My parents disapprove of my lifestyle - I'm 42!

Question

I just got this really judgmental letter from my dad. They think I shouldn't have left my husband two and a half years ago, and I shouldn't have a boyfriend now. I got the sense that they don't really know who I am at all. I called my Dad, and he claimed that he just didn't know any of the history behind the ending of the relationship with my bipolar ex. And he's certainly never asked about my boyfriend. We're all pretty distant from each other, and I'd like to be closer to them. But what can I do when they come from this judging disapproval?

My parents rarely call or write - I almost always take the initiative. What's up, and how can I get them to see me for who I am? FWIW, I consider myself happy and successful, but when I told my Dad that, he basically shut me down.

Lifestyle: I stayed home with the kids until the youngest went into 1st grade. Now I'm finishing my college degree, have 3 kids in college, and am in a very stable and happy relationship.

Answer 1

parents have a right to voice their opinion and feelings about their children's lifestyle..but on the other hand, it is your life to do as you please..all the choices you make have consequences..

Answer 2

You are doing good by taking the initiative to call and or write them.  At least the good Lord above will see you for who you are and know that you are doing good by not judging them.  This is your life and you are the only one who can say what you will or will not do.  You are definitely right making make yourself happy.

Answer 3

We all seek approval from our parents, whatever age we are. But in this case, sounds like your dad is not going to listen one way or another.

You have 3 kids in college, you are finishing college yourself ... HEY!! stand up and give yourself a pat on the back. I am sure your kids love you, and respect what you have done for them.

Sometimes we get our parents love sometimes we get our childrens love... and then no matter what we do, we get neither.  

Answer 4

First let me congratulate you on the good life you have made for yourself and your kids.  Living well is the best revenge, as they say.  I too admire you for the effort you are attempting to make with your family.  It may be that your parents are having difficulty because they have guilt over the way they have responded to your situation.  My husband's mother lived this in a way...her first husband was an alcoholic and abusive.  When she divorced him and raised 4 children on her own, his family blamed her and isolated themselves from her and the kids.  It was only when the guy drank himself to death did they come around and realize that they had judged her unfairly.  My husband did enjoy some time with his previously unknown aunts and uncles before they began to pass on. There was much guilt and recrimination on all of their parts for the role they played in the ostracising of my MIL and the kids.  All you can do is keep the door open, if it is what you want.  Continue to make whatever effort you feel comfortable with.  On the other hand, I also don't think you need to put your life on hold for this.  I am not a huge fan of Dr. Phil, but he did say something once I totally agree with-you are not your past. Perhaps you would benefit from some professional counseling just to work with your own feelings on this situation.  I wish you all the very best-good luck.

Answer 5

if ur happy and there is food on the table 4 u and your childern to eat it really donst matter wat ur father thanks ur jst gonna have 2 learn 4 ya self