My poem good or bad????

Question

Inside, she’s breaking

But no one can see past that smile she’s faking

Inside, she’s falling

But no one can hear her silent calling

Inside, she’s torn apart

But no one knows what’s in her true heart

Inside, she’s dying

But no one can see her crying

Inside, she wants to scream

But no one understands that things really aren’t what they seem

Inside, she knows no hope

But no one really tries to help her cope

Inside, she says goodbye

But no one expected her to commit suicide

Answer 1

not bad tho cud be more deep and poetic  

Answer 2

It's good. I think the series of rhymed couplets and repeating the word "inside" give it a sort of driving urgency. I think it could be improved by controlling the number of syllables in each line. For me, the best stanza is "Inside she's falling / But no one can hear her silent calling", five syllables in the first line and 10 syllables in the second with stress on 3 and 5. It's pretty symmetrical.

Some of it is a bit cliche...breaking/faking, dying/crying. You may need to find your own, more original voice. Stanzas six is a little too "theoretical" I think you want to smash your reader in the face with some visceral imagery that reflects your pain and speaks to his/her senses. Hoping and coping are a little, well ...boring.

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

its good

a little emo

but pretty good

it kinda sounds familiar

is some of those lines out of a song?

Answer 4

It's very good. Keep it up.

Answer 5

it's pretty depressing. If it's true then maybe you can get out a bit more. Talk to someone.

Is it true?

Answer 6

nice!