My poem, "Echo", revised?

Question

Original: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aum_u71l8fUFPyYjRctRmrHsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080630164136AAllJHW

Revised:

Call out, and I’ll call back to you.

Each word whispered softly.

Use your voice,

And a distant sound responds.

I am never welcomed

By those sneaking in the night.

I am an uninvited guest

Barging into an anguished mind.

I live within one’s heart,

Soaring through their emptiness.

I bound from wall to wall,

Then fade into nothingness

Invisible,

Unable to say things of my own,

Unable to speak.

In the shadows,

In the light.

I am no one,

Yet here I am,

Hiding.

Without you, I cannot be.

Which do you like better? Anything else I should do or change?

Want to read my other poem?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aum_u71l8fUFPyYjRctRmrHsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080630202007AAQuxF9

Answer 1

wow I really like that...if you have anymore can you

E-mail them to me at [e-mail]

                                   Thanks

Answer 2

it is good

Answer 3

lovely poem..

Answer 4

good.  you understood exactly what I was trying to say.  much better

Answer 5

Your poem is great! You have a true gift for writing poetry.

Answer 6

This is confusing but very good.

Answer 7

End the poem at "nothingness."  The rest is redundant. Give the poem a title, such as "Without You." You have amazing talent.

Answer 8

Beautiful poem

Answer 9

I like this. Very mysterious.

Answer 10

I really like it ( :

Answer 11

very cool i loved it!

Answer 12

this is nice... add some harmony and make a song

Answer 13

that was a pretty good poem =)