My "Step Son" hates me... please help.?

Question

My husband and I have been together for over two years now and he has a 6 year old son, Gideon. I know that Gideon is still hurting from his parents splitting up and from the beginning I told him that I would never take place of his mother or ever try... I would only be his friend as long as he wanted me to be. I told him that I love his daddy and I will love Gideon no matter what happens. But every day he tells me, "I don't love you", "I wish you and Dad would break up", "I don't you to be part of my family." I've let it slide off my back because I know he doesn't mean it but today it got to me... he just kept on. We play all the time, we talk and have secrets, he always comes and finds me so I can spend time with him. So why is he so mean to me? I've told him that it hurts my feelings, today it made me cry. But he doesn't seem to care. His real mother has a b/f that she's only been with for about 3 months and he doesn't care about that! He said he just doesn't want me. How do we deal

Answer 1

He might really like you better than the b/f.  The b/f isn't in his heart but if he is seeking you to spend time with him and tell secrets then he likes your company.  He is probably just scared to trust you completely and he might not know yet if he can like you and his mom and it won't be a betrayal to either of you.  I would say just stay calm.  He is thinking from a brain that has only been on earth for 6 years and he has had to sort through a lot of complicated adult relationships.  Just show him you love him unconditionally and will always be there, he will trust you more and appreciate your patience.

Answer 2

OH GROW UP !! GIVE HIM SPACE!! WHY WOULD YOU TELL A 6 YEAR OLD BOY'' WAH'' WAH ''YOU HURT MY FEELINGS!! HE DOES MEAN IT. HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU. BACK OFF!! POOR KID! PUNCHING BAG?? YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BE A REAL WOMEN. YOU ARE A FAKE CRY BABY!

Answer 3

What's going on in a 6 year old's mind is a mystery.

I would suggest trying to spend a little more time with him, let him know you care. Don't spoil him but take him out, like for ice cream. Try avoiding talks about all the family problems but do discuss his own problems, ask about his friends, plans for vacations and so on. Once again him that you are not trying to be his new mother, that you just want to be friends.

He doesn't know how to react and what to do. He may just be a little frightened to fully trust someone, but be patient.

Hope that helps ;)

Answer 4

you and your husband need to sit him down and ask why he feels that way.  Get to the bottom of it.  and a family counselor may not be a bad idea.

Answer 5

Bring him somewhere to have fun, ask him what he wants to do, although he is saying that stuff, i bet if you would leave he would miss you.

Answer 6

Kids that age don't know what to do with the power that they have to hurt someone.  They don't know how to control it.  Sometimes they don't even know that they have it.

Someone needs to teach this to him.  I think a great person to do that would be you and his dad.  

You should not just let this slide off of your back.  If you don't tell him that it hurts, he does not know that it does.  

So, tell him.  You don't have to punish him in order to teach him.  You don't even have to tell him that he can't vent or express his feelings if they are true.  But, he needs help identifying what he's feeling & expressing it in a respectful & effective way.  

Next time it starts, stop him.  Say, "Is that true?  Because if it is, that really hurts my feelings.  Also, I don't understand it, because we always have so much fun together."  This conversation is between the two of you.  Working your relationship out, honestly & gently.  Ask him what he's really feeling when he says those things.  Then, help him find words to say what's real.  

Dad needs to step in when he hears this, too.  He needs to say "Honey, I love you.  But, I love <stepmom>, too.  And, when you say mean things to her, I feel sad, just like I would if she said mean things to you."  And, again, ask him what he's really feeling when he says those things & help him to find ways to express the real feelings in a respectful & honest manner.

I struggled with my relationship with my stepdaughter at about the same age.  She's 16 now - just texted me 'Hugs!' a few minutes ago.  There is hope.  Treat your stepson with respect as a human being, but don't be afraid to teach him as an adult who loves him (and his dad) should.

Answer 7

it took me six very long years before my step sons finally accepted me.  initially i withdrew which was hard on a new marriage.  that also divided the family into mine and his.  it took alot of work and consitancey to get where we are today.  my last straw was doing something with the oldest one (that i hated) but he enjoyed.  it broke down the walls and gave us something to build from.  my best advice is hold on and keep your faith

Answer 8

i would say give it time but its been 2 years i say try asking him y hes acting like this or he has another prob n he sees u as a person to yell at 4 even tho u have nothing 2 do wit it well idk im still a kid myself

Answer 9

Are you sure the mother isn't putting any of this stuff into his head.  Kids don't just say stuff like that.  Because if he likes you and plays with you and you guys have secrets, then he obviously likes you.  It has to be the Mom, if I were you I would have your husband talk to his ex about the stuff the kid is saying.  I would bet you money that it is her putting stuff in his head, he is too small to be so persistant.

Answer 10

You are so immature.

Answer 11

Sounds like to me he is trying to hurt you in fear that  if he lets you in you might not always be there.Maybe also he is looking for a way to vent out the anger that he has from his mom and dad's divorce or maybe even his moms new relationship with her bf. Maybe he doesn't feel as close to his mom because of her relationship with the bf and doesnt want to mention it to her in fear she won't do anything about it anyway.Remember boys have a good way of hiding their real feelings and keeping things tucked inside.Whatever the issue,it also sounds like he needs more one on one time with his dad.The dad should be concerned over his feelings. Also you should try not to argue in front of him because he will get discouraged of the relationship you all are trying to build and make him a part of and this will make him care less about establishing any new relationship with you.Just keep being the nice person you are and treat him as if he were yours regardless of how much he pushes you away.Eventually he will realize your worth.Good Luck.

Answer 12

ok once the kid has spent time with  you he will feel guilty  about spending time with you and resulting in him turning on yuo

my advise is be nice dont let his comments hurt you (BTW this is very commen in young kids, they will get better when they get older)

good luck