My son's babysitter is dressing him up as a girl during playtime, is this normal?

Question

I have a 22 month old son and our babysitter is such a good caregiver to him while me and my wife work.

Recently, I found out that on her myspace, she has pictures of him dressed up in tutus and girl wigs with her 4yr old daughter and her cousin while they are playing.

I find this very disturbing since i'm finding out on a website about this, yet my wife thinks this is normal.

I really don't mind that he's playing with girls and their toys, but I don't think this is appropriate for my son. My wife thinks that she's just doing this so he'll fit in with them while they are playing, but I disagree. I know that he is very young and this is probably not going to effect him psychologically, but I am butting heads with my wife on this because she wants to avoid a confrontation with her. Aside from this, she is a wonderful caregiver. Am I over reacting by being on the defense about this? Or am I being overly concerned over nothing?

Answer 1

I think it sounds like they were just playing around and took some funny pictures. If the girls were playing dress up it would be mean to leave him out. I would just ask her to please ask you before putting pictures of him on the internet. Otherwise, let them have some fun- it's not hurting anyone! If she didn't really care about him she wouldn't even WANT to put pics on HER myspace page. I think you should be happy that you have a babysitter who obviously loves your little guy. =]

Answer 2

There are some great ideas that have been submitted here:

Maybe the caregiver doesn't have a lot of non-girly dress up clothes? Maybe you can help her acquire some gender neutral costumes (doctor's outfits, fire fighter, astronaut, dragon, or other animals). If she they had books or movies that featured these characters they could act out the stories.  

I'm with the others; posting pics of your kid on-line is not cool. I'm sure you could find stories about photos on-line being stolen and used for un-intended purposes to support your position.  

Everything I've ever read says that while kids are this young, dressing up in the other s*x's clothes is normal. (The material is sparkly and feels nice and all my friends are doing it). If they do it when they're older it may be evidence of stress or a strong identification with one parent over the other and even then they say give him boyish alternatives but don't make a big deal out of it) But that's later. He's not even 2 yet. Harmless.

You sound like a clever guy; I bet you could find a way to bring this up with the caregiver that wouldn't do any damage. Tell her she's wonderful and her care is helping your son flourish in ways you love - however- you're not a big fan of the dressing up in wigs and tutus. (Oh how I hate the princess culture but that's another rant). Maybe that's when you could offer to bring over some other costumes.

Answer 3

That is strange. Why would she post these up on her myspace first of all. Second of all it is weird that she has not said anything to you about it. It kind of sounds sick depending on how badly she is dressing him up.

Answer 4

Honestly, I think you're overreacting.

If it were your daughter dressing up in 'boys' work clothes or something you consider to be 'for boys', would you be as upset? Would you be fighting over it with your wife and demanding she never wear boys clothes again?

If your son does in fact grow up and tell you he's g*y, I highly doubt that putting on a few dresses as a kid is in any way responsible, and that you'd love him any less for it. Clothing doesn't make people decide sexual orientation!

Dress up is just dress up and pretending, it's not indicative of the what your child will grow up to be - just like how putting on a halloween costume doesn't make you grow up to be a dinosaur, a vampire, a unicorn or Harry Potter.

So I say relax - give your wife and son a hug and realize that costumes are just costumes - if he grows up to be a wonderful actor who wears all sorts of different clothes - women's or other wise, by then you'll feel good when he thanks you in his Oscar speech haha

The only concern I would have (personally) is her not asking permission to post photos of your child on a public website without asking first, but I'm a bit of a freak about those things.

Answer 5

That is perfectly normal....  I bet you anything she is not dressing him, he is dressing himself!  Or at least innitiating it!  I have a nephew that used to dress up in all the disney princess costumes when he went over to his friends house...  Don't make a big deal out of it to him because it will only make him feel insecure and like he did somethign wrong!  Just ignore it and it will pass!  My sister just begged her friend to keep him indoors while playing dress up!  Ha ha

As long as you think there is nothing inappropriate going on, then dress up is fine!  If he was hanging out with 2 boys he'd be playing with trucks and guns!  At this age it's not detrimental!  When he's older he'll figure out that those clothes are for girls... maybe get him a dress up chest for boys...  I have one for my two your old that has outfits for a fireman, policeman, contruction man, etc...  

If anything, maybe ask your sitter to keep the pictures to herself and not put them on myspace!  With the internet, you neer know if those pictures will one day resurface to bite him in the butt!  LOL!

Answer 6

I would have fired her the minute i first seen the picture. God knows what else she is doing to your son...

Answer 7

Hmm I wouldn't be to concerned at this point.  Maybe it was a one time incident and they were all just being silly.  If it bothers you to much....then send over some cheap costume for him to play with at dress up time.  Like some cheap little fireman outfit or police outfit that you can find at walmart for kids.

I would be more concerned with other people having my kids photos on the internet!  Unless your ok with it......then I am ok with it.

Answer 8

Your babysitter should not be doing this without your consent-it sounds weird. It's not as though your son is hers--she is being inappropriate. Not only that, but she posted pictures of your son dressed this way on the internet. Very, very inappropriate. Personally, not that I'd do it, but I think you could litigate this. You definitely need to speak to your babysitter and tell her to stop and take down the pictures. And since your wife doesn't want the confrontation--you do it. No problem then is it? You get to say what you want and your wife can keep her mouth shut. How does a 2 yr old have much say in being dressed this way anyway? No, she really should have informed you that he played this way with her girls or asked you at the very least...

Answer 9

I definitely would call the child's pediatrician and ask advice on this.  This is not just something to laugh at, especially if it is bothering one of the parents.

There is enough stress in the workplace, and having some like this at home also is adding fuel to the fire.