My son's original mother contacted me this weekend...?

Question

She wanted to know if I would be willing to bail her older son out of jail or at least give her something towards his bail…I told her that I did not have any money to spare. I have a son in college and two more that will be following shortly. She seemed to think that because we are receiving an adoption subsidy for “her son” (as she put it) we would have extra money to help out. The Subsidy that we receive goes directly into an account for our adopted son’s college expense. We do not touch a dime of that money ever…but I did not feel that I needed to explain that to her.

I guess he was arrested on a drug charge. She did not elaborate. If this was one of my children, I think I would let him stay in jail for a few days to teach them a lesson.

Now I am wondering if I did the right thing. I am very upset that the only time we have ever heard from her is to ask for money…not once did she ask how my (her) son was. But, this is my son’s brother…should I have helped bail him out of jail?

Answer 1

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!!! Leave him in jail! Let him learn a lesson instead of bailing him out.

Sounds like your son got lucky by getting you for his REAL mom!

Answer 2

Why should you feel bad?  It is not your responsibility.  Your responsibility revolves around your son.  Plus - would you really cared about what his 'brother' is up to?  sounds like he is up to no good anyways.  It is time for him and her to learn a lesson.

I wouldn't sweat it.

Answer 3

u hav dont the right thing stick wit wat u feel is best and whos to say that she woulndt coome bac for more money time and time again. good goin

Answer 4

No way, and it sounds like YOUR son is with great parents and has a better life than what he would have with his biological parents.

Answer 5

I think you have/are doing the right thing.  This is not your responsibility to help her, although you might want to help him (in other circumstances) since it is "your son's" brother.  However, he's involved in drugs and I agree needs to learn a lesson and sit in jail a while.  I'd do my best to steer clear of them as to keep your son out of harm's way - a bad example clearly being set by his ex-mother and his brother.

Answer 6

Wow. We are kind of in the same situation. My (her) son's mother wants me to take in my son's sister for the month of July because she "needs a break". I think you did the right thing by not giving her money. He is not your responsibility even if that's your son's sibling. All you have to worry about is YOUR children..those who are under your care. Don't feel bad...I have a big heart but there is a limit.

Answer 7

I would defiantly said no,it's not your responsibility to bail her son out of jail.

Answer 8

I absolutely do NOT think it is your responsibility to bail that boy out of jail. You adopted the other child, not the one in jail. Not to sound rude or anything, but the mother needs to step it up and take care of her own.

I hope you feel better about your decision. Don't stress about it b/c it isn't your problem.

Best of luck.

Answer 9

ICK.

That's horrible.

I'm sad for your son.

He deserves way more from her - than the nothing her has got.

I'm glad that he's safe and loved with you.

Of course you feel worried - and wondering whether you did the right thing - as that's what a good mother would do.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.

Answer 10

You don't owe him anything.  I'd let him stay in jail too, although I would still love him just the same.  It's called tough love.  It sounds like she is trying to "work" you.  I don't think you are responsible to your sons brother in any way.  He brought his trouble on himself.  Don't beat yourself up.  Let her deal with it.

Answer 11

Absolutely not you did the right thing and how naive of her to think you owe her anything the scum bum can stay in jail if you were to give her money for that reason you would be condoning his behavior its not your problem your doing the right thing by taking care of your children don't take from your kids to give to addicts you go girl and don't regret anything!!!! Good luck!

Answer 12

You were absolutely right. I think you need to get a unlisted telephone number and move away.

Answer 13

No I do not think that you did the wrong thing. If he wants to be dumb and do drugs then he can pay the consequences. Why would you want to take money out of a good child's college tuition to use to get someone out of jail on a drug charge.

Answer 14

I think it was SO inappropriate for your son's biological mother to ask you for money.

She can get a loan for his bail. And I agree with you - let him stay in there for a few days to learn a lesson!

Answer 15

he may be your sons brother but it does not sound like he would be a good influence in your sons life. leave it alone.

