My partner cheated on me.. help?

Question

My partner let someone else do a sexual act on him, and i heard about it and asked him, but as usual he denined it. but eventually told me two years later.. he is my first partner i have ever had and we have a child, I love him but cant trust him any more.. he also has a drug and alcohol problem where he has hit me a few times.. he also lost his only sister a year ago

Answer 1

You and your child's safety is more important than anything else. Get help and get out !

Answer 2

get rid of him u can do way better

Answer 3

you can not have a relationship without trust. By the way he will do it again my x said it was a mistake and did it 5 years into our marriage for the second time. don't make the same mistake i did. Death is part of life do not let him hold his sister over your head to stay with him. I would not stay with anyone that hit me.

Answer 4

You´re in with a guy who´s got many personal problems and you´re going down with him by the day. I totally understand that you love him and you´ve stayed with him because of love, and because you probably think he might change someday. But when a child is involved, it is disappointing that you would want to be with a person that desrespects you and has such big problems as drugs and alcohol and have your child to watch, or even sense it.

Ih he´s hit you before, which is a huge disrespect and not a sign of love at all, if he´s using drugs and alcohol and plus has cheated on you, I think you are well aware that he´s not in love with you, never loved you truthfully and is not an example to your child whatsoever.

For your child, if not for yourself, leave this person and search for happiness, stability and security somewhere else, if that means by yourself, so be it. Your child needs a stable home so he or she can grow up to be a good person with a good heart. If you ask yourself once in a while how the world has gotten to be so corrupted and polluted with evil , just ask yourself what your child is learning from home!

You can still work your life out without this man and your child deserves a better life and a better environment.

Answer 5

I know you probably won't listen to anyone telling you to leave him but that is my advice as well.  Leave him.  It doesn't matter that his sister died last year, stop giving excuses for his behavior.  He is a drug addict.  Secondly, your partner is abusive.  If you cannot muster up enough strength to leave him for you -- leave him because of what he'll do to your child.  Even IF he never lays a hand on your child, the environment itself will do so much psychological damage.  Get out while you still can.

Answer 6

leave now!!

Answer 7

Please leave him he is no good. He has problems and lies to you. Why would you want to still be with him.

Answer 8

it really doesn't take common sense to figure this out,

he cheated

you confronted him but LIED about

decided to tell you after TWO years

has a drug problem

and has HIT you. do you know the meaning of that word: 'HIT'!!!! i would have left the moment i found out he was cheating. and oh great, now a child is involved. just get out!!!

Answer 9

It's terrible his sister died but you can't let it affect your life forever, and neither can he.  He needs to quit the dope, by himself if possible, or get help any way he can.  Ask him to go to AA meetings, tell him you'll go with him for support.  It can and will help some, as he begins to hear others speak and recognizes his own issues.  If not then you might think about getting away from him for good.  You can't fix his life, only he can do it.    

EDIT:  People go to AA who are on any kind of drug.  Although it's primarily for alcoholics plenty of people go there who were addicted to narcotics, crack, meth, etc.  In my area, if you are arrested with any type drug, it doesn't have to be alcohol related at all, you must go to alcoholics anonymous meetings court ordered as the group can help anyone addicted to any type drug.

Answer 10

Well it sounds like he has too many issues and you need to leave him. He has a violence and drug and alcohol problem. Just move on, just because he lost his sister doesn't give an excuse for him to act like that. Those sound like some real bad problems.  

Answer 11

gosh!! what kind of guy is that?! get away from him u need to go on with your child. but in case u love him, talk to him.

good luck!

Answer 12

having a drug addict and a cheater is having to deal with two problems at once.thus is a man who can't problem solve, who may seek out other women when there are problems in the marriage, because he has no problem solving skills.if u stay with a man like this, your in for a hard road ahead unless he acknowledges that there is a problem that he is willing to get some help for.

