My own mother doesn't want me how could anyone else?

Question

My mother and step-father kicked me out of their house at the age of 18...no car, no money, only my belongings and a job 15 miles away. It has been a year and two weeks since they kicked me out, I don't speak to either of them and i don't know what the final straw was to bring them to that conclusion. My relationship is very quickly falling apart and i hate the job that i have. I feel like the whole world is out to see me fail and i will not go crawling back to my parents if my relationship fails. I just hate having to question my worth. The very person who brought me into this world told me that i was too much for her to deal with and that i'm not her problem anymore. if my own mother doesn't want me how could anyone else? I'm nineteen now and I have a place to live that is close enough to my job that i can walk there. I can pay bills and i am plenty capable of budgeting my money to make sure that i have food and a place to live. I just feel so empty...there is always a mother-child bond there...and my mother sent me away. I wish I could talk to her, i miss my mom and my siblings. Any advice?

Answer 1

Wow, I am sad to hear that.  The only thing i can think to say is, try to call your mother.  Just because you both don’t always agree on things and cann’t live together does not mean you both can not maintain a relationship.  If I were you I would call her.  Build a relationship again.  Slowly.  Don’t ask for anything or nag.  Just talk.  Enjoy eachothers company.  Maybe you both can working on getting along from a distance.  Do you think she want’s to speak to you.  If so try.  If your mother doesn’t then you might have to move on.  Parent are human they make mistakes too.  There are not perfect.  The do not always make the best decisions.  You have to understand they have faults too.  That doesn’t make you less of a person and it doesn’t meant you can not go on to do big and great things in your life. Many people have concored worse.  The actress Charlize Theron, her mother killed her father.  Many people go through things they may not have wanted but they get through it and still become great! You can too.  While you are at your job look for something new.  It sounds to me like you are doing great on your own.  You go girl.  Good Job.  

Answer 2

just go and visit them, by visiting them youa re not crawling back becuase you are doing okay on your own.

thers no harm in just 1 visit?

Answer 3

Hey, girl

I am sorry for what happened to you, did you know the real reason that your mom had to act like that? how would you describe your mom? is she manipulated by your step-father? how was your relationship with your step-father?  try to ask to all this questions,what is it that you blame yourself for? and let me tell you that if your mother doesn' t want you it is no reason that the whole world excludes you too. What is important is to find why all those things needed to happen in the most sincere way answer.... good luck! be strong

Answer 4

Write your mother a letter explaining how you feel. If she actually responds with "I don't want you anymore" or something close to that, then that is just plain cruel. Im so sorry :( If this doesn't work out, try profewssional counseling. I hope this helps!

Answer 5

Your story made me really sad. But look, they will always love you, give them a call and talk too them. Trie to make peace with her( or them).

We on Yahoo Answers care for you.

Good Luck!!

Answer 6

im sure your not giving us the entire story your mom had a good reason for kicking you out that your not telling us but anyway the only thing you can do is maybe call her up tell her how you feel and that you miss her and your sorry  

Answer 7

Go Home

Answer 8

Sometimes moms are stupid... there are people who love you.. and if there really is no one... someone will love you im absolutely sure of it... and i know you may not think so or want to hear it... but go to church and seek god... and he will love you from heaven... and find someone for you to love and be loved by here on earth... And call your mom, she may be sooo worried about you~  

Answer 9

love yourself...

pray...

love yourself again...

move on...

strive for yourself...

prove them that they were wrong, by working hard for yourself, earn for yourself, love your job for yourself...

make yourself proud...

thank God everyday for the strength that He gives you everyday...

and again, LOVE YOURSELF...

Answer 10

Do you have a boyfriend?

Get a good job, try answering surveys online and year money. If you are young enough you can go to an adoption center.

Answer 11

FORGIVENESS, FORGIVENESS and more FORGIVENESS from both sides.....family will always be and should always remain just that FAMILY.....talk it out amongst yourselves and you will soon realize just what both sides have been missing.......each other.....good luck sweetie and may GOD BLESS you all.

Answer 12

I don't think that your mother doesn't want you anymore because you are still her daughter and she wants the best for you. Maybe you just did a simple thing that make her mad that's why she did this to you. And also as my advice, you must communicate with her as early as possible. I think your mother is waiting for you to come home.  

Answer 13

perhaps your mother was experiencing some kind of domestic violence from your stepfather which is why she asked you to leave, or perhaps your behaviour was challenging at the time. the best that you can do is make a life for yourself which is rich and full of worthwhile things, but leave a "door"open for your mother to return to you one day.Dont take this personally, it is not a negative judgement of you - any child would have been treated the same ...it was just the wrong time for you to be together.

