My son's girlfriend is pregnant, I have a suspicion that she got pregnant on purpose any advice on what to do?

Question

My son and his girlfriend found out about a month ago that she's pregnant. They've been dating for about 3 years, he's only 21 years old, and his girlfriend is 23. I'm not happy about it at all obviously, because I think he's way too young and I'm a mother of 2 children (also a 17 year old daughter) and I was never married so I know how hard it can be. I tried to teach my son about the need for abstinence and, as an alternative, about the need for condoms, but I guess boys will be boys. *sigh*

So they're making the best of it. He claims it was just an accident and that she was taking the birth control pill and these things happen.

But a few days ago I ran into the mother of one of my son's girlfriend's best friends that I got to know over the years. She mentioned the pregnancy and congratulated me and said how great it was, etc etc. I told her that I was crazy about the whole thing. The she told me, "oh really, well I know how much Terri (my son't girlfriend) wanted to have a baby soon, so I'm happy for them."

I was floored!!! I didn't say anything to either her or to my son yet, but I don't know what to do!! I know for a fact my son didn't want to have a child yet, so if him girlfriend stopped taking her pills without telling him and effectively ruining his life, that was a real evil thing to do!!!

My son goes to school part time and works part time. His girlfriend just graduated from college and works full time, so they should be ok financially, but not great.

So what should I do about all this?

Thanks,

Beth

Answer 1

I think for your son's sake you need to make him aware of the situation. Of course, this baby is on it's way so there is not much that can be done now. But if this girl tricked him he needs to know.  

Answer 2

I can`t see what the problem is? They aren`t that young and they`ve been together for 3 years so they must have a stable relationship. And u r going to be a grandmother, thats wonderful isn`t it?? Sounds like u just don`t like your sons girlfriend. If she`s graduated from college and got a job then what`s the problem? At least she`s made a future for herself education wise. I think u should be happy for them and let your son lead his own life.

Answer 3

I can clearly understand how you must feel if this girl tricked him...but sadly there is nothing you can do . You must let your son deal with it himself and if you say anything it could cause big problems when the baby arrives...let them get on with it and enjoy this grandchild. Remember this child is going to need it's grandmother.

Answer 4

You have already done as much as you could do mom. You tried to pass your knowledge & experience on to your son & he took what you told him, listened to some, & ignored the rest.

You passed on what tools you had available for him, & now he has the job of living his life the way he chooses. It's his job to learn from his mistakes, & it's not healthy for you to burden yourself with the task of fixing the ones he makes.

As for what you hear from 3rd parties concerning your son's relationship with his gf, I would recommend that you go with what you know, NOT with what you've heard.

Answer 5

I wouldn't say anything, no matter how tempting it may be. Saying something will only hurt everyone involved. Your son may well suspect his girlfriend, but he may just be putting on the brave face out of respect for his girlfriend and out of his desire to do the right thing. Any which way, your son will be responsible for this child, and it will be better for your future grandchild to have his/her family around than not. If your son's girlfriend wants this child, she will have it, whether you like it or not

Answer 6

It doesn't matter now if it was on purpose or not.  Fact is that they are having a baby and you are going to be a grandparent.  I would say that the best thing to do is be forgiving of them, let them know that you are not happy of there choice but that you stand behind them.  

Answer 7

No matter how it happened you are going to be a grandma and that is something to be happy about. I agree that if she tricked him that was a mean thing to do but nether here nor there it happened. If you dwell on this it will only alienate you from your son and his new family.  

Answer 8

I guess there is no way of knowing if she went off the pill but I bet she did or she would not have gotten pregnant.   I guess they both think you don't know any better than to believe them that it was an accident.

All you can do is accept it and love your grandchild when it is born.

Blessings  

Answer 9

Congratulate the new parents-to-be, be happy about the soon arrival of your first grandchild, and teach your daughter it's never a good thing to deceive anyone about anything.

YOur son isn't the first man to be wooed into such a situation, if, in fact, she actually deceived him about the birth control.

This is a situation you didn't create nor do you have control over it's outcome.

Good Luck

Answer 10

Wow your ina real rough situation. I would confront the girlfriend, all by your self, then go talk to your bf, then talk to them together.  I think its a serious situation, i know you probably aernt going take my advice as I am a pregnant 20 year old as well as having an 8 month old son. let the girlfriend know all the negative facts about pregnancy, even say(from me) that I wanted kids when i was young, as soon as I had the baby, I felt like I missed out lot on my youth. She is evil to do such a thing. It really did sound like she did it. But the though is also extremely powerful. But she definately accidently skipped the pill or was taking it at the wrong time to do such a thing. You should say to her, that its going to be extremely hard knowing you are with someone(your son) who isnt ready. Even try and get some videos about negative stories of being a young mum. i think if you have a look on a website at doctor phil, maybe they might have a video that I saw, which were young mothers going through a real reality check. If they do have the baby, I guess she is going to have to grow on to you, and ur going to have to be that supportive mother and grandmother to your grandchild. But definately source a few things up to show them to change their mind, even suggest abortion.

Answer 11

Don't go charging in guns blazing accusing people, maybe bring it up what this friend said to both of them together...don't accuse her, but just ask her why you think she said this when you were told it was an accident.

Try not to get into an argument, they have made their decision and you have to respect that. The best thing is to be supportive and try to help out as you know from experience how hard it must be for them.

Answer 12

All you can do is be supportive i'm afraid. Telling him how bad his gf is for getting pregnant on purpose or how stupid they are for being young will only push them away from you. Yeah it's not an ideal situation, but some people are worse off than your son and his girlfriend. However much you don't want this for your child, it's happened, and that is that. They're having a baby and there's little you can do about it now.

I'm sure she didn't intentionally want to ruin your sons future; wanting a baby with him must means she loves him.

I think the only thing you can do is hope for a better situation to come for your daughter and future grandchild. good luck x

Answer 13

My advice.  Love your grand child no matter what has happened.  Your son is 21 and well on his way of being an adult.  So is his girlfriend.  Don't be the mother-in law from h**l.  This will only break them up.  Support them in ways that you can, does not always have to be with money... but words of kindness and understanding.  Give them your advice when needed, but only when they ask.  

You know it takes two to create a baby, and that is what happened.  There is not such think as She made me do it,  or She trapped him into having a baby.  

Sorry you feel that way, but the quicker you get over it.  The better it will be.  Life it is to short to cause trouble like that.  

By the way (BTW) his life is not ruined just because he will be having a baby.  His life will be what ever he makes of it.  

I have a friend who had 3 kids by time he was 23, she was only 21.  He now owns his own business, house and has just about every toy made. (boats, 4 wheelers, 4x4 for hunting etc.).  No, he did not come from a family who has a lot of money.  He still went to collage and earned a business degree.

Answer 14

There is really nothing you can do about this situation. I would just be nice. Looks like Terri got what she wanted. I would say that Terri is the kind of person that gets what she wants and he will need to learn to deal with it. Hopefully, the are committed to the relationship and get married. They are adults and it is up to them to figure it out.