Answer 13

Sweetie with drugs and alcohol in your husbands life you will never be able to count on anything with him. It's a horrible world when your love and emotions are lost in someone like this. They give you no options but to drive you half crazy trying to hold on to a relationship with them and... nothing ever turns out good in the long haul trying to keep your sanity. You can care about a person like this but it does not mean that you can go on with them when they will not change their behavior. This is not a good environment for you or your child and no matter what you feel about him you have to walk away. You can never trust an addict to keep you safe and secure in life or ever be right to you when they are not right in themselves. Often we can become as addicted to the relationship as they are to their drugs of choice and that isn't good. Your husband has some very severe issues and you cannot stay with someone that emotionally and physically abuses you. All the love you think you feel for your husband will not not stop him from his behavior unless he wants to and never believe that if he really loved you that would stop because addictions do not work that way in their mind. Your husband needs professional intervention and it has to be something that he truly wants to do for himself and if he does not want it then you have to make the choice to move on without him. He may have lost his sister a year ago but that does not give him the excuse to take it on on you and his child. if he does not get the help that he needs he needs to understand that he will also lose you and his child to because you will not tolerate his miserable world any longer. There is a different life out there and one that could bring you better peace and happiness if only you believe that for yourself. I understand that this man may be your first love but don't ever think that love in this world only ends with him. There are men that would appreciate you and your child with the proper respect that you deserve in your life and never treat you this way. You cannot stick around someone untill they come home to you and give you a life threatening disease because then your child loses you and everyone that truly loves and cares for you will lose you to. It isn't worth it sweetie so do what you know is right for you.

Answer 14

Wow. He "has a drug and alcohol problem where he has hit me a few times". "cant trust him anymore". You (not him) needs to seek some help for yourself so that you can gain your self-esteem and life back. He sounds like a sure loser who has no respect for you.

Answer 15

You have several issues here besides the fact that he allowed someone to perform a sexual act on him.  I'm assuming it was BJ or HJ.  

If you decide to forgive him that's your own decision, just know that forgiving doesn't mean you don't forget.  Trusting him again will take a long time.  

Personally I'd be more worried about the drug and alcohol problem.  

Is he an IV drug user, does he share needles...if so I'd be very worried and suggest that you go get tested.  

I really don't see a question here....I think perhaps he just now told you about it (the cheating) and you are not sure how to handle that...well he can't help you with this one.

Take time to examine the person he is and decide on if you want that to be around your child.  

I suggest you go to AA for families of alcoholics.  

Answer 16

I don't mean to sound rude, but what does his sister have to do with this? You need to get away from him. He's a loser..he's a cheater... You want him hitting your child? Don't be dumb.. save yourself and your baby.

Answer 17

2 words honey ...............  DUMP HIM !!!

there is no excuse for hitting you !

once that has happened its best you just walk away and never look back !  

Answer 18

It's too sad that you have a child with this low-life loser.  That's what he is if he cheated, does drugs, alcoholic and he hit you.  Don't you have the least little respect for yourself?  Obviously not if you're going to settle for this idiot.  You don't love him.  How the h**l can you love someone that treats you like that?

Get rid of him and save your child.  Your child will eventually follow in the father's footsteps if that's how your raising your child.  Have some morals, values, pride and dignity and kick him to the curb!

Answer 19

well..

any man that truly loves you will not feed into temptation of being with another woman.

and I was going to say .if you believe in him and you have a child with him  try to work it out.....but if this man is on drugs??hes hitting you???hes drinking??that is a serious problem you dont need..your child come before that man and that child does not need to see the abuse...if you have a boy he will feel this is the way you treat women..if you have a girl??she will grow up and allow men to abuse her too..she saw mommy do it....get out of the relationship..you deserve respect and he should not be hitting you,. he is the one who shouild be protecting you..its hard when you love someone..alot of women make excuses for these men...there is no excuse for it..and he will not change.its going to get worse and he will think its ok to continue

the abuse because you wont leave him..you could lose your life or your child could get hurt..or taken from you for the protection of that child..thats your child protect it  with everything you have inside of you

I was in a similar situation..I looked at my child and knew the love I had for my child was far more greater than any love I can ever have for a man..and I waited till he went to sleep and left him..you need to feel safe where you live..its your home..no more excuses..get out ..

Answer 20

You don't want to hear this, but you have a 100% loser on your hands and I hate to see a child be brought up in a violent, drug and alcohol environment.  Get out if not for yourself, but for the sake of your child.

Answer 21

I think for the safety of you and your child it would be best if you left this jerk NOW. If you can't support yourself, or don't have family/friends who could help, maybe try going to a shelter or somewhere. Cheating is bad enough, but him being abusive is terrible and you should leave, especially if you have a child, that is not a good environment. Good luck.

Harriet