My poem about an old bf...... your comments?

Question

we had a really bad ending.. anyways, read this and comment? thanks!

-A Change in Me-

There’s been a shift

A change of me

You were swift

And I didn’t see

But now I write

From a new point of view

It’s still not alright

What you put me through

But I’ve grown a bit

I’m sure you have as well

And I have to admit

We both sorta fell

I’m different now

And have really moved on

Though I don’t know how

We both had withdrawn

I can now look back

And still get a smile

Forget the attack

And remember the worthwhile

Remember swinging

Together outside

Remember singing

And remember, we tried

Our story ended

We weren’t meant together

Our break, far from “splendid”

We had some bad weather

I know I’ve learned a lot

About myself, my life, the world

I think we forgot

And we sorta got twirled

Either way, I know

This wasn’t a waste

I really did grow

And now have been placed

Thank you for the days

We spent happily back then

Thank you for that phase

And thank you again

Answer 1

it was long.it was OK. but not all that. lackluster.

Answer 2

why do woman write us poetry when we break up? honestly within a few days of breaking up with a girl we're already with another. you poetry will only interfere with our new relationship/booty call.

Answer 3

You have a complete poem without the additional comment ending.  The line "And thank you again" can be the end.  For 14 - you are doing an exceptional job.  You explain the emotions and feelings quite well and your meter is sound. Keep up the good work ♥

Answer 4

i like it. the same thing happened with me. i broke up. but i learnt something from him. he was a significant phase of my life but as you both did we moved on.

thank.....this poem has inspired me to thank my ex-bf.

same pinch.....i am to 14...........but i never dated

Answer 5

it's a really nice poem.. but some lines don't really flow... i don't know.. lol.. umm.. why don't you read it aloud to yourself and listen closely to the rhythm.. then you can decide for yourself if it sounds good to you..

it's just my opinion by the way.. i like it :) and i can sort of relate a bit to it.. so keep up the good work!

Answer 6

About the 4 lines were good. Didn't catch my attention too much.

Answer 7

You have a very good sense of rhyme.  Judging by the content of the poem, I find it hard to believe you're only 14, because most adults couldn't put something this good together.  Not that a poem has to rhyme, but you certainly have mastered that aspect of poetry.  Congratulations.

Answer 8

I think it needs a little more rhythm. Try to make the lines similar in length, and don't say words like "sorta". Overall, it's not bad.

Answer 9

You illustrate nicely the differences between boys and girls, men and women.  You are right, nothing is wasted. A very interesting poem.