My son's first mom has concerns about him not crawling. How do I ease her concerns?

Question

He is 9 months old. I am a stay at home mom. He's on the floor playing all the time. He army crawls everywhere and crawls backwards. I'm not concerned and he has no developmental problems.

Unfortunately, her mother fills her head with lots of lies and has told her were bad parents because he isn't crawling yet. How do I ease her mind about this? She is a very smart girl but very sheltered. She's grown up in this absusive, sheltered environment so sometimes it's hard to communicate logic with her. If that makes any sense. Like when she was pregnant, her mom told her she could OD on prenatal vitamins and she believed her. We tried to convince her that that was not true but she wouldn't believe us. Anyways, I'm not trying to cut her down by any means because, like I said, she is smart. How do I communicate with her about parental issues when she's getting fed these lies?

Answer 1

You just have to be confident in your parenting skills, and let it go.  It is not a battle anyone will win, as there is no real right or wrong.  Just respond with a confident attitude -- "Well, I think he'll be fine, and so does his doctor."  If you seem to cave, it gives her Mom leverage to try and undermine you.  Just reassure her and calmly change the subject.  No power struggles.

FYI, you can harm yourself by taking too many vitamins!!

Answer 2

Is it possible to bring her to the pediatric doctors appointment with you?

Answer 3

Give her book #2 of the What To Expect...series.  I found this book very informative.  And one of the things I liked about the book is that it usually gives both sides of issues.  

Let her attend a well-child doctor visit.

Answer 4

It is none of her bussiness she gave him to you and it is your baby now. Who's the "bad"mom?

Answer 5

If they are local, invite her over for a day, to play with him, and help out.  She will see for herself that he is crawling, and doing just fine.

Sharing a baby development book with her is also a good idea.

BTW.. you CAN OD on prenatal vitamins, just like on any other vitamin.  It's important to take only the prescribed or recommended dose.

Answer 6

I agree with the others that perhaps a visit with you to the doctor might help to ease her mind.  I know when we were adopting, our son's bio family asked us to attend our son's medical appointments because of his medical disorder and it helped ease my mind greatly once I was able to speak to the doctor.  Just a thought.  

Good luck.

Answer 7

maybe take her along to one of the pedi appointments so she can hear it straight from their mouth. i have a 9 month old and she is not even army crawling yet and the pedi didnt seem concerned at all.

Answer 8

My stupid daughter never crawled.  She went straight to walking.  She's now correcting my spelling and laughing at me.  LOL.  She's not really stupid, she just didn't want to crawl.  She was really lazy she says.

She has a 4.2 GPA and got 2000 on her SAT's.  I think your son will be ok.

ETA:  My daughter and I scoff at your thumbs!  : 0 )

Answer 9

gross motor development differs for every child.  just let her know that not every child will crawl, walk and talk at the same time. i think you are doing a great job at not cutting her out, but let her know that babies develop differently, and soon, he's be running and getting into everything...

i also like the book idea.  sometimes people are overly concerned if they don't know the range of development.

good luck...

ETA:  ok, i have to say this... she obviously has NO IDEA how lucky she is to have an amom like you.  although i wish things were different and she was able to parent, you are definitely by far the best amom she could have asked for.  i wonder if she knew that most aparents at this point would simply close the adoption and move on; totally not giving a S**t about her feelings, would she calm down a bit?

also, family members (especially older women) will give all kinds of advice such as using cereal in bottles, not breastfeeding, lying babies on their stomach to sleep, et al. although most mean well, there is a point when parent need to deflect the advice of others and do their best to parent the child. in other words, don't cut her out; but let her know that people will always give advice; some of it not so helpful. also, remind her that she chose YOU to raise her little boy; and that she has no idea how lucky she is to have you as her son's amom.

Answer 10

One of my son's never crawled either. he went from rocking back and forth on his hands and knees to walking on his hands and feet. Remember Mougle from jungle book? That was my son. He isn't a 4.2 but he's a 3.8 and high functioning in electronics.

Show her some of these answers and explain that opnions are like a particular body part, everybody's got one.

Answer 11

Get her a book. The child is fine. Mine didn't start walking until after his first birthday.

If you go to a college bookstore, you can get really great books on the developmental stages of children. It's worth every penny. It'll be something you can both use.

Thanks for being so thoughtful and caring. Best wishes.

Answer 12

Perhaps getting some resources to explain that as long as he is mobile, this is what is important.  Plus, babies crawl later and some not at all because of the "Back to Sleep" SIDS prevention.  When babies were put on their tummies to sleep, they were motivated to roll over/crawl, etc. sooner, mainly because they did not like to be on their tummies any more than babies do today.

I liked the idea about going to a doc visit, getting a book for her, even in extreme situations, get a letter or copies from his chart showing he is doing fine.

Poor girl, sounds like her mother really has a grip on her.  Hopefully with some "experts," they will back off.  

Remember, it's so much easier to blame others rather than address what is really going on.  There may be some feelings that are going on here that are the real issue.

Best of luck!

Answer 13

Why don't you buy her a book on baby developement and show her that all babies develope at different rates. Also try explaining to her that while what her mom says might have been true when she was a baby, improved study often shows us that it is not the best or most correct form of thinking now. There by you are not undermining her mom but you are leaving open the possibility that current thinking has changed from years ago