My son's going away... please help????

Question

well my son just got a 100% scholarship to a university in another country and he's leaving.. i want him to stay.. he usually goes out to parties and i make him come home early.. he feels that i don't let him do what he wants and says that he's 22 and should be allowed to do what he wants.. truth is i want someone at home at night in case i need something.. now he's going to another country and i can't seem to change his mind.. i already tried guilt- i told him to go and i'll just pray nothing happens to me at night, it made him change his mind for a little while but now he wants to go because he says it's a chance he may never get again.. how can i make him stay here.. i'm divorced and alone

Answer 1

lol, your funny mom, who is the parent here and who is the child here? you're acting like ur the child eh..?

Answer 2

he is not your parent he should not stay to take care of you .. at the other hand you are his parent and should help him do what's best for him ... he is going to another country he s going to begin a new life it's not easy and you should support him .. this is what parents are for .. pls act like one .  

Answer 3

I know it can be hard to let go, but the truth is, you can't stop your son from going. I'm sure you love him very much, and he loves you, but at some point you have to let him grow up and be his own person, he is not mummy's little boy anymore. If you try to force the issue and somehow make him stay with you, you will just end up hurting him and he will resent you for not allowing him to live his life.

Would you rather he stayed and ended up hating you, or went out there and became a happy healthy man who loves & respects his mother, but is capable of thinking, feeling, living and loving for himself?

ps. If you're lonely - get a dog :)

Answer 4

While i do not believe that it is a morally acceptable question. It is our job to answer questions and not to judge the question. That being said - If i were you I would follow your son to the new country. That is the easiest way to stop him going away. You stay with him and he gets his "once in a lifetime" experience.

Answer 5

i think you are being down right selfish !!!  , This scholarship is prolly the best thing that will ever happened to him , Grow up and stop guiling him into staying  

Answer 6

Please don't try and make him stay. You'll be just fine. It will take time, but just think of the experience he'll have. How often will something like that come along? That's an awesome opportunity! In the meantime, sounds like you can use some time to get yourself together. You should go pamper yourself, buy a new outfit, get your hair and nails done. Do something like join a book club or even a fitness club, take up a class like pottery or yoga-just something to get you out and enjoying your life. You deserve it anyway! You should be proud of your son, now go have some fun!!!

Answer 7

Are you kidding?  You want your adult child of 22 to be responsible for you?  You want him to forget about having a life so you don't have to get one.  Be fair, Mom!  

Answer 8

He is an adult let him live his life. He is going away to uni to get himself some good qualifications and secure himself a good future. A 100% scholarship is a once in a lifetime oppurtunity. It is rather selfish of you to want your son to give up his future.

If you need something at night why can't you get it yourself? What is so bad about night time?

Let him live his life, he is 22 for christ sakes. Not 2!

Answer 9

he's an adult now...im sure he can look after himself

Answer 10

You need to let him go sweetheart. He is a grown man now, and he needs to make his way in the world. You cannot hinder him for your own benefit. He has a real good chance here to make something of himself, for you and for him.

I understand you being alone. Can you join any clubs or groups in your area? Even a gym. Make some friends who you can lunch with, and friends who you can have girly nights in with - go back to your own teenage days! You could even get a pet to live with. Dogs can be very comforting. Do not underestimate the effect a pet can have on your life.

You may also want to see your Doctor. It sounds like you have some kind of anxiety if you feel like something will happen to you at night time (unless you only said that to guilt him?)

Please let him go, and please make sure he doesn't feel bad about it. He doesnt want to leave you, he just wants to make a real life for himself. Before you know it, he'll be all done with the travels, and will settle down with a great job. You can move near him, make your own friends, and your life will be much better.

Look after yourself, stand on your own two feet, and don't make it hard for him.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

Answer 11

I can understand why you might want him to stay but i do not think that it is fair, an 100% scholarship is AMAZING you should be really proud and most parents would be over the moon as universities usually end up costing a small fortune, your son is obviously very talented and i dought there is anything you can do to prevent him leaving and i am certainly not going to help you achieve it, is it really fare to ruin a young mans life just because you may want him around? Sometimes being alone is a sacrifice parents have to make in order for the wellbeing of their sons/daughters, and at his age of 22 it is time for you to do just that.

I hope you find this helpful

Answer 12

OMG your so selfish! You son has a 100% scholarship that is a once in a lifetime chance and you should be encouraging him to take it not trying to hinder him! if your that worried that apply for an exchange student or something like that... or buy a dog. Your gonna need to grow up and start taking care of your self and stop being a burden to your son.

Good Luck to you both, him for his bright future, you for your new life alone.

Answer 13

You can't hold your kid back and use him because you are lonely.  Get some therapy.