My only daughter moved in with us and her 2 kids as well ?

Question

she left the dead beat a.. h... she has been with for 3 yrs he is also the sperm donor to there 2 kids , he didn't allow her to have any friends or contact with family members she was only allowed to go to work to support his lazy *** they lived with out furniture for a yr she has a nice car but because he stole a playstation from someone and didn't want to go to jail he made her get a car title loan that he promised to pay off ( right he didn't nor does he now have a job) so they reposed her car and well now her and the kids are living with me and my fiancee , and everyday i hear from her shes so done with him and not going back but wants to move on with her life and yet when he has the kids she remains there with him claiming to help watch them when in fact i think its to be near him she will get all dressed up to bring the kids there to where he is staying . my question is are me and my fiancee being played for fools by these too they were evicted and claimed the relationship was over was that to get us to let her and the kids stay with us it surely seems so to me by the way my kids only know me when there in need other wise they never come around and shes being lazy as **** not picking up after her kids over half the time not helping with daily chores oh well its moms place she can do it attitude this isn't what i thought it would be it feels my lifes now the one turned upside down not hers shes got it made while me and my fiancee feel like are lives are in a up roar the sperm donor claims he will keep the kids for a week than after one day and night with his sons he tells her he cant keep them the rest of the week oh my it might interfer with his sleep patterern cuz the sob dont work and lives off others please give me your advice and if any of you want to give my daughters yours as to him send that along to me as well i will surely pass it on to her maube wake her up sorry so long thanks for listening to me rant and rave

Answer 1

its not really a question but Good Luck..

Answer 2

i think you need to talk to a social worker or someone like that.

it is obvious that you do not want to help your daughter in this situation, calling her lazy, not trusting her story, talking of how put upon you and your fiance are...

so maybe you should help her to find help somewhere else ( and then you'd be helping yourself aswell.)

Answer 3

Tell her you love her and taught her better than to be with such a douchebag, to neglect her kids, and to take advantage of people (and by people I mean you) Tell her that you have no choice but to kick her out if she doesn't get a job and help out around the house within a month.  

Answer 4

Help her find another man who wants kids and would be good to them. Go to online dating services with her. Get her interested in other things. She is your daughter for better or worse. You brought her into this world.

Answer 5

I SURE THINK THAT IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE BEING PLAYED FOR A FOOL!! BY HER AT LEAST!! AND IT SEEMS TO ME SHE IS MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE. BUT USUALLY IN THESE SITUATIONS THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON THAT CAN HELP HER AND IT'S HERSELF!! IT JUST SUCKS THAT THE KIDS HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS. BUT IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD SIT DOWN AND TALK TO HER AND TELL HER THAT YOU FEEL THIS WAY. TELL HER THAT NOW THAT SHE HAS THE GREAT LIFE...YOURS IS FALLING APART. AND I BET IT'S CAUSING PROBLEMS BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR FIANCE, ISN'T IT? TELL HER THAT. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 6

Well wiggles, its clear you do not like the fellow. It is also clear that you would rather the daughter move on with her life. Perhaps its best to set up the process for her to move way the heck out of town so that she can land a new job and life. Make the fellow pay child support, and if he does not then make him sigh off rights to the kids!

She can then move on with her life and perhaps find a new fellow, while you and your fellow get on with your life. Set your daughter up with a family service organization in a new town so that she can restart her life. This time she ought to know not to have any kids till the marriage certificate is signed!

Life is simple so why complicate it. Keep it simple.

Answer 7

Bless her heart.

Answer 8

you need to set things straght. I know you love your daughter but if she wont get off her *** and help you around the house and mind her own kids then u have to give her the boot. Tell her something like I dont care what you do w that *** of a guy but you need to handle your children, if she has a job (which she should) then tell her to pay you rent and put her kids in day care b/c U HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE Im not trying to be harsh but she needs to realise that she choose to be a mom and she needs to step up to the plate.  

Answer 9

ITS weird, Im kind agoing through the same thing, although no kids, unfortunatley its barley setting in after being with this guy for 8 months, and I think its only because every single person around me that cares about me is giving me their unwanted opinion left and right telling me hes a deadbeat and to leave him..ALL I CAN say for you is, set your ground rules, dont be taken advantage of, give her an ultimatem, thats life who cares if she gets mad its for her own good so she doesnt look like a fool any longer..you didnt raise no fool right?

tell her she needs to get a place with him within the next 2 to 3 weeks, beleive me if neither of them are working they can do it...that way she'll pressure him and not you. Also keep in mind if you want your fiance to not want to leave you you need to leave her basically...shes old enough to get herself out of a rut.  

Answer 10

i think you should kick her to the curb, shes a grown women mooching off you. tell her to face her problems and don't play you as a fool. Don't be mean about it though approach her nicely.

Answer 11

You didn't say how old your daughter is but it sounds as if she is rather young deep down she is hoping he will change and she dresses up to help him want to do better. But that won't work because you can't change the stripes on a zebra he will never change and she is wasting her time and life waiting, he is a loser and she needs to see that.I would set rules about helping and taking care of her kids and she would either follow the rules or I would take custody of her kids and toss her out to  save the innocent kids. This isn't about her or him it now concerns the kids and they come first.You just got pulled into the middle because they had no other way to deal with it.And now it is your place to take the bull by the horns and take care of business the right way. Make her take parenting classes and don't let her see him make him get a court order to see his kids with a 3rd party as the go between. You  need to play hard ball at this point. Good Luck

Answer 12

You are being used. I am not sure if it is for a place since they were evicted...but you are being used.

I would sit her down and lay ground rules.  She either needs to get a job she can ride a bus to or walk to, or file for welfare for her and the kids (she can do that and list herself and the kids as separate maintenance) because you do not need to support them. I would also sit her down and tell her what chores she will be doing to help out. What time you expect the kids to be picked up after each day (or how ever you want it done)  As in if you get home from work at 4:00 and want to relax after 6:00 then the house needs to be picked up by 6:00.

That the sperm donor does not need someone to help him take care of the kids so he comes to your door to pick them up and brings them back or he doesn't see them.  If you go to any attorney you can get a visitation guideline for how much he can see them by their ages. If he can't or won't come and get them...too bad!  So, no more spending time with Mr. a** h***!  If she feels they are in danger if she is not there, then they shouldn't go!   A clean cut is what it is called!  And if she doens't feel she can or needs to abide by your rules, you have no need to let her stay there. I know you have grand children....if push comes to shove maybe you can take custody of them so the kids won't live on the street. But it is called tough love and it has to be done! She will either decide to get wise...or she will leave. You and your fiance deserve this time to be happy. You raised her, you did your job...now it is time for her to do her job and be a parent.

Good luck, it is hard, I know from experience!  But it is the only answer. God bless you!

Answer 13

I understand how upsetting this can be to you and your life, but you sound very angry. My advice?

1. Have a family meeting with you, your daughter, and your fiancee.

2. If it is true, tell her you love her and your grandchildren.

3. Set down some house rules.

4. Decide on a budget for rent, groceries, and utilities.

5. Keep your opinions about her ex to yourself.

You are pushing her right back to him with your negativity. If that's what you want, just ask her to leave right now.

Answer 14

Wow you could write a book abuot this saga.  She made a bad choice with this man, had children with him, and she needs to fix the issue NOT you.  Don't give her too much, or she will never move out, and you will become the first parent of those children.