My son's teacher informed me she wanted NO parent volunteers!?

Question

On Saturday my 6 year old's son's school had a "Meet The Teachers" coffee. I attended because my son is having a teacher none of my older children had. I was talking with her and I said "If you ever need any help with class parties or anything like that, I can help. I'm not always selected as room mother, but I do enjoy volunteering around the school." The teacher laughed and said "This is first grade, they don't need volunteers. Infact, I'm not even sure we'll have any class parties. These kids need to learn the good old fashioned way-no parties and no pathetic mommies and daddies coming in to volunteer." I almost smacked her, but then my oldest daughter's old teacher called me over to discuss the back-to-school bingo night.

The teacher's words have been bothering me. The kids in the class are 6 and 7. They deserve parties. It's a first grade tradition for the whole first grade to have a big holiday party. I talked with the other two first grade teachers and they said that they found that strange as well.

I'm not sure what to do. The teacher used to teach high school(she's new to the school), so I think that's why she's so strict. I've been thinking about requesting a teacher switch(you can do that, if you feel the teacher will be too tough on your child and I believe she will be on my son). I've heard about the teacher and have heard nothing good.

Please help! I'm really stuck on what I'm supposed to do. I'm not a teacher, but I am on the PTA. HELP!

Answer 1

well, classroom parties aren't a big deal, so i don't think it's so horrible that first graders don't have any.

But, I do agree with you that the teacher is kind of bitchy. She seems uptight and closed minded, the kind of person who should not not not be teaching small children. She's also hostile to parents, who kids still need at that age. Not to mention the fact that she's rude.

My suggestion? Complain to the principal. No one, especially little kids and parents who care, should have to take her c**p.

Answer 2

In our school ,Kindergarten really needs and asks for volunteers. After that, it is up to the teachers in each room. No one says frankly that they don't need volunteers, but they do give ridiculous volunteer schedules or have no work for parent in the class, till the parent gets the hint and stops volunteering.

In another school nearby, the prinicpal has given the teachers the freedom to state upfront whether or not they want in-class volunteers.

I was disappointed that year after year my kids get teachers who don't welcome classroom volunteers, while my neighbors get to go in every week. But, I totally respect the teacher's decision, and I really feel, if I were a teacher, I would prefer not to have volunteers in the classroom. I compare teaching 20 kids to cooking an elaborate dinner in my kitchen everyday. And, I really really cannot do it with others around, underfoot, no matter how willing they are to help.

About parties, it would be very strange to not have Halloween, Holiday, ThanksGiving, Valentine's, 100th day parties if the other rooms are having. The parties might be modified to respect religious and other differences, but no parties at all is very strange. You could team up with some more parents adn request her to have them in the classroom.  But, you cannot demand this or make it an issue with the prinicpal.

Switch teacher - absolutely not. Unless there is reallly a big problem, I would never request a switch. Kids are never too young to learn that teachers and later colleagues, cannot always be chosen.

Answer 3

Ask for a parent teacher conference with the principal.  Discuss your concerns with the teacher and the principal.  I would agree with you.  Parental involvement often leads to more success in school.  If the teacher doesn't want volunteers, maybe she has something to hide.

Answer 4

I would request a meeting with the teacher and principal to clarify what the teacher said and voice your concerns.  Seeing as she was a HS teacher, she may just need a kind reminder that this is elementary school.  If you still are not happy, request a change.  Good luck and hope you and your kids have a great school year!

Answer 5

It was kind of rude what she said, but i can understand her point.  Why would a classroom need volunteers anyways?  Growing up there were never any parents volunteering in the classroom and i've never seen any parents volunteering in my daughter's class either.  In my daughter's school, if a class needs help with say a party or something, a high schooler comes in and helps out.

Answer 6

This is the teachers prerogative.  Parties are not mandatory and kids aren't really missing out by not having parties in school.  I have volunteered at parties and they end up not really being parties at all.  Kids sit at their desk and eat and maybe chat a little.  They aren't missing much.

I would not switch until you see a real problem

Answer 7

Request a meeting with the teacher and ask her to clarify her statement.  Tell her you're not comfortable with all the other classes having parties except for your child's class.  If she blows you off again, speak with the Principal.  Get other parents' opinions and have them accompany you to meet with the Principal, if you think it will help.

Answer 8

I'm on your side, I think she is RUDE ! If it were my son I would change teachers, I think she might not like kids.

Answer 9

As a former teacher myself, I am absolutely DISGUSTED that any teacher would speak that way to a parent, especially one who is offering to help out! I would go to the principal tomorrow, and have it in writing that you would like to request a classroom change for your son. Its not about the parties- its about the fact that the teacher feels its ok to speak to a parent that way. Perhaps the reason she wants no volunteers in her classroom is because she has something to hide??? I would be VERY leary about leaving any of my children with someone like that.

Answer 10

I would have went straight to the Principal's office and complained. The teacher calling you pathetic was way beyond inappropriate and she should be reprimanded!

Answer 11

I'm not as concerned about her party statement as her keeping parents out of the classroom.  That, to me, is a huge red flag.  Without parents in the room, a teacher has carte blanche to behave in any way she so chooses.

