My sister revealed a secret about me that I don't want anyone to ever know?

Question

Until I left home at 17 my dad used to 'punish' me by giving me belt on my bare back. That was the most regular punishment but I used to get it with other implements for more serious ''mistakes'' until my skin would break and my back would get all bloody. I still have scars from that.

I like to think that I have gotten over that and that I have become a normal person and I have never told anyone about that. The only person who knows is my sister (dad didn't beat her)

Anyway, we went with some of our friends to the beach recently and someone asked about my scars, and I have a story that I usually tell about that, but my sister jumped in and said what really happened. Everyone got really uncomfortable, me most of all.

We quickly changed the subject and it wasn't mentioned again.

I am really angry with my sister but I am not sure how to bring it up. I don't want her to be telling that to people and I don't want anyone to know. We never talk about it.

My father is completely oblivious of what he has done and we have an OK relatiosnhip now and he probably still thinks that was for my own good - and as much as I want to actually have someone acknowledge that what he did wasn't just your regular discipline - I didn't want it done in front of 5 other people.

I have a huge problem talking about that. (and please don't suggest councelling, been there already)

I just want to make sure my sister never mentiones it again without getting into the whole story.

(I am 23)

Answer 1

First of all, I am so sorry that you had to go through that with your father. I commend you for even being able to have an OK relationship with him. Next I think you need to talk to your sister about what happened at the beach. There are things that you want kept private and she needs to know that that is one of those things. Tell her that you just don't want people to know and that you already have a story that people know and you would just rather stick to that story. This is a personal matter that you would rather others didn't know. I hope she can see why. Beatings are never for "your own good" even though that is what abusers tell us. You have been brave. Good luck with telling your sister. I think she will understand if you tell her that you need this to stay private. Good luck and God Bless

Answer 2

Your torturer is your dad and mine was my mothers.  I too sported bloody whelps which left scars from being beaten with a belt, hair brush or wire hanger.  So I completely understand where you are coming from.

Tell your sister that what you have endured is your story to tell if you ever decide to.  Not hers.  Tell her that you appreciate her concern but she should never divulge what you went through again.  Again, it is your story to tell not hers.

I do want to say that I admire the fact that you appear to have gotten over this inhuman behavior so quickly.  I took me much longer.  

Another thing, no matter what you did, you did not deserve to beaten like that.  And yes, he does know what he did to you.  Stop protecting him.  That too is part of the healing process.

Talk to your sister, I'm sure will keep your confidence in the future.    

Answer 3

You are just going to have to talk to her about it.  Tell her how you feel and how you want to deal with it.  Ask her to respect your feelings and if she refuses, talk about why.

Answer 4

why don't you talk to your sister and tell her u don't want her to say it anymore?! it's not that hard!