My sister uses me as her personal 'bodyguard' and I hate the job?

Question

Our father was very violent and every single thing was 'fixed' with strokes and punches. During high school I was always in some kind of a 'trouble' and I was getting into a lot of fights and although I hated it - it sort of gave made me feel good about myself and I got pretty good at starting the fights and winning them and I kept my ''bad boy'' reputation throughout the high school.

I am at the university now and I really want to get out of that lifestyle. I mean, here I can be as neardy as I want because I really don't care about what people may think of me. I have become sort of a loner with rhe perfect GPA and I am quite content with my current situation and hanging out with people I would have never even talk to in high school. Here nobody knows me and I was grateful for the clean slate.

My sister is kind of disappointed with the change (I guess I was always her 'protector' at home and everywhere, she is 1 yr younger than me and she liked me being the cool brother) and she doesn't like the new me.

(I guess this is not the new me, this the real me, how I would actually be without my sadistic father around)

Anyway, she gets herself in trouble and calls me to sort out her problems all the time. She somehow always manages to set up those problems so that they involve me beating someone up. I hate doing that!

I had a fight a few days ago where I broke the guy's arm. (not on purpose, because I do try to cause minimal damage and I don't lose my temper, this was an accident) But it almost made me sick.

I talked to my sister and explained to her very seriously that I am not that ''cool'' guy she wants anymore, that we need to move on from that blah, blah. and that she needs to stop this.

She got offended that I would even think that she is doing this on purpose.

How do I get her to move on, too?

I am really worried that she will end up being all messed up like our parents and that I won't be able to stop it. She used to listen to me but not anymore.

Answer 1

If she still sees beating people up as "cool" then she does have "issues".

Let her get offended.  You're right.  She's wrong.  It's that simple.  Stick to your guns.  Have one more discussion about the fact that you have straightened out (and it is "straightening out" when someone stops fighting), that she may need to see a counselor to get past the upbringing, and that you will not, under any circumstances, get involved again).  Tell her you're not having the discussion again, and, again, stick to your own principles.   She could be using "offended" as a way to try to manipulate you, or she may be genuinely offended.  Either way, she'll get past it.

Answer 2

my friend don't worry. i never heard this kind of a problem.first of all CONGRATS on becoming a GOOD BOY.....from bad/cool boy.

i am feeling it is you who spoiled her all the way through till now(i am sorry if i hurted you)if you would correct her in the beginning,the situation today would not be like this

here is what i would do if i were in your place

first of all i would try to understand about her mental status as far as i could. now start talking to her in a really friendly way.tell her the consequences she will have to face if she continues to be in the same way.........

hope this helps you

Answer 3

wow, i must say, i really feel respect for you for being strong enough to say the things you said. and for admitting what you did. i think its really a break through and a glimpse into the mind of bullies :) but hey, CONGRATS !! you've really matured i guess. you sister will eventually come to terms with it. try to tell her how dangerous it is for you to fight. you can get injured, killed or accidently kill someone and end up in jail. if she loves you, she'll understand. if she doesn't understand, then leave her be. she'll learn on her own with time. but you don't have to be any way just to please her. just be yourself and stay out of trouble. that's what real intelligent people do. get a degree, get a job, and show power through your real self. i'm sure your sister will respect your decision atleast when she'll mature.  

Answer 4

well she needs to fight her own battles and you dont have to respond to her when she gets into trouble call the police for her you love your sister but unless you stay away from the trouble she is causing you may end up in jail and it sounds like you are happy now

Answer 5

Well congrats on getting your life together!  If you want to keep it that way, you need to stop breaking people's arms, especially at a college level.  You don't have time for that anymore.  You've grown up now, and you have to act accordingly.

Did you ever think that your sister was sort of using you as leverage over her peers? In a sort of bullying way?  Like she can do or say or get away with anything she wants because she knows you'll come and bash X and Y's face in?  I'm sure you have, since you've already spoken to her about that--and I commend you for doing so.  But what you need to do here is as another answerer already said--let her fight her own battles.  You can't keep jeopardizing your future (and I do mean that seriously--you could easily have gone to jail and gotten a record for that broken arm) every time your sister tells you to.  If she learns to defend herself and learns the consequences and repercussions of the fighting all the time, she'll stop it.  But as long as she has a proverbial "whipping boy" to do it FOR her, she'll keep doing it.

Think of it this way. If you had a maid to pick up after you, would you be more concerned about the mess you made, or less concerned than if you knew you'd have to clean those moldy pots yourself?  Keep fighting outside of high school and you WILL eventually get arrested for assault/battery.  There's no more 3-day-suspension.  If they catch you, you're going to jail.  Period.

And it's weird for me answering this question because I was usually on the receiving end of the whole "tough guy" act lol.  And I had a bunch of my own at-home issues to deal with on top of that, while having someone take all their issues out on me.  Grade school was h**l.  Still in therapy because of it, like 7 years later.  And thank GOD I was raised in a conservative church, because my fear of going to h**l for murder saved a lot of lives, let me tell you!  Keep in mind the effects you're having on the people whose behinds you kick, and on your sister who now probably thinks she's invincible.  I strongly suggest you let her figure this out before she graduates and runs into the wrong person in the "real" world.