My son's father does not want to see him, how do I explain this to my son?

Question

My son is 15 months old and my partner and I actually split when I was 25 weeks pregnant. When our son was born my ex got back in touch and he began visiting his son about once per week, sometimes twice. After 8 weeks my ex and I argued about money and the fact he was not contributing any child support. Since that time my ex has refused to see our son, basically because he is angry at me!! I attempted to resolve the situation by attending mediation with my ex however he walked out of the meeting refusing to participate because he wasnt going to get the access to our son that he demanded. My son is obviously still very young but I guess I need to know what to start telling him about his father. I WONT be telling my son anything awful about his father but I just dont know what to tell him when he starts to ask about where his daddy is. Any advice would be appreciated, I just want to start thinking about this now so that I can kind of plan what I am going to tell him. Thanks.

Answer 1

Well the truth is. is when he grows up (your partner) he will realize how important his child is to him. The best choice really is to try to work things out. The child deserves it.  

Answer 2

Another good reason to get in a committed relationship with a good man who wants to have children with you BEFORE making him the father of your child.

When your son is old enough to hear the truth, he should know the situation was caused by irresponsible choices made by BOTH parents, not just his father.  I hope he also is taught how to prevent the same thing from happening to himself.

Yes, this is strong advice, but it's in the best interest of your son.

Answer 3

im in the same boat me and my ex partner broke up when he was 3 months old beacause he jus did not care and i have gave him a number of chances he has stole of our son and even pushed his buggy 2ward a road beacause he seen me with another guy. he is in contacted with him know thro is gran and is never2 b left alone with his dad but i know its a matter of time b4 he walks our or messes up again but this is his last chance. i always worry that my son will blame me 4 his dad not being there but then i relasise that if he does do that i will explain everything his farther has done! u dont want to make ur babys farther sound bad but he is the one that has done this u have tried i think ur child will appericate that. he should pay 4 his child its his rights as the dad.

Answer 4

since i have first hand experience with this situation and grew up perfectly fine and happy i will give you a pointer that my mum followed.

Mum never ever said anything negatively about my dad, but she never made excuses either..

be honest but not negative. Typical one was daddy needs to work alot and his very busy.. but "i am here" and i love you.

And you know what kids are very intuative they realise what is going on at an early age. My mom is my hero, she has been both a mother and a father and now at 28 years of age she is also one of my best friends.  

Be honest and age appropriate..  love your child and let him know you are his world. thats all he needs trust me ;)

You sound like a wonderful giving mother, All the best xx

Answer 5

I have raised my 2 kids in the same situation you are in.. My ex left me when my kids were babies and has chosen not to be apart of any of our lives.  I have raised 2 healthy, happy girls.  When they were really little I let them know that all families are different.  Some have only grandma's or grandpa's and no mom or dad.  Some just have dad's.. others just mom's (like us) and then we would count all the wonderful people that we did have in our lives... other friends and family members.  This way we were focusing on the POSITIVE side about our family and how wonderful it is to have the people that we do.  Then, as they were old enough to realize that everything begins with a mom and a dad.. I was able to explain things better, and this way they never felt the loss of a parent.  To my kids our family is complete.

I wish you the best of luck...

and as a side note- If a father does not want to be around your child.... Your child is better off with out him.  It was hard for me to grasp this concept but soon you will meet the perfect guy that WANTS to be around your son... He won't be able to imagine life with out you and your baby.. If your ex really abandoned your son you can then have your new hubby adopt your son and you can  be that complete family that you are looking for.  

  There is nothing worse than abandoning your own child!  This guy is scum and you and your baby deserve so much more!  Hang in there my friend!

Answer 6

Daddy loves you very much, but mommy and daddy don't always get along. I would also suggest that you do anything in your power to give him time with his son....sounds like you are trying, but don't give up and don't put it off b/c you are angry. Your son would want you to try everything within your power....ultimately, daddy must want to be involved...but money is not a reason for a child to be separated from his daddy.

Answer 7

your son is still young and maybe things between you and your ex will get better!!!!and if not!!!tell him that has daddy traveled to do some buisnesse

Answer 8

well if i was you id tell him his father moved overseas for work.maybe u will meet someone better and he might become dad..

Answer 9

you could call him or leave him a message saying your child is asking for you what should i tell him? i would tell the child when he is old enough that daddy had to take care of some thing and he went away for a little while, hopefully by the time he asks you again his father would have come to his senses.

Answer 10

I have been in this same situation. My oldest daughters father never wanted to see her, but she always wanted to see him. I used to always bring her to his house because i kept thinking he would change and she needs her father, but it never worked. I stopped bringing her around him because  I was causing more harm then good. When she got older and asked again to see him I tried again but he was the same way! There came a time when she finally realized on her own that he didnt want anything to do with her, which made her heart break! If I were you, I wouldnt even let her be around him. Its easier to do it now when she is young so she wont remember. Unfortunately she will forget about him. Sorry to see you and your child go thru this. Just try to be strong!  

Answer 11

You simply tell your son - at an appropriate age - that his father chose not to be a real dad. In addition, you must let him know that YOU were the one who made the very bad choice in choosing his father, so the child doesn't feel like it's his fault.

I hope at some point the father changes his mind, and that you can get past the money issue.

Answer 12

i would say to the young child that his daddy has gone on a holiday or is to busy to come over or his daddy will be gone for a while. something like that until you either sort it out or the child gets older. maybe you should talk to your ex about whats best for your child.

Answer 13

Tell him that your his mummy and daddy or that daddy has gone away, when his older you can tell him the whole story.

Answer 14

you may not realize it but child support and visitation are two seperate issues.your childs father has rights to his son whether he pays support or not!legally he can go to the friend of the court and demand his legal right to see his son whether he ever pays you or not,that is the facts.

my advice is to set up visitation for a few hours one day per week,if you cannot get along then just dont be there.have either a friend or relative be with your child or meet your ex and return with your child.i know it sucks but as long as he is a loving,caring parent and is in no way abusive to your son do the right thing and allow your son to know his dad.so many kids today will grow up and be in trouble cause there is no father around.good luck