My sister is 40 and wants to adopt. What are her chances?

Question

My sister is 40 and has just married her partner of 34, who she's been with for four years. Although she loves children, she has a history of problems with severe PMS and depression and is worried that the stress of coping with a new baby would be too much for her, so has voiced her intention to adopt a '5-6 year old'.

I've told her that I think she is naive to believe adopting an older child would be 'less stressful' than having a baby and that adopting is not exactly an easy option, but she seems to feel it would be the best way for her. Her partner already has a son by his previous relationship, but is open to the idea of adopting.

My question is this. They are not in a secure financial situation at all, although my BIL works full-time, and rent their home. Add her age and medical history to the equation and I wondered how easy it would be for them to adopt in the UK anyway?

Answer 1

I was going to recommend that she speak with the Dept of Children and Youth to discuss if she would qualify for foster care or foster/adopt, but then I saw that you posted they are in the UK.  I'm not sure if the same agencies are available in the UK, but others who post here may.  You could also try posting your question to the Y!A United Kingdom site to see if anyone there has suggestions (the link is at the bottom of this page).

You are correct though that parenting a child - of any age - is stressful.  She needs to identify her reasons for wanting to adopt before she makes such a serious decision.  

Good luck to all of you.

Answer 2

Maybe you should tell your sister to try foster care first.  You are right it is NOT less stressful to adopt an older child.  Though there are lots of older kids who need a forever home.  And, they get passed over for babies.  If she did foster care first it would give her more of an idea of what she is looking at.  

My husband and I adopted a 6 year old at the time and it took about a year for things to be less stressful and, feel like a family.  I understand what your sister is going through cause it was pretty much the same for me though I am a little younger and, we adopted 7 years ago.....

Answer 3

I don't think her chances are very good.  There are many children of all ages awaiting adoption, but agencies are careful to place them in the appropriate homes.  I am sure that if they had the money, they could adopt any age they wanted.  Unfortunately, that's how the system works.

Answer 4

There are loads of kids in the foster care system.  Get your sister to contact the local authority and they will guide her as to whether fostering and adoption are for her

I know 40 is the cutoff age for infant adoption in the UK  but you say she's ruled that out anyway; but she would be able to foster or adopt an older child

I think her chances are good

Best of luck