Answer 16

Do not give her money it is not your responsiblity.  I actually think it was quite rude of her to ask.

Answer 17

sounds like YOUR son was certainly the lucky one of the two. How about a no contact order so "mom" can't try to pass any more of her problems on to U. At the same time u have to feel for the other son, but first responsibility is to your son.

Answer 18

You were right for what you did. This may be your son's brother, but you did not raise him and he is not your responsibility. If all of you had a more family-like relationship i.e. frequently visiting and keeping communications open, I could see you feeling guilty- but in this situation, you absolutely shouldn't. It is her son that she has been raising and is her responsibility. You are doing nothing wrong and I commend you for being firm as well as conserving the subsidy $ you receive.

Answer 19

This lady is crazy do not give her any money at all. If you do she is likely going to ask for more.  Do not let her make you feel bad it is not your responsibility to bail her son out of jail. It may be your son’s brother but if you bail him out he will no doubt end up back in as most drug users/dealers do. That money you get is for the child you adopted, not for his birthfamily.

edit - If anything you might recommend some programs for her son.  To try and kick his drug problem.

Answer 20

h**l No you should'nt help out I don't give of d**n if it is your son's brother. She is dead wrong for coming to you with that any way, and personally I think she's up to no good. When she ever going to become a mother, h**l a woman she needs her a*s*s kicked. Don't you feel bad about anything you did nothing wrong, you are protecting you and what's your's. She can go blow off somewhere with that weak *** story. And if is true that her son is in jail O well, if he was bad enough to get into trouble he needs to be in there. Exspecially if it's for drugs (she's probably on) like you said leave his behind in ther. But you have no reason to feel like you did something wrong. You sound like a upstanding woman and she sounds like a con artist. Becareful of her she may try to pull some sneaky stuff on you, even becareful opening up your door to her. WISH YOU A UNIVERSE OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS

Answer 21

I think it doesn't matter what you do with that money or how much you have...that child is her responsibility and if he's over 18, that is his job. You did the right thing and you don't need to explain why you can't or won't do it.

Answer 22

Boy, she has a lot of nerve to call and ask you for money !  That is NOT your responsiblity and if I was you I would ask her not to contact you in the future, unless it has to do with your adopted son  !!!

Answer 23

I wouldn't give her a penny either. If the tables were turned and your son was in jail, do you think she would help bail him out?

If someone is rightfully arrested for drug charges, why do we need to let them out on bail anyway? Parting to buying and selling drugs is the risk that you can rightfully be thrown in jail - it is illegal.

Answer 24

u did it right! its her son and she needs to pay for his bail. just because u adopted her other son, doesn't mean u have to bail her other son out. don't feel bad or wonder if u did the right thing, i would've done the same thing.

Answer 25

Nope, you did right.

Answer 26

NOPE...move on b/c if u start know when will they leave u alone? PEACE

Answer 27

Nope. You did the right thing.  I agree with you. A few days in jail may teach them a lesson. Heck, I didn't even bail my boss out when he got a DUI.  He stopped drinking after that.

Answer 28

You did the right thing. By bailing him out of jail you would only be facilitating his drug behavior. Making him take responsibility for his actions is the best gift you could ever give that young man. Something that his mother probably has never done. (I'm guessing by how absurd that phone call was.)

You only feel guilty because you are good person who is probably not used to dealing with such devious munipulative people.

Answer 29

You did the right thing.

You are NOT responsible for the behavior of a child you did not raise, nor should you help mitigate the consequences of his actions.  His mother had no business contacting you for money.

Answer 30

Your first priority is to look after your own children and your own family (adopted, natural...who ever).  You don't need to let yourself be emotionally blackmailed into helping someone out who you don't owe a thing to.  We all have our own problems and it's time some people take responsibility for theirs.  Feel no guilt and get on living your lives.

Answer 31

walk away, this is not your issue.