My partner and i are curently going thrgh serious financial stress and its now even affecting our intimacy.?

Question

i try at all times to be there for him but at times i really get irritated because i xpect him to talk about it but he keeps sayin everything will be alright i mustnt worry. How do i keep supporting him without messing up at all, the last thing we need is to be in challenging situation and having tension between us.

Answer 1

If you are in debt email me [e-mail]

Answer 2

Then turn to a Debt Counselor for advise if it is that bad.  #1 reason for marriage breakups is money.

Answer 3

There are organizations that can help you work out your financial problems, such as Consumer Credit Counseling.  They will have the interest stopped on your credit cards and such, and devise a budget for you.

Answer 4

It can be really tough for guys to talk about finances that are going bad. It is drilled into us from a young age that "Big Boys Don't Cry" , that the man is "the bread winner" and a "real man" always pays for a woman.

Now all of a sudden there is a this crisis...a lot of guys have difficulty admitting there is a problem because it affects your self esteem and your ego / dignity / self worth. How do you admit to someone you love that you are a failure ? Maybe they will leave you in disgust so you cover up and hope it will improve

Yes, it is definitely going to effect intimacy and I would not be surprised if his libido goes out of the window.

How you can help..by being gentle ..by making comments about how tough it must be for him and your expectations are different and that you love him anyway and still trust him etc and you still think he is the same man you met . Capable , loving etc

  

Answer 5

finances are the # 1 cause of breakups in relationships...you need to really seperate the money from the intimacy...or it causes a breakup

Answer 6

he might not want to talk about it. it might be the best way he deals with things

Answer 7

I want you to see if there is local debt consumer credit counseling agency that can help you

Answer 8

Do your best to separate your love life from your finances.  It can be hard though.  Write out every expense you have, or use the link below.  Under Tools and Resources, click Cash Flow Statement.  Use that to create a budget, and ask your banker to help.  If you have trouble sticking to a budget, when you get paid, put the amounts for each category into envelops or jars with labels.  Also consider extra part time jobs to catch up.  Women In Red is an online group, and can give you ideas on how to save as well.  

Don't use a credit counselling agency, I think you need to learn to handle money and fix your problems your self.  You'll feel better for it.

Answer 9

It sounds like he is trying to protect you, but at the same time shutting you out and there must be a reason for that.  Is the financial stress due to just disorganized management or is it a deeper problem like gambling or something else, because I would think that in a close relationship that you would be able to sit down logically and discuss where the problem is, so by him shutting you out, it sounds like there is more to it.  I hope that I am wrong, but I think that you should try to let him know that you are his partner and you don't know how to act if he won't include you fully into what is happening.  See what he says after that and you might be able to find out why he is shutting you out.  Good luck and try to remain strong for him.

Answer 10

Financial stress is so awful, I feel for you guys.  Your partner so wants to make it not seem so bad and not worry you more than necessary.  Plus, being a man he probably feels more responsible for the lack of funds etc. and feeling that he should be able to fix it.

He needs to accept that you are worried and you're allowed to be worried!

There is good counselling out there for people in financial strife.  I'm pretty sure that in Australia they are Government funded too.  Do you think he would go along with you to counselling?  It would really help to talk to someone neutral and get out in the open how your both feeling.  Also, they have advice on how you can set about improving your financial situation.

All the best.