My poem.....Please give your opinions!?

Question

My day of Damnation

Remember when we were kids?

We used to play dare,

Are you still chicken?

Can you do what i do?

I knew what was coming,

but couldn't utter a sound,

he grabbed my nephews neck,

and gave it two quick jerks.

I knew it was wrong,

It went against all I believed,

But revenge had consumed me,

I wanted him to feel pain.

Dare accepted, I say,

I pull back his sons shirt,

the neck was too impersonal,

I drive the knife through his heart.

I've abandoned my morals,

sunk down to his level,

Who I was is no more,

A monster is born.

-Kara-

Answer 1

Lord, this is just plain "awful" in its description of children and the horror they are capable of.  I dearly hope this is a concoction from something you heard of schemed up.

The writing itself is flawless in its ability to transport and pull you in, even though you really don't want to go, like driving by an accident you try not to look but you do anyway.  

It is truly compelling.

But no less agregious in the picture it paints!

Answer 2

Not sure what to think of it, doesnt sound like much of a poem--almost a really twisted jacked up story. I like dark stuff but murder in a poem? I dunno

Answer 3

its prettyyy good!!! how about mineeeee?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 4

I'm not clear on how many characters we have here. Are there two or three? Who's speaking in the first verse? Why was the main speaker so consumed by wanting revenge? Seems kind of unmotivated, if the speaker is just acting on a dare and throws all morals to the wind. It's powerful writing, but I need a little more suggestion of the overall story before I can quit asking questions and just be moved/horrified like the writer wants. Thanks for sharing this -- and I also hope it's just the product of a vivid imagination! Good luck.

Answer 5

that was....disturbing......check my poems out...

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...