My sister's therapy is ruining our relationship!

Question

She is only 2 months younger than me. (half-sister, same father) We grew up together and we were always very close. When we were 12 or 13, I can't remember exactly, she got freaked out about not knowing how to kiss. Silly, I know, but it was a huge problem for her. She suggested we try on each other. And we did. It was more of a practice, clumsy really. We've only done it for that one period (maybe a few weeks)

I've never thought much of it and neither has she. (or at least she's never mentioned it to me)

Now she is going through this therapy because of our childhood (mainly because our father was a s****t) but this came up during her therapy and her therapist said I took advantage of her. She came to me with this whole list of things I did to her, like how I used her to get through to my father (which is true, because it was obvious that he liked my sister more and I thought we were acting as a team when she would pretend she wanted something I wanted, or when she ''saved'' me from his punishments, etc.)

Her therapist told her that I have a hidden sexual interest in her which is why I stayed so close to her all my life. I reminded her that kissing was her idea, but she won't have it.

She refuses to talk to me. She says I ruined her life.

Seriosly, can therapists actually s***w up their patients this much? My sister is a completely different person now.

I made an appointment with the same therapist - just to explain, I wanted us to do sessions together - but her therapist says it isn't healthy and that I have to live with what I have done to my sister.

But I haven't done anything!!!

What should I do?

Answer 1

All therapists are not equal.  

You might want to think about seeing one of your own.  You grew up in the same home.  Whether you have issues from that or not, you do have a real challenge in dealing with no real explanation or opportunity to talk.  It may be that your sister is redirecting her anger at you because you are safer than the source of her real anger.  It may be because she has legitimate reasons to be angry at you.  Idk.  Maybe you don't either.  Sometimes kids take on traits of their parents.  Not saying you have, but that you sound like you are in a tough situation and are better off talking it thru with an *experienced* therapist that you can respect and trust.  Interview!  Really, the quality is not all the same.

As for your sister's therapist, you can try to file a complaint, but I'm not sure you'd get too far.  It's hard to prove anything when you say one thing and your sister says another.  The therapist is your sister's advocate, so if he is to "take sides" it'd be hers.  Sorry.

Answer 2

File a complaint on this therapist with the state board.  Too many therapist develop the attitude that a person is only a sum of their past experience.  The goal of therapy is to accept past experiences, heal and move on with your life in a positive direction.  The therapeutic relationship that exists is not a healthy one and is requiring your sister to express anger inappropriately instead of understanding the issues and moving on.  Don't threaten first.  File the complaint.  A therapist is suppose to always be neutral.