My sister-in-law is a doula, should I be nervous about asking her to attend my birth?

Question

I am 38 weeks pregnant and am starting to wonder if it would be a good idea to ask her to attend my birth. But the hitch for me is my shyness, and having to be that intimately acquainted with my brother's wife. Does that make sense? I am planning a natural birth and am prepared, I think, but what if I need help and regret not asking her to attend?

My main concern is future awkwardness if she does attend. Am I just being overly hormonal and petty about the entire situation? I should mention that this is my first child and my husband fully supports me either way, but he's really scared to be alone in the delivery room, I think--even though he won't come out and admit it.

Answer 1

Once your in full labor you will not be thinking about everybody in the room lol, all i thought about was get it out of me. If you know your husband is scared and you believe him having his sister there might help i dont see where that would be a problem. You could ask her to stand up near your head of the bed that way she doesnt see your private area if that is what your worried about. They can see the baby after it comes out. Good Luck

Answer 2

I wouldn't be...You've seen one v****a, you've seen them all...You heard one laboring woman scream and you've heard them all...It's all natural, nothing to be shy about or embarrassed of...Seems it would be a great support for yourself and husband..And a memory for the soon to be Aunt that will make her feel extra special!!!  

Answer 3

I am all for doulas and everything, but if you are not going to feel comfortable with her in there then I would not have her in there.  If you are very shy (I don't blame you nobody should get to know someone that well if they just aren't close) and feel it WILL be awkward then chances are, it will be.  Last thing you need is to be in pain, and uncomfortable, tired, extremely irritable, and then feeling like it is awkward in the room.  I know people will say when you are in labor and in so much pain, you wont care, but you might.  I did and I was so glad  Ididn't have anyone else in the room besides hubby because I wantedto be able to do what I needed to do without wondering who is looking down there or I don't want to yell in front of them and things like that.  You don't want to invite her to be there andthen kick her out.  I would ask her to be near the hospital or even wait in the waiting room and see if you may change your mind during labor.  Who knows you may say s***w it and all your shyness goes away.  Just keep her close by, her being a doula, I'm sure she wouldn't mind.

Answer 4

I am also a shy person, but let me tell you - when you start the delivery process your shyness will disappear, you will not care about any of that.  After giving birth all your Modesty goes away.  I think it would be great to have her in there to support both you and your husband.

Answer 5

I think that is a great idea!! And don't worry about it being awkward--being a doula is her job--when she is in there with you, it's not as your sister-in-law but as a person who is trained to help you bring your beautiful baby into the world. Plus it will probably be very soothing for you to have someone that you know and trust in there helping you rather than some complete stranger that you are just "another delivery" too. Your sister-in-law is your baby's aunt and that really is such a special thing for her to help you with. And it sounds like it will really help your husband to have someone he really trusts in there to help him help you! Ultimately, it's completely your decision but I think it's a great idea! Good luck and congrats on your sweet baby in a few weeks!

Answer 6

I think its a good idea.  

What happens in a delivery room doulas and friends and family member don't come out and talk about your body or anything.  Its like that old saying, "Once you have seen one you have seen them all."

Good luck and congrats!

Answer 7

please remember that a doula is there purely for the womans benefit and to provide some support to her partner and has no link to a midwives/doctors role whatsoever, although they can be the mediator if you feel you can't communicate with the midwife yourself. they help with breathing and relaxation techniques, and it is believed having a doula leads to less need for medicinal pain relief and cesarean section. there is no reason why she should have to be 'down there', although you wouldn't care if an entire football team watched when you come to it! sometimes having a woman who has been through labour and birth herself can really help keep you calm, and if your partner is likely to not be very helpful, due to queasiness or whatever reason then i'd say go for it. it will probably bring you even closer and remember, she will have done it loads of times with other women and will probably feel honoured to attend the birth of her niece or nephew. i'm sure she will probably keep her books pretty empty when you are due anyway just in case you ask her to attend and may even be expecting you to ask. you could always wait and see how you cope in early labour and then go from there. best of luck either way.

Answer 8

Fabulous idea!

I def. would ask her, you will need all the support you can get during a natural L&D!

Doula's are a godsend!

Answer 9

I am a doula and have attended many many births and you would be doing yourself the dis-service if you dont have your sister in law help out she is trained in making this the best birth you could ever want.  and to listen to you to your wants and needs.  it will probably make you much closer sisters in law you will be more like true sisters and that is great for you and your baby.

good luck to you