My partner passed away 2 years ago and my son is still having a hard time?

Question

I have 2 sons my eldest was 6 and my baby was 5 when thier dad passed away. My eldest son is so open with his feelings and tells me everything he is feeling and how much he misses his dad. But my baby is the oppisite . He gets so angery when we talk about thier dad. I have asked him to tell why he is feeling mad , he never wants to talk . i have sort professional help for him but he just wont open up to anybody. I am scared that as he gets older the anger is going to get worse . He is such a lovely boy and I want to help him so much I just dont know how.

It breaks my heart to watch my son try and deal with this himself. It has been 2 years and its not getting any easier

Answer 1

First of all let me say I am sorry for your loss.  I cannot imagine losing my partner,  not to mention watching my children go thru it.  Honestly, I think all 3 of you will benefit from counseling.  My 13 yr old son has been going to therapy for 6 months now, twice a week, to help him deal with his father and I's divorce and also the death (2yrs ago) of my mother.  My mom was his best friend.  After 6 months he is just now starting to open up.  Here's why I think that is...it's a trust issue.  Your son just lost his dad and what kid could ever imagine a parent "leaving" him?  As adults we understand that your partner didn't chose to leave but to a child it seems different.  Stay with the counseling for as long as it takes, it may take a long time for him to open up but at least you are laying the groundwork for him to have a safe palce to talk.  Please consider all of you going, there is no shame in saying you are overwhelmed and need some help.  Good luck and I will say a prayer for you and your little ones.

Answer 2

I am so sorry. I would absolutely look for professional help. There are many different kinds of therapy and some are right for kids and some are helpful for some kids and not others. I'm not saying your child "needs help" but I am saying he deserves to get it (which it sounds like you certainly understand) and there are people out there who can help. It may take work to find the right person and the right kind of help but, please don't give up. A good therapist will work with you and your child, not just with your child. There are plenty of ok therapists out there (and some useless or bad ones as well) and then there are some truly excellent ones who can make a huge difference in your and your child's life. Keep looking until you find someone that YOU really click with and work together with her/him to get what your son needs. Don't settle for someone who is just ok. You will be able to tell the difference. In reading your story, it also occurred to me that your younger son may just not remember that much (perhaps not much at all) about his dad and this in itself could be really upsetting for him. He may feel wrong or guilty that he doesn't remember or just uncomfortable in that he feels he "should" remember when he doesn't. He may find it less painful to not remember but also wish he could. It may just be too difficult for him to talk and trying to may only make it worse. A good therapist will know how to work with you and him. Look for someone who knows how important it is to work with you, and not just with him. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. He may also be really jealous of his brother, feeling that he gets to have memories.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear that.Your situatuion breaks my heart.I don't know what to say,only to hope for happiness and peace of mind for you and your boys.Goodluck.

Answer 4

maybe he is angry cause he does not remember his father like you guys do.. him being 5, the older he gets maybe his memior of him fades..