My son's Kindergarten teacher wants to stay back. I don't. What should I do?

Question

My son was born in June and he attended school for the first time in his life when he was four years old. He didn't learn much in Pre-K because the teachers didn't want to be hard on him, so they let him have fun while he got accustomed to school. He is now 5 years old in Kindergarten. He started school in August and by October, his teacher had a conference with me and told me everything he didn't know how to do. Her suggestion was for my son to be "retained" because he has a "late birthday" and he educational level is not up to the county & state standards. I had another conference with her in January, and this time she made more of a threat and said that my baby will not pass the "AKS" test and has a high chance of being retained. I still disagree with her. I want son to go forward to 1st grade. What would you do?

Answer 1

Better for him to stay now and catch up then have to stay later (say in high school) and have to catch up.

No college will care if he was held back in kindergarten, they may care if he is held back in sophomore, junior, or senior level.  I suggest doing more to get your kid to pay attention in school right now.  If he can pass the AKS then it won't be a big deal as long as he learns to work now.  If he doesn't, better to hold him back now so that he can learn to buckle down when buckling down isn't that hard and doesn't affect anything; rather than later when it will be much harder and may have an affect on attaining scholarships or even just getting into college.

Answer 2

I would try another school and I think any sort of testing at Kindergarten age is insane. Kids are kids for God's sake, the teacher sounds puffed up with her own importance. Get another opinion.

Answer 3

Advice from a kindergarten teacher-   Honestly, if your kid knows their alphabet and sounds and is able to read at a level 3 then that is the very basic level for him to be at in order to pass onto first grade.  NOW, remember the over the summer kids for get things.  Yes there is summer school but generally only for a month and then what happens the next month?  They still forget everything.  At home give him your own test.  Take the letters out of order and see if he can name them and tell you the sound for each.  If he can't do that, then don't move him to first.  First grade is becoming second second and ppl don't seem to understand this.  There is a huge jump that they have to make.  Does he know his sight words?  Can he write sentences with spaces between the words?  Does he know the difference between a letter and a word?  Can he write clearly and express himself?  If you have been working with him at home, then you will know what level he's at and how he has progressed.  If he can write, read, and do math, then move him on.  If he can't then maybe leaving him an extra year in kinder won't be so bad.  If you move him on and he's not ready, the teachers can hold him back in first grade or send him back to kinder.  Hope this helps.

Also, the reason she told you way back in October about him progressing slowly is probably because he was one of those on the border cases.  It's good that she told you early because then you knew what to work with him and hopefully you did.  Alot of my border cases from early this school year won't be held back but I told their parents because I didn't want to have that conference where I throw the bomb at them that their kid isn't doing so well, when I met with them before and told him he was doing perfectly.

Answer 4

Is kindergarten required in your state? It isn't required in our state, so her threat would have no teeth. What you have to ask yourself is what is best for him. If he is behind, he will not magically catch up in first grade. So, what I say to parents is do you want him at the bottom of the class or the top. Do you want him always struggling or not. Also, do you plan to work with him over the summer so that he is at least closer to the other students when the fall comes.

Answer 5

It would be alot easier on him to stay back now than later. It won't bother him socially now but will be devastating later if he is held back. I was barely 5 when I started school and was always the youngest kid. I struggled all the way through school and barely graduated a year and a half late. Give him a good start.

Answer 6

In New Jersey, Kindergarten is not mandatory, so I do not think you can be forced to repeat. Also has the teacher done everything from her point to help your child? Has she met with you more than just the normal conferences that everyone has? Have you demanded to see the teacher more often? Has she or have you gotten extra work or ways that you can help your child? She should have given you ideas to do at home. Is this public or private school? Does the school offer extra help in grades? Meaning, instead of pulling the child out of class that is behind in math, they would have an extra math teacher come in to help those that are behind while the teacher of the room is teaching the whole class. Meaning the child in included in the classroom, just gets extra help during class. Is there any tutoring that could be taken advantage of? What are the actual weak points? Is it more than one subject, or is he just having a hard time in all of them? I think I would do everything I could to help him along especially if it was just one or two areas, now if my child was struggling in basically all areas, and everything was done from my point, and from the schools point then I would seriously consider letting them stay behind, but make sure everything has been done to help him now. Why is this teacher so focused on next yr (since oct? that is ridicules.) It almost seems like she has her mind set and that she was not even trying to help during the yr. has he improved at all? That is not only from his part, but if the teacher does not do her part it does not help. Also could he have a learning disability that he needs different learning styles used on him? For example, maybe it is hard for him to listen for a long time and maybe he needs a more tactical way of learning. Maybe he needs to be able to be active in his learning. Look into all of these different aspects before making a decision, the sad part is that it is almost the end of the yr and by this time it would be hard for him to catch up. This should have been addressed and looked into by the teacher and yourself from a while ago. I just really don’t understand why the teacher was already saying that he probably will have to stay back back in Oct. I also do not think she should have threatened you, and yes it is very sad that Kindergarteners have to take tests, but unfortunately in public schools they do.