Answer 14

that's such a sad story :(

life goes on. it will get better. i think that even though u got kicked out; u should visit ur family again.

im sure just because your mom, and step-father kicked u out doesn't mean, they or anyone else doesn't want you.

little by little try to talk, visit, your mom and siblings. im sure they miss and care and still love you.

Answer 15

what i would say its very sad and other people r out there so dont stop just move on look 4 love because if u do find someone you love you could just start all over! i hope this helps again i hope you find a new life!

love,

  tara

Answer 16

I suspect you know why your mother threw you out. As far as your bond with your mother, has she contacted you at all during this time? If she has then call her and ask her to talk. Then have an adult conversation without the drama. Apologize and ask if you can continue talking with her and eventually become part of the family again.

If your mother hasn't contacted you at all, then you may be faced with your worst fear, that your mother doesn't care about you. While that is something that will take some effort to overcome, you have to understand that its not about you, its about her. Just because she reproduced, that's not enough to make her a mother.

You have obviously landed on your feet. You need to learn that life doesn't owe you anything and while its a lonely scary thing, you are responsible for yourself. Your relationship is falling apart and you are sad and scared and its natural to want your mother. However only you can gage if your mother is capable of actually giving you what you need. Don't frustate yourself by expecting her to be something she is not.

You will need to learn to mother yourelf. And when you are a mother, be a better one. Remember the lessons of your life and don't repeat them.

I'm not going to judge why your mother threw you out. Kids at that age can be a destructive force in a family and sometimes that's all you can do. Again, you landed on your feet. If you have a good job, keep it, even if you are unhappy, you won't be working it for life. Get some education so that you have better choices in the future. Pat yourself on the back for doing a good job so far. You are obviously a good person, having a bad period of time, but that's what life is like. You cannot crumble just because things change around you, you have to continue on.

Call your mom. You'll know pretty right off the bat if she misses you. If she does, then do what you have to to make things different. If she doesn't, remember, its not you, its her. Good luck, honey.  

Answer 17

Life gets better as time goes on.....i was abused as a child by my dad, my mum did nothing, i left home when i was 16, i have two children, i have been in abusive relationships but .........life could not be better now, its great and time is a healer, i also had therapy whcih im now out of.

You have to find your inner strengh and cheer up, move on, have some therapy if it helps. : 0

Answer 18

Just go talk to them.

Its easier said then done, but in your case thats the only way to resolve your  dilemma.

Its the only way to get the answers..  

Answer 19

its ok my mum threatens that with me  all of the time and i have moved out before it feels that way because you have nothing else to do so your thinking about the past you shouldn't show your mum you have grown up and changed, tell her you just want to talk your not trying to move back your coping well enough on your own take her for a coffee or a meal and just lay down peace with her your mother doesn't hate you at the end of the day your mum still loves you what ever you do or say  that  hurts her there is still a place in her heart were you belong.

i hope it all goes well and if you ever need to  talk to someone just msg. me i will get back to you good luck paige .x.x.x.

Answer 20

No offense, but the 1st thing which came up in to my mind is that, that is not even a mother! which mum will kick her own child out of her house? well, 1 suggestion is, try send some money to them if possible and wait for their next move. More importantly, talk things out...i bet they kicked you for a reason and are now badly regretting about this, try giving it a second go, i mean, go back to your house and look for your mother and step-father. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 21

Find some kind of support group for this and make some friends.  No one can replace your parents but you can find other people that will love you as family.  You just need to find people with common interests and build trust.  Which sibling did you feel closest too?  Perhaps you could start up a relationship with that sibling and see where it goes from there, test the waters at least.

Answer 22

I'm sorry.

Your worth isn't determined by your parent's love.  THEIR worth is determined by the love they feel for you.

Don't let this destroy you.  I know what it is like to have bad parents, although I haven't suffered as you have.  You may not have their support, but neither do you have the burden of being with such people.

You are young, and that is a terrible disadvantage to supporting yourself.  But being young is also a great freedom.  Your life is just starting, it's barely begun.  The way for you to walk is clear if only you know which way to walk.  

DO NOT get in some silly relationship.  You will feel obligated.  DO NOT THINK of having irresponsible s*x.  Becoming a parent right now would be unfair to you and a child.  Focus on a job.  Learn your strengths.  THEN go to school to develope those strengths.

DO NOT hold yourself back with drugs, alcohol, tobacco or bad relationships.  If I were in your shoes, knowing what I know now, I would be happy.

You are as free as you will ever be.  Don't mourn the loss of that which you were lucky to lose.

Good luck.  

-J

EDIT:

To those of you offering religion: don't prey on the injured.

To those of you blaming her: don't.

To those of you advising reconcilliation: you don't understand the evil some are capable of.

Shame on you.

Answer 23

Just go to your mother and siblings. It's never too late. Explain to them how you are feeling,that you miss them. And you know believe it or not they most likely probably miss you too.

