My s*x drive has vanished. We might split up.?

Question

I dont want s*x with my long term boyfriend anymore and its at make or break stage. We do have s*x but i never come onto him we only have it if he comes onto me - and sometimes i say im to tired or will purposly stay up late so he's too tired too or il rread a book in bed etc..

When we first got together i always wanted s*x with him and he actually thought i was a s*x addict. We even argued about how much i wanted s*x but now a few years later its all changed.

I love my boyfriend and dont want to lose him but if things dont change on my part we'r going to end up splitting up.

It makes me wonder if im actually "in" love with him. Why else would i not ever feel like s*x? The thought of splitting up makes me sad though.

What is wrong with me? I dont m********e anymore either so its not like its just him.

Only serious answers only please otherwise i will block you.

Answer 1

Maybe you should check with your doctor, I hear people on here talking about things like this happening all the time, it could be a medical issue. Also now that's it's become such an issue stress could be the culprit as well.  

Answer 2

You can try an herb called "Horny Goat Weed".

Google it.....

Answer 3

Hello. Like anything in a relationship 's*x' should be a part that you both work on. Why don't you pop along to the doctors just to make sure there's nothing medical going on.  Are you stressed at work, home etc?  I like you was in a relationship some time ago and at the beginning I couldn't get enough. Then I found my s*x drive deminishing. This coincided with going on the pill, so I came off that. But although it improved again, it diminished again. We did split up as I realised that the problem was actually that the spontoneity and experimentation had gone out of our relationship. He was just happy to do what he'd been doing all along, which still had the same impact, but its like a reading a good book. You can read it again and still enjoy it but don't get the same buzz you once did.

Its good you still love him and don't want to loose him. Try and work out what you both want. At this stage if you're not honest with each other it'll only cause more barriers which will affect your 'drive'.

Also one final part, sometimes it just takes getting back into the flow of things to re-ignite your internal flames of passion. Get back on and see if that helps.

Answer 4

Love doesn't mean that s*x has to be all day every day. You're basing how you feel about him on getting laid. s*x certainly is an extension of love and let's face it, it's the closest you can get to someone and nothing can be more intimate than that.

So, you haven't tossed s*x aside completely. it's just that as you mature in your relationship you find that it's done more for intimacy and affection then say getting your rocks off and just to feel good. Although sometimes the 'feel good' aspect of it is necessary. We all enjoy the occasional coming through the door, grabbing you, pulling at one anothers clothes and maybe not even making it to the bedroom scenario too.

So don't cast the relationship aside just yet. See how things level out. Good luck.

Answer 5

What about your fantasy life? Have you lost that as well? Are attracted to anyone? If not then I suspect a medical issue. Lots of things can kill your libido. Stress,depression and grief are just a few.

Answer 6

Loss of libido can have a multitude of causes. You may not be in love, though I doubt that if he's a long term lover. Maybe you are bored with s*x and maybe you have burned out after a hectic start. Your situation is not uncommon and may need a chemical remedy. There is a female version of viagra. If you are still making love, but only when he instigates it, this demonstrates you are physically capable of having s*x. Check out Relate in your area and consider counselling if you want to stay together. Is there a reason you have never married? Do you or your partner have commitment issues? Any kids involved? Are you too tired at the end of the day? How about a mini break or a holiday on your own. What about the s**y gear and making yourself feel s**y? Sussies and stockings can work as well for you as for him! Guys love it. Is either of you over/ under weight? You need to have a chat at some point if you want to save this relationship. Good luck.

Che sara sara.  ;-)

Answer 7

i was like that and come to find out i had low thyroid.. i'd gained some weight and was cold all the time too..

low s*x drive is one of the main symptoms of low thyroid.. your dr. can do a simple blood test to see if that's what it is..

also, it is totally normal to 'fall in and out of love' in a long term relationship.. i mean you always love but the lust type attraction comes and goes..

do your best to let your bf know you desire him, fake it for a while if you need to, in the end it will all be ok.

Answer 8

there are a myriad of possibilities here. from relationship issues ( you don't fancy him-he just uses you for s*x -etc etc. through to hormone and stress problems which you may not even be aware of. do you have children for example? this is really an area where you need to have a chat to your doctor in first instance and have a check up at same time.

  if you both went on holiday would you feel sexier? etc it may simply be you are changing your outlook and expectations and he wants to keep it as it was? very hard to offer any constructive advise  at moment, do have a chat etc with doctor then take it from there. good luck ( who knows  may be a simple hormone problem)

Answer 9

Basically, he values s*x more than he values you, he cares more about himself having an o****m than he does about being with you, do you really want to be around someone like that??

Leave him, he sounds selfish and immature.  

Answer 10

i have the same problem with my bf of 2 and a half years he doesnt want s*x,s*x isnt everythin but yeah i do get upset sometimes as i blame myself and wonder if its me so u do need 2 talk to him.i leave it to him when he wants s*x now andif i leave it long enough he soon comes back lol  

Answer 11

In my case it was STRESS, I wont elaborate , everyone else has said it already, I also agree with corrn4, the spontaneous acts and getting into the same ole routine is a bit boring, I need something different sometimes, not same old approach