My parents always seem to find something wrong with me.

Question

My parents never are happy enough with me. They call me a spoiled brat. They say I mother my sister too much when i am just trying to help. They say I am nice with my friends and most of the time, but to them am horrible with my behavior. My mom exagerates what i do, and they do the same things they yell at me for. They won't listen, and they never are willing to understand me. Sure they listen, but they wait for me to finish to bring their next point. I want to run away, but won't. But please help. a one hour yelling lecture from them last night and was so frusterated that near the end, when my dad said he didn't mean to sound brusk, and i said so many times i didn't mean to sound antagonistic, that i almost- no kid- went crazy. I kinda did. I lost control and started yelling and crying and felt i was going to faint. I went to bed a 1:30 in the morning with a huge headache and woke with a broken heart. They don't understand anything i see. Help.

Answer 1

Before we become parents, we always say, "I'm never going to say that to my kids! I won't make the mistakes my parents made!" And, of course, we do.

Make no mistake, your parents understand you. They are trying to control you (in a certainly unhelpful way), because they don't want to see you make painful mistakes.

I told my kids as they were growing up, "Do as you're told when you're told, and keep quiet. Then everything will be okay." It never works out that way.

Life is messy. Just watch and listen to your folks. Then say, "I'll never treat my kids like this!"

Answer 2

You are going through your teen years first of all.

If I were you, I would first take a look at myself and ask myself if anything your parents are saying is true.

I would choose my battles with them. Remember they are your parents and even though you may not see it the same way as them, they are looking out for your best interest.

As far as you go! I think parents forget what it is like to be a teen. They seem to be a little less patient and they don't understand what pressures you are dealing with as a teen.

I have children and my daughter is going through the exact same thing as you are at this very moment.

Her and her mother just can't seem to get along with one another. I do my best to understand what she is going through and I listen to her side.

Somehow, if you can get your mom or dad to put everything aside and then approach them from a different angle, you may have better luck getting through to them.

So if you can, wait until nothing is going on and then say something like this.

Mom or Dad, can I speak to you for a mintute in private.

Then ask them if it is ok for you to let them know exactly how you are feeling and to listen without making any comments or suggestion?

Tell them no matter how they feel about it isn't as important to you right now as listening to you and what you are going through.

Tell them when you are finished, they can simply just walk away without commenting because you just need to get things off of your chest.

Then if you are able to do this, I promise, which ever one you speak to will walk away with a lot to think about.

Be patient and try to look at matters from your parents points of view too.

Use this to help you. Say to yourself, if I had a child, what would I want to allow them to do or what would I do in this situation.

I really want you to know all of this will come to past. Trust me, I have seven kids. Most of them have come to me the one's who are adults now but, they say, dad I am sorry for the way that I acted because now that I have kids of my own, I completely understand why you did this or said that.

Please think about the outcome of everything you do and what it will do to you and your family if you were to make irresponsible choices.

Last, don't run away, you will only add to the fire, more for yourself.

Good luck!

Answer 3

everyone goes through this. i know how you feel. there's no way out. :(

Answer 4

you're adopted

Answer 5

well...i would probably do what i could do to avoid anyone who makes you feel bad or crazy.  spend your time with people who make you happy or just LEARN something like a new language- you can do that online!  just spend more time alone.

Answer 6

Do you have a grandma?

Answer 7

dont feel bad i know its hard not to, but school starts back soon that will give you time to get away

Answer 8

You can allways pray that things would get better at home. God does love you. If you pray to Jesus I amcondifent things will change good luck! Tell the also in a nice note how you feel.  

Answer 9

There will always be people, who love to find faults with others.... As hard it may be either sit there in stony silence, merely agreeing with each point ( even though you know are none of those things), or just say; " I understand that I will never meet your standards, I may appear to be all of those things you say I am- but I know that I am not, but I cannot change your perspective of me, so what is the point of my trying?"  Or even calmly compose yourself, appear controlled and unbreakable- give them nothing to pick you up on. I am sorry I couldn't have been more help. Good luck !

Answer 10

Have you talked with you sister about this? Telling someone will make you feel better to just get everything out.  

Answer 11

They're wrong....You are not a spoiled brat!  ... You sound more like a drama queen!

