My son's behaviour?

Question

He's 7 by the way.

Answer 1

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Answer 2

He's still just a little kid. Clearly he is missing his father and seeking comfort in you. 8 weeks is a long time to be away at one time, then come back and then leave again. That is bound to be hard on any kid. Not sure what age your girls are, but they have you and you are female so they are having that bond. Your son is hurt and doesn't understand. Possibly your husband needs to ask himself if his job is worth missing out on his family so much. No matter what he does or can ever say, it doesn't make up for lost time. As for the bed thing. He is missing his father, it's ok for now. Like I said though, as a parent we all make sacrifices, even if its changing careers for the well being of our family. YOu and your husband need to think about that. Also i'd consider a child counselor to help your son deal with his feelings. If not they could turn from being lonely, to resent and anger. Your hubby is missing out on bonding time. Is any amount of money worth lost time with your children, that you will NEVER get back?

Answer 3

Alll seems pretty normal - missing his dad i guess....

Answer 4

Je is probally acting like this because although he has a dad he is not there to be a dad.  You are his mum and you'll prob see that he will come to you in the kitchen to ask you questions even if his dad is sitting in the same room as him because you are always there for him.  I dont think you should worry too much about the bed issue because he will grow out of it.  Maybe he needs to fall asleep with his light on or when he has fallen asleep in your bed to carry him back to his own.

Hope this helps.

Answer 5

He is missing his dad.  The relationship and needs of a son vs daughters is different so you really can't compare them.  When he is home, Dad really needs to take some time out for some deep one on one time with DS. This should be camping or 1/2 day bike ride or whatever they choose.  DS needs a male influence in his life and I'm, quite sure he feels resentful especially if there are things that his friends are doing that he doesn't get to do... like dad coming to baseball games or taking him swimming or whatever.

It might be also that DS needs someone to talk with about "male" issues he may be having.  Be sure to let your husband know that he needs to start talking, really talking, to DS  when he is home.

Oh, do not let him come into bed with you anymore.  He is too old for that.  If he feels some sort of pressure to be the man of the house (not s*xually) then he is going to become not only resentful toward dad but his family in general.

Answer 6

No, let him come and sleep with you if it's not all the time. He probably doesn't understand the situation right now, and you should explain it to him so he won't resent him. He's probably mad that his father isn't always there to play with him and comfort him. At seven, he really needs his dad and when he's not always there, he feels deserted. If you tell him his dad loves him and he has to go away for his job, he'll grow to love him more than he does now. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

i would put a stop to the bed thing as it will get worse and worse...as for you son getting angry when your hubby is there it is probably that he is unsettled by the routine and maybe feels like the pecking order has change and when his dad is back he feels pushed out...you need to make sure he knows his place in the family and understand why his dad is away so long at a time...hope this helps

Answer 8

Perhaps when he's lonely just lay beside HIS bed..I would stop him from coming to yours. However with the father being away like that it has to really bother him. Let me ask you a question. Do you SHOW the father affection? (I mean as in hugs, kisses, that sort of thing) in FRONT of your son? HE really needs to see that you two do love each other is what I'm getting at. Also I believe in 'talking' with children ... just to see how he's feeling about his father being away. Take time to just spend "son time" with him. The FATHER really needs to do this. Just him and his son. I know that's hard, but it does sound like he resents his dad for not being there. Set up something for just the two of them next time dad comes home.

G'luck

Answer 9

Sleeping in the bed is fine and normal for having a parent absent. I for one slept in my moms bed until the 6th grade. Your son may have some feelings of abandonment towards the father.

When the father is back at home, he should take the child out by himself. Maybe a movie or chuckie cheese. Something fun the child would enjoy.

Another thing that may help the child loosen up is when the father is home, let the child sleep between you or next to the bed on the floor. He may feel like he is protecting you.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 10

Could be a classic case of the Oedipal Complex. Good ol' Freud.

There are tons of books and websited on it... I like to start with Wiki... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oedipus_com...

Answer 11

Wanting his mum all to himself is pretty normal, and he will resent your husband coming home and being important to you.

He needs to keep his security, but also needs to know his place in the family... which is not as 'dad replacement'.

I would stop him sleeping in your bed, tell him that is daddy's bed, but if he is lonely then he can sleep on a matress/ airbed on your floor until he feel able to go back to his own bed.

I would be very firm about this. It will take a great deal  of perseverence on your part to maintain the rule. If he insists on getting into your bed despite being told no, then I would put him back into his own room saying "if you don't obey the rules in my and dad's room, then you will sleep in your own room" and (if necessary) stay awake all night to make sure he stays there.

Answer 12

I think you should stop him.

The more you let him sleep in your bed when hubby is away the more the hubby will seem non-important to the boy.

Answer 13

Boys aren't the best of communicators, espescially at such a young age. I don't think there is much to worry about.

Does his Dad read him bedtime stories when he is at home. It would be a good idea if he could.

At that age my Dad was away for 4 months and I was very cut up about it. The first 2 months he was working in Africa and I was annoyed at him. When he returned he spent 2 months in quarrantine and I couldn't see him. I was scared of losing him even though Mum said he was perfectly well.