My relationship with my fiance is in trouble.?

Question

Well we and my fiance have been together for a year and a half now. We were happy for so long, we never had a serious argument or fight and spent every second we could together. I decided to move out recently and she was planning to move out with me, I told her she didnt have to if she was not ready to be on her own yet becuase she is still paying for a car but she wanted to anyways. I decided i knew she was the one i wanted to spend my life with and proposed to her. SHe accepted and we continued to be super happy. Recently she told me she feels like she is missing out on a part of life she is going to regret later. She said she wanted to experience single life and try to work some things out with her family like forgive her abusive step dad that is a good dad to her sister and brother now (she lives with her mom and her fiance right now) and meet her real dad. she also said she wanted to go out with friends and not have to worry about guys hitting on her and me getting angry at them. She wanted to be seperated for a while so she could do these things. We decided we were going to break up for a while which was extremly hard on both of us (neither of us ever cry and we did so for hours). We hung out a few days later trying to be friends but it didnt work... one thing led to another and things were back to the way they used to be. Right now she doesnt know what she wants to do. Its either one or the other, completly break up or continue being together. Im so confused because she shouldnt want to be with other guys if she already knows she wants to spend her life with me right? (she says she still does and she wants to get back together later). Shes attracts guys like a bug zapper attracts flies, im the electricity that fends the flies off... (lol well i thought it was clever). Im not over protective but i need to be a little protective when guys are always hitting on her (she tells them to get away most of the time too). But anyways right now i guess shes deciding what she wants to do. I love her very much and want to spend my life with her and im pretty sure she does too. I just dont know if once we break up if i will be able to feel the same way about her again knowing she "loves me" but still had the urge to be with other guys (she has never directly said this but i have reason to beleive it would happen). Im also scared of what might happen to her when she is away so it feels like i have no choice but to completly let her go if it comes to it. i really dont know what to do right now... Advice?

Answer 1

She certainly sounds confused. I think you have no choice but to give her some space. I would rather let her go now than after being in the relationship even longer. You, know what they say, it goes something like this, if you love her, set her free, if she comes back, it's meant to be. If she truly loves you it won't take her too long to come back, because she will miss you. I also think she has some serious issues affecting her from her upbringing. You sound like a great guy, and maybe you both could get some professional counselling together to help her indecisiveness. Good luck.

Answer 2

Telling her that it's okay to take a break so she can be "single" again, and then come back until she has her fill, isn't fitting for a healthy relationship.  You were right when you said that it either has to be one or the other.  She can't have her cake and eat it, too!  I'm thinking that although she loves you, she's conflicted because she knows she's hot to trot, and she likes the attention of all the men hitting on her.  She loves you, but she lusts for them.  Human nature, but not cool to want to act on it.  If she wants to spend the rest of her life with you, she needs to act like it.  If she wants her freedom so bad, I wouldn't want to be with her after she is "free" with how many other guys until she decides she's had her fill.  My advice is to tell her to choose.  Either she loves you and wants to be with you, or she wants the single life.

Now the stuff about her family is a different story.  I don't know why she WOULDN'T want a support system (you) wen she goes through all of that emotional stress.  It just doesn't make sense, does it?

Answer 3

This kind if sounds like me and my boyfriend. I would just say let he go, if you love her. I know its hard but everything happens for a reason and if its meant to be it will regardless of how you feel knowing that she had the urge to be with other guys. I have been in your shoes except my bf bluntly told me he couldn't be faithful and he wanted to do him. I gave him space and he came back. Just look at it like this, its her lost and if your intuition is right Karma comes back 10 fold. Good Luck!

Answer 4

It never works to "just be friends" so I suggest to give a break and just walk away. Make it clear that  you love her but that it would be best to not talk to each other for at least 1 year. If you or her feel the same way in one year and are neither of you are dating anyone else then try one date again to see if you and her still have the same feelings for each other. I was engaged once in my younger days and felt the same way, i felt i was too young to be getting married after some time and wasn't sure if he was right for me. We broke up, and decided to not speak to each other. Granted he tried to contact me a few times but I just ignored his calls and emails. Several years later we caught up again. I was dating someone else at the time, and he had just recently gotten married. It didn't work out for us to be together, he was my frist love, but after the time apart i found more about myself and knew he wouldn't have been a good fit for me forever.  We are now just friends and everytime i speak to him I see things in his personaltiy that i didn't see 10 years ago, and i'm so greatful I took the break I needed. It worked out for both of us in the end. Short terms is hard, but long term you'll be fine. I've had a co-worker in a same situation and several years later they dated again and got marreied so it can work either way but the key is to give at least 1 year of space.

Answer 5

Oh! This is just what me an my semi-ex had to go through. We dated for 4 years and have been broken up for about 2 now, but we still talk to each other everyday and we have limits and boundaries when it comes to us dating other people. So pretty much we're a couple but not really because we're long distance and gearing up for the long haul. Basically, if you love her as much as  you say you do, then you have to make sure that she gives you the love back you deserve. There is nothing worse in a relationship than giving more than you get, it's going to wear you out, and if she has doubt, and you are sure, then that will create a lot of problems. Things were prob. good a couple of days later because you guys are familiar with eachother so being together will always be comforting to the both of you.

What you need to do is to truly give her her space and let her do her thing. That's what she wants, and believe it or not it's whats best for the two of you. You don't want to invest more time and love into a relationship that isn't stable, you want to make sure that this girl is the one for you and that you're the one for her. As much as it hurts, if she saw you cry for hours and still decided she wants to go out and see other people, you have to let go of her. I personally found out when I was away from him, that the guys i thought I wanted, were not what I really wanted at all, and he was the one for me. It could happen with her, or it could not. But you just hang in there and take things one day at a time.

Answer 6

My advice is for you to let her go. I know its going to be hard but really she is not ready to have a husband. Even though she thinks she is. You will have more opportunities in your life. Be patient. She is not the right women for you. Trust me.