correct life long behavior issues. Grandma isn't there to put him in time out for being a jackass. She's not there to be the bad guy when your child NEEDS a bad guy. She's only there to spoil him and give him everything she feels guilty about not giving your husband when he was little. Of course *some kids* like grandma's laxed rules more. My oldest is terrified by the no rules concept and can't stand it. "there needs to be some structure there" my 7 year old tells me. However *some kids* will love time with the person who never says no.

Now, on to my last one and I'll wrap this up. My youngest son (now 3) is a huge mommas boy. He can do no wrong with mommy. Now that he's getting older, we're starting to see the effect. He doesn't listen to her, he doesn't show any respect for her and he doesn't even have "nice" playtime with her. Instead of playing matchbox, or coloring with a nice attitude like he does with me, he always ends up tryign to kick her *** by hitting and scratching for some silly reason or another and then they fight about it. I have to step in and say "hey, cool it" and he's fine.

My daughter appears to "like" her grandma more. My youngest appears to "like" his mother more. But, its not that they like that person more, its that they like the laxed rules.  There will come a time when that baby needs that role to be filled and you, as a mommy will fill it. There will be a time when he pushes grandma too far and she starts having to be the bad guy. Don't ever let her leave it up to you on her time. If he's being an *** to her on "her shift" then she has to deal with it. Your baby can never dread you comming home.

With all that (i realize its a lot) you have to know one thing. A child only has one mom their entire life and in your case, thats you. look at the over all situation and think over why grandma is favored. Are you the only person doing disipline? are you the only one having to be the bad guy? If so, put a stop to it. Is grandma letting him do whatever he wants? if so, put a stop to it. Is grandma taking him shopping and buying his love? If so, stop that quickly.

sorry to ramble on like this, but I know what you're saying and at osme point in our lives, all of us parents feel like second best to our number one. but don't worry, you ARE his only momma. Find out what it is that grandma offers and debate if its good for him or bad, and go from there. I'm sure you're a fine mom and I hope the best for you and yours.

Answer 3

My son is a Nana's boy!!!!! ....lol  and yes I too cried when he was little and was jealous! But after 5 years I know I'm his one and only mommy.  Just make sure that you get in quality time with him everyday.  He'll still probably be "ga ga" for grandma but you'll always have a special bond with him that nobody else can have.  And at least with my son it has changed over the years. Nana is still high on the list but there are somethings mommy has to do and I can't leave him there at night anymore.....that can be not so good sometimes when me and hubby need a break....lol. I think as I got more secure in my role as mommy I stopped letting my mom intervene when something wasn't going right and if she still tried I just told her nicely that I had it covered but thanks for being there.  Lets face it after mom's have been moms for over 20 years its hard for them to take a step back.  Just let her know how you feel usually a heart to heart does the trick.  Be thankful you have a support person there for you trust me you'll need her.....lol

Answer 4

This is perfectly normal - it does not mean that he loves her more than you.  You are his one and only mommy.  Grandma gets to do all of the fun stuff, she spends a great deal of time with him and at her age she been there and done it with most kiddy things so she doesn't get frustrated like us normal Mommies can.  Your little guy is probably picking up on your anxiety so try to relax.  Be grateful that you have this woman who obviously loves your child in his life.  I hope that you & your husband are saving for your own place.

Answer 5

My friend when she was little called her babysitter mom because she was with her so much.

TRY to spend more time with your son and tell your in-law that maybe they need to spend a little less time together.

Answer 6

it is just possible that since u spend so much time with the kid hes just used to being around u all the time and other people he doesnt see as much make him happy wen he sees them

Answer 7

Has she ever SPOILED him?

I remember my mom telling me I was just like that..

It is normal considering you live with her....

&& no he loves you too alot more :D

Answer 8

What does your husband say?

Maybe its time for a change!

Unfortunately we have to work-when your not working have him with you- make being with you more fun-

If you have to leave the house and take him somewhere-fun

Remember he's your son not your in-laws- you make the rules.

Answer 9

Well, I think you need to get a grip! I mean come on, that's still his grandmother reguardless of your jealousy over his and her relationship. What does the baby's father think of these rediculous feelings your having? Maybe I'm wrong for criticizing you, but I do think you are way out of line for your way of thinking.

Answer 10

i know how you feel (in a way). My son used to love his dad, because his dad was his main care giver. When my husband is working (a other the road truck driver) my son clings to me. I think that if you could spend a little more time with your son it might really help. Just let your son know how much you care for him. Don't worry your son still loves you a whole bunch I am sure.

Answer 11

I would spend more time with him.  If she babysits for him, even though you're his actual mother, she's probably the mother figure to him.  

Also, talk to her about it, and see why she's so successful.  Maybe you can get some tips.  See if she gives him extra treats like candy or toys and if she does, ask her to lay low on them.

Answer 12

have u talked to ur mother in law? if not then talk to her about this problem!

Answer 13

His grandmother is the dominant female in his life, she is there all the time.  You're at work for a large portion of the day so naturally he has bonded to her.  Use some common sense and get over yourself.  He isn't doing this to hurt your feelings he is doing it because he is still a baby and dependent upon his grandmother for his needs...you're not there so she is the only one he can depend upon.