My poem is called Careless Emotions, Tell me what you think?

Question

I stood offering compaction

spoke with a voice

concealed in devotion

Lured by the

illusions of beauty

and tricked by

the unspoken words

of reality

Careless of ones emotions

I soon came to realize

the eyes starring back

is tainted with

lies and deception

Awaken again

To find

sorrow and pain

Beside me ones again

Answer 1

This is bloody fantastic! You have a rare talent. Oh my, this is just so evocative!

Answer 2

that is really good...I love writing poetry, but I can't write it like that!

Answer 3

it's good, aside from a few spelling and/or grammar errors:

1. compaction (I think you mean compassion)

2. the eyes starring back is tainted (starring to staring, is to are or were)

3. beside me ones again (change ones to once)

Answer 4

I really like the idea but honestly I really don't feel like the rhythm is there. It feels like a bunch of feellings trying to be made into something but I don't think you fully succeeded with this one. But, I would love to read more of your writing becuz I know you have great potential.

Answer 5

it is good, like every one else here. . .

i am sorry but nothing so special here!!

Answer 6

It's very good! Just a few grammar errors.

the eyes starring back

is tainted with (it should be ARE tainted with)

And i think you mean ONCE in the last line, note ones.

=]

Answer 7

beautiful

i wont say anything about the grammar errors becuz i think somebody else already said that but other than that it's a very beautiful peace of work. I can almost feel the pain you had to deal with to get that kind of work.

Answer 8

Deep, interesting, good rhythm.