Answer 7

threatened?  hmmmm perhaps your child's teacher is not presenting this in the proper way. I do trust the educational abilities of teachers and experience of them realizing who his peers will be.  I have never heard a parent regret holding a child back, I have heard several regret pushing them on. This is NOT an insult to your child, this is a suggestion on his best behalf.  It is better to retain him now than in later years when he is even more discouraged with school.  Please listen to your child's teacher and try not to take it personal.

Answer 8

Research shows that children who are held back early or wait an extra year before starting school tend to do better in school, even in high school and college. It seems like the teacher has some very valid reasons for holding your child back, and often a child has to be severely struggling in order for the school to be willing to hold them back. Children with late birthdays, especially boys, benefit from that extra year. The decision you make now could impact your child for the rest of his life. Children are expected to know and do more younger and younger. If your child is having difficulty performing as expected at a Kindergarten level it is likely he will struggle if he is moved on and may never catch up. Do you want him to spend the rest of his school years stressed out because he is trying to catch up because he wasn't ready to move on when he did. I would encourage you to seriously listen to the teacher's concerns,evaluate why you are against holding him back, and then give him the extra time he needs to grow and develop in order to be successful in school.

Answer 9

I agree with Ann and punkmommy.  Let me tell you my story:  2 of my boys were born in July.  I started the first one in kindergarten when he turned five because I thought that's what you're supposed to do.  When he finished first grade, the teacher said he was very bright, understood everything, but that he was very young and immature and would benefit very much from holding him back.  I followed her advice and NEVER regretted it.  When my next boy was five, I just waited and started him in kindergarten when he turned 6.  Both boys (now adults) did extremely well in school and never for one minute regretted having started later.  In fact, neither of them was very aware of having been held back.  Tell your child how lucky he is to get to have another year of kindergarten.  Not every child gets that chance you know!  Approach it in a positive manner, and he will see it in a positive light.  If you move him ahead now, he will always be a little behind, he will always struggle, and he will not achieve to his potential.  Give him this second chance to be the best he can be!

Answer 10

Think what is best for your son. If he really needs to be held back...better to do it in Kindergarten than in 4th or 5th grade.  There will be other children in the class who are older because of their birthdays and he'll also feel more like the "leader".  Do NOT think of this as some sort of failure on your part but do talk with the teacher to see what you can do to help at home.

I'm not impressed that  you got the feeling of being "threatened".  Hmmm...if that is so, talk with the teacher and the principle.    I find that because so much $$$ for the school depends on who passes the test and sometimes it is the teacher that is directly effected by them not passing a test...that a few teachers forget that the children are there to take a step forward from where they are...not to be all at the head of the class.  Good luck!

Answer 11

let me tell you my story. my son is a late may birthday his teacher in kindergarten told me the same thing but she didn't tell me that we need to keep him in kindergarten and i wish she did. my son now is in 4th grade we are always playing the game of catching up and we never do catch up he has privet tooters for reading and math having the county test and the fcat every year is a big nightmare for every one in the house. i wish that i Had the choice of keeping him back in kindergarten. now its too late to keep him back.

Answer 12

that is  very personal.you could retaine your child or may be you could work hard i mean that you should help your child to higher his/her grades I am believe you can do it!!!!Good Luck hope you can do it!

Answer 13

Keep him back as he will start again with new classmates and it will make no difference to him as he will be the right age. He must mature and this way he will help others and be seen as a leader by the little ones. This will give him confidence to excel himself and prove to the others he can do it. Dont argue with the teacher do the test yourself and see how clever he really is. Get the teacher to give you the information on what he should know and test him.

Answer 14

This is a very personal decision for you. Have you listened to the teacher's concerns regarding your son's learning? Are they valid? Maybe some one on one coaching at home if he is behind the other kids in his year at school would help. I would suggest that letting him stay behind would be better than him going on to 1st grade only to fall further & further behind. It would be easier for him to repeat Kindergarten than, say 2nd grade or something when he's older and more aware of where he stands with the other kids academically.

Answer 15

This is always a difficult decision.  

What was it specifically that caused him to not be prepared?  Unfortunately, the school system often tends to be very unhelpful to a child that is "falling behind."  (I hate using that term)  Especially from 1st grade on.

Children can be nasty as well.  Student errors are presented to the entire class rather than dealt with privately.  If he is going into a traditional program and there are concerns about where he is academically, it's time to consider keeping him behind one more year now rather than moving him forward.  That is a decision you will ultimately have to make.

Matt

Answer 16

I know it's hard to hear that your son may not be up to par- but for his own good... I would listen to the teacher.  You can hold him back now and give him that extra year to develop.  He's young and may not notice his friends going on to the next grade.  You can easily explain that they're older and that is why they get to go to the next grade.   Or you can push him forward and later find out he's struggling.   If he struggles to keep up- chances are, he'll always be struggling.  For the most part, parents don't find out until they are in the 3rd grade that their child is having problems.  Imagine the damage on their self esteem to be held back then, kids can and will be very cruel.  Do your child a favor.... give him that extra year!  Better safe then sorry.