Just go! It's better then remaining silent and loosing out on those relationships for the rest of your life.

*Good Luck*!!

Answer 24

i think you should start all over.

quit your job, get a loan, move, start a new job and a new life and put all the past behind you.

Answer 25

The bond is still there.  Try calling her sometime, just to ask how she's doing.  Tell her that you're doing well.  Don't ask her for anything.  Just talk for a while and tell her that you'd like to call once in a while if that's OK with her.  

I suspect that there's some background here that you haven't told us.  Is the stepfather a problem?  Was there a lot of conflict in your household?  When she said you weren't her problem anymore, apparently there was some kind of problem involving you that she couldn't deal with.  Whatever it was, just letting her know that you're OK is a good start.  Tell her you'd like to forget the past and just talk sometimes.  Keep it light, and show her that you're pulled together.  She does miss you.

Answer 26

It could be that your mother has mental problems. It could be that you aren't admitting the truth of the situation. Only you know.

If your mother does have mental problems, then there's not much you can do. You can keep in touch with your siblings and hope that she one day gets the help she needs.

If you were kicked out due to your own behavior, then you need to prove to your mother that you have changed. Invite her over for dinner some night and have a talk. Don't expect to be invited right  back to live in her house, but it could open the door to having a relationship with her again.

Regardless, just because your mother kicked you out, it doesn't mean that no one else can love you. Your mother is an individual with her own choices to make. If you believe that you are a good person with something to offer this world, then you will find people who love you for who you are. If you don't think you're a good person, then change what you don't like about yourself.

.

Answer 27

I never had a mother-daughter bond and it hurts me everyday but I have moved on with my life. She will always be my mother, the person who brought me life, but nothing more to me. I wasn't kicked out, but I did leave my home at 18. I fell in love, and she couldn't stand the fact that I was independent and doing things for myself instead of doing things for her. She tried to bribe me by giving me a brand new car so that I can drive her around and take myself to school/work. It wasn't like I couldn't find my own source of transportation, the bus was fine for me. She just needed something to reel me back in so that I could do things for her since I was the most independent of all my siblings. My 2 eldest sisters was just to much into themselves to worry about her needs, yet she would rather comment on how well they are compared to what I have done for myself. So I left and didn't turn back. My only regret was leaving my father because he was the only one I would stay for. I miss everyone terribly, even the ones that doesn't like me for no apparent reason. I question myself everyday as to why I am not liked in my family and why sometimes I'm not treated like family. I wouldn't deal with depression if it weren't for my immediate family. I felt worthless having people who are supposed to be my family but treat me like an outsider. If it weren't for my Husband I think I would end up being mental or something with all this emotional abuse going on.

I am 27, with 2 children. Things haven't change much. I figured the best I can do is cut all of them out of my life to avoid any more stress/depression and doubting myself again because I can't change their minds to like me. Even if I've done great for myself, succedded on so many levels they all fail to acknowledge. I don't do it for them, I do it for myself but yet I'm still at the bottom of the chain. At least acknowledge it is all I ask, even my kids get the same end of the stick and it isn't fair so I said forget it. I'm moving on. I am much happier not worrying about them so much and just live my life with my Husband and children.

Answer 28

what your mom did to you is basically mental abuse... she made you feel like your nothing and your more than that. Just because she was S****y to you doesn't mean you can't have a good life. Just keep your head up and I'm sure things will get better  

Answer 29

I can't help you in the parent department because i don't know why you guys are in this fight. All i can say is that just because your parents do not agree with you right now -doesn't mean nobody "wants you" or cares about you. Don't let this make you think less of yourself. My parent's problems makes me think this all the time but i just have to remind myself of all the great things i have to offer the world. Good luck - i hope you can work things out.

Answer 30

i am so sad for you your mum must of lost the plot after she met this step-dad of urz .i really think you should contact your mum and ask her why she pushed you out this way if she has nothing nice to say then i think you should be proud of yourself look at you you are working earning and surviving well done u are stronger than you think

Answer 31

there's nothing wrong on questioning your own worth.it's a very delicate situation that you are in now,since you got issues with your own mom.but i admire you really for not hating her at all.i really do..some would just say bad things already if that thing happened to them..i guess its all in the attitude.look at you,you are successful despite of all the downfalls you had.you feel empty because you don't understand why your mother did this "kicking you out in the house".the best way to deal with that emptiness is to talk to her sweetheart.to your mother,she may have the best answer to all your questions.that also reflects maybe why your relationships don't function too well cause you got unresolved issues within yourself,and unconsciously it is seen through your attitude towards your partner.maybe your partner have seen things in you that he don't want in for a girl whom he is attached with..settle yourself emotionally and mentally..free yourself from those negative thoughts,spend some time,go home and talk to your parents..I wish you all the best in life..I am 20 years old and still lives with my parents.