My "best friend" expects to be my maid of honor, but I am not sure that I want her to be. What do I do?

Question

My friend and I have been "best friends" for 5 years. She and I have had differences, (some serious ones) but have worked through them. Regardless, I don't feel like our friendship is as strong as it used to be.

In the meantime, I have developed a new friendship, which I cherish very much. She and I seem to have much more in common, and currently spend a lot of time together. I am very seriously considering asking her to be my maid of honor.

I would like "friend 2" to be my MOH, but I still want "friend 1" to be a bridesmaid.

I don't know how to ask "friend 1" to be a bridesmaid, and let her down that she won't be MOH. I worry if she would stand in the wedding at all... I worry that if she accepts bridesmaid there will still be "unspoken" issues and resentment. I want a dram-free wedding. I know "friend 1" assumes she will be MOH.

Side Note-Friend 1 got married in a court house w/o telling me, while we were planning her wedding. I found out through the newspaper.

What should I do?

Answer 1

You could have Honored Maidens, basically you are just calling all your bridesmaids the same thing. "Friends Two" could still technically be the M.O.H but to keep the stress and friendship safe with "Friend 1" call them all the same things.

Just a suggestions.

Answer 2

well you can have 2 maids of honor.. but it sounds like u really want friend 2 so go w friend 2..

Answer 3

You know something? I kinda had something happen to me like that too! I had been planning on getting married for about 6 months, and my roommate that has been my best friend for years, went and got married to someone i didnt trust, and thru court. I found out when i found her marriage license in my closet. :-( It hurt me so much. Then lied about it when i confronted her. But anyway, i had a friend who had been my best friend from middle school on up. And, to break it to my roomy that she wasnt being my MOH then i said she was going to be because it meant a lot to her. Which it did. But anyway, she was all about letting the other chick be the MOH because she thought it would mean more to her.

Answer 4

It is the most important day of your life. Why would you have someone other than whom you want to be maid of honor. Do you think they care? If she got married without telling you do you really think she cared about your feelings?

Of course there will be unspoken issues with people like that . They are drama queens and you are playing into their theatre. Concentrate on your fiance only. Do not care about anyone else and do not share details with anyone else.

Answer 5

have friend 2 be your MOH...if friend 1 can't even let you know she was getting married she doesn't deserve any part of your wedding

Answer 6

if friend number one iss ur friend u shood be her moh and u can have 2 mohs at ur wedding if u have 2 BUT this is your wedding and u want ur edding 2 b perfect so do wat u want and wat u think will work put the best

Answer 7

You simply ask and don't leave it up for discussion. Ask friend 2 to be your MOH - she will likely accept and be very happy to do it. Ask friend 1 to be a bridesmaid - she will likely accept and might be a little miffed at first about not being your MOH, but will get over it. Don't explain why she isn't your MOH - don't even make it an issue. Just ask her to be a bridesmaid. If she is really your friend, she will be happy that she can be there with you on your wedding day, regardless of the role she plays.

Answer 8

Go with who you trust and feel comfortable with. You need to feel assured that you MOH will be the best one possible for you and be there for you during all of the trials and tribulations of the pre-wedding festivities. They can't accept (or be invited) to participate out of felling of guilt or animosity. And besides...the "original" friend didn't even have the courtsey to tell you she was getting married or give you the opprotunity to support her at her wedding. needless to say, weddings are costly...cashwise and emotions. Don't spend either on items or people that don't make you happy.