Answer 12

you did'nt say how old you were, but my parents, esp my mom treated me the same way. i even resulted in harming myself, stupid right? i know. i hope you're not thinking of anything crazy and dumb like that. but yeah, i just let time heal it, and eventually it did. she's off my back a little now. haha just talk to her or someone, dont go on yahoo to try to fix it. go to counseling or something. good luck hun! =]

Answer 13

talk  someone  about  this

Answer 14

Next time anybody(mom,dad,sis) tries to say something negative about u,stop them before they say it.Tell them how they make u feel.Tell them that u feel like running away,b/c nobody knows you for who you really are,tell them that you feel like you dont belong.While your telling them this don't yell it,but don't say it too calm or too low.Say it as if you mean what you are saying.Then hopefully they will understand you,and you will forgive them,and they will forgive you.Then you'all can start over with each other.Hope i helped.Good luck.

Answer 15

thats just parents

Answer 16

aw sweety. Reading this just broke my heart for you.  Listen. I'm 23 and a new mother and my mom and I had this EXACT same relationship. I'll admit things are still sometimes tense with her, but things got better as I got older. I'm very opinionated, and strong willed and so is my mother so we butt heads a lot. I learned to bite my tongue and just let things go with her because she was never going to act the adult. Soon she picked up on it and started doing it too, and now we both have an amicable relationship where we can bite our tongues. I just make sure to not repeat the cycle with my daughter now that I'M a mother. Its hard and scarey and it has deffinately given me some insight into my mother. No matter what is said or done just know that as you get older it will get better, and in the mean time stay strong.  

Answer 17

honey, they want to steer you in the right direction.  they are trying but seems to be somewhat overprotective.  just talk with them and tell them that you feel scared instead of loved by them.  just be gentle and let them know that you love them anyway.   always after an argument, tell them that you love them.. i know at times if seems hard, but let them know you love them and ask if they love you too.  sounds like you are young and parents sometimes just dont understand.  tomorrow wiill be a brighter day.  stay strong.  

Answer 18

How old are you? If you are a teenager what you are going through is very typical. Are you the oldest child? If you are...that makes it a little tougher.You know what I am thinking right now...I think you absolutely want to make things better...I am reading "between the lines" and from some of the things you say I think you would really like to get along with your parents.So here is my suggestion....Get out of the house with the two of them....just the three of you. Pick a place where the 3 of you will have no choice but to talk quietly and then... start talking....If they start to interrupt, ask them respectfully to allow you to finish. The important thing here is (1) let your parents know that you love them very much(2) let them know that you want to have a good relationship with them....When you open up to them ...tell them what is really bothering you...Get to the point without any drama and without any attitude...Just speak from your heart.And then...Do the same for them...allow them to talk and be a good listener and do not get on the defensive...Just Listen!!!

I promise you that if you will try this you will feel better ! Good Luck!

Answer 19

I'm sorry. Just take a break from them a while and don't talk to them. Hope you feel better! =)

Answer 20

I really think U need to buy them a present or if u r a kid u shud tell ur parents not to give u allowance and buy u stuff only if they want to but for me buying them a good present really worked out............good luck with ur parents  

Answer 21

Hi Hon, This must be such a hard time for you!

One thing to remember even if it is hard to right now, is that your parents love you sooo very much. And I am sure you love them too.

You are growing up and struggling to find your independence. You are trying to figure out who you are as a person. For some reason girls go through a harder time with this than boys do.

Please don't give up on trying to communicate with them. When you mentioned that your dad said he didn't mean to sound so brusk, and you said you didn't mean to sound antagonistic, that tells me that both sides are really trying to communicate.

I would suggest that you ask for a calm time to talk with them. Ask that if either side starts to get upset, you stop and continue at another time. No raised voices allowed. Hug them too once in a while during your talks.

This truly is a difficult time for both you and your parents.

You are trying to be your own person and be accepted by them.

They are trying to deal with their little girl that is suddenly growing up.

I wish you the Very Best of Luck!

Answer 22

Some of the answers you have gotten are excellent I say definitely try talking to them first and if that does not work try writing a letter to them. Outline your feelings and concerns. And ask them to explain their expectations clearly.

Answer 23

This is a difficult one to answer. I know your hurt because you feel not important or invisible. You need to ask them if you can have a few minutes of their time and then talk about it. Ask them NOT to get angry and not to interfere until you are finished. If you think that wouldn't work, then write each one of them a letter. Some parents can Not be talked to other than with a therapist in the room. Some parents think they are right no matter what. Some kids ARE spoilt and who's fault is that? Theirs!  You don't need to make yourself sick about it. Learn to find some way to change your behaviour to suit their needs or just keep getting yelled at. Sometimes the best thing to do is do nothing. Hope things get better for you and someone here will give you some ideal on what you can and can not do. Good luck!