My sensitive sister in law constantly complains! ?

Question

She's either blaming her husband, her mom, or others for her unhappiness. She is pregnant with her third child and is whining all the time about how her mom doesn't help enough, her husband never gets a sitter and wants dates and not having time for herself. Reality is she is relying on everyone else to create her happiness and is basically playing victim in her own life. By the way, she says she hates getting advice and people who try to be positive. She said she just needs someone to listen to her venting.

I am also a mother but I have a husband who travels 3 days/week, no family here and I've learned that you can't be a spectator in your own life, you have to get in the game and make choices to create the life you want. And mostly a positive outlook will get you very far! I've never been happier. I'm having a hard time being a listener for her anymore and I can't take the whining. What words can i use to set this boundary? Help!

Answer 1

I have the perfect words for her. Tell her to shut up. She is a grown woman, not a child. She needs to grow up and stop acting like a two year old. She wouldn't even call me no more after I tell her what I got to say.

Answer 2

Get her a journal and tell her to use it to vent.  Tell her if she ever wants positive advice she can start talking to you again.

Answer 3

Dear Sister/Friend:

You have the foundation and handle on the problems that surround your sister-n-law.  Isn't it funny how people want other people to 'co-sign' all of their dysfunction and b.s.?  Don't tolerate this infantile behavior--life is about choices and noone has the right to continuously 'dump' on you.  

I would have a heart to heart with her and I would speak 'woman to woman' with her and advise her that her whining may be what pushes those closest to her away and in order to be happy, one must be cognizant that it must be given in order to be received.

Life is short.  When you see her coming--RUN!

Answer 4

I have a best friend who is exactly like this and I get soooo sick of it. Finally I emailed her and told her sometimes I call to just talk, not to get dumped on with all your complaints, half of which are not that big of a deal honestly and pointed out why. And that I just cant take it anymore. We had gone out to dinner a few nights prior to this and I let her vent for the whole night. Then she proceeded with the same exact c**p two days later. I cannot take it, I feel she sucks the life out of me sometimes, so I told her as nicely as I could but I did not sugar coat it either. I told her up front what she has to be grateful for and she needs to start looking at the positives in her life. She apoligzed but three days later did the same thing. I just say "I need to go do___" and get off the phone. People like this will never change until they decide to take hold of their life. There is a difference in venting occasionaly and completely dominating every conversation and leaving out the "how are you" and actually listening. Good luck. I just get off the phone every time she starts even if I have to cut her off mid sentence. You have kids just say "the kids are into something". I think you should talk or write to her first before you do this. I had done that and she chose not to listen for longer than 3 days so if she ask why I always get off the phone I will be honest and say "because all you ever do is complain" and go from there.