The classroom does not belong to to the teacher.  It belongs to the people who pay for it - the taxpayers - and the people who have children in it - the parents.

You have a right to be in that classroom, unannounced, whenever you so choose.

If this was my child's teacher, my child would be removed, immediately.  If the school would not place her in another class, we would change schools or homeschool.

All the best.

Answer 12

Sounds like a good teacher to me.  A teacher who is interested in the child's education rather than the child socializing.  In my opinion school is a place for educating our children, if you want your kids to have an active party life have parties at your home, they don't need them in school.  Perhaps all the parties is why the U.S. is so far behind every other country when it comes to educating our young.

Answer 13

It is not uncommon for teachers of that grade level to refrain from having parent assistants in the class - for the first month or so - to aid in the transition of the children.  The separation anxiety that some children have needs to be overcome and it would be hindered if parents were present from day one.  HOWEVER, as a Teaching Assistant, I am disgusted at the response that you received.

Parent participation is a VITAL role in the childs education and strengthens the community ties between family and school.  How can we expect parents to assist their children with homework etc., if there is this division??

As far as the parties, they are important to help in both the enjoyment of the school year AND the social interraction with students in the classroom as opposed to the playground.  These are also a time for the parents to get to know each other - when you think about it, you are going to be around these people for years in one way or another, best to meet them at the offset!!!

I strongly suggest that you meet with the teacher AND the principal to discuss this matter and possibly try to get some other parents who have the same concerns behind you.  Strength is always in numbers!!

Good luck and I truly hope things improve.  (If worse comes to worst, do you have an option to move your child into another classroom?)

Answer 14

Did the teacher actually say "No pathetic mommies and daddies coming in to volunteer"? Or was that what she implied and used other words? if she actually used the word "pathetic" to describe parents, you need to go to the Principal's office first thing Monday morning.

If not, it is just a case of: you expressed your ability and desire to volunteer, she refused. Good enough, respect her decision.

Tough teacher: what makes you think she'll be tough? All you know is based on hearsay.  Even if she is tough? so what? maybe the kids will learn more, less time will be wasted?

Parties: they are a nice to have. But, not a necessity. Anything kids learn or get to practice at parties, they have ample chance to learn the same in regular school days.

Switch:  Why? Can you find one tangible reason? You said "I believe she will be tough on my son". Do you mean she will single out your son or is her nature too tough for your son learning style? Either way, you are just guessing what will happen in the future.

Perhaps, you are known in school to be a parent who spends too much time in school, and teachers are sometimes not comfortable having such involved parents around. It is not right, but, it is a fact, that parents who are too involved in kid's school are not always welcome in classrooms.

Answer 15

That is a very strange thing for the teacher to say.  I would not want my kid in that class!  

However, I think the best way to handle this is calmly.  I would write a note (e-mail or hand delivered) to the principal and say something like this...

"Dear <Principal>,

I am the mother of <All your kids names here>, and have really loved being a part of this school.  I really want to be involved in my children's education and the school community as a whole.  I have plenty of time to volunteer and be involved.  However, I am concerned because when I asked <Teacher's Name> to contact me if she needed any help this year in <your 1st graders name>'s class, she told me she did not want parent volunteers.  She also indicated that the children could would no longer be having the traditional periodic celebrations.  I can understand if more time needs to be devoted to classroom instruction, but feel there are still ways that I could be of service.  I feel uncomfortable being completely uninvolved with <your 1st graders's Name>'s class this year.  Is there a time we can meet to discuss this?

This would be a tactful way to let the principal know that she's shooting down parent involvement.  Likely he doesn't know, but you don't want to go in saying " Mrs. Mitchell is going to be a terrible first grade teacher - she won't even let them have any parties!!!".  It's possible that he'll address the issue with the teacher, but also possible he'll decide that your family fits better with one of the other teachers that is more accomodating of your child's learning style.  

Answer 16

I find it really hard to believe that the teacher said that - YIKES. I seriously hope you are exagerating or else how sad for that school and all those students.

I know at my school parties are a hot topic. We can't celebrate specific holidays therefore our parties have to be seasonally themed. We can never have a Christmas party.  Perhaps that is where she is coming from.

As for volunteering, some teachers are really weird about that and you have to respect it BUT still be available and out there. If you want into your child's classroom, build a relationship with the teacher. I'll tell you that the harsher you come across the less likely she will let parents in the room. I would highly suggest continuing to volunteer within the school with all school programs so that you are seen and available.

Perhaps you can skirt around it like asking the librarian,p.e teacher or volunteer coordinator if they need help so you will still be super involved and see your kiddo but not directly be in the class.  You could also ask her if she needs like a book order person or someone to correct homework.

Maybe she doesn't get what it is like to be in an elementary school and my theory is to always"kill them with kindess".  Always be willing and eventually (hopefully) she will give in.  High school is a different balll game and if she thinks she can run an elementary classroom without parent involvement she is going to be in for a rude awakening!

My other suggestion is to avoid the gossiping at all possible or at least don't do it with the other teachers -- that is unprofessional and teachers talk/share with each other.  You don't want to build a bad relationship with the teacher.

Answer 17

i would switch teachers

she seems kind of bitchy and i wouldnt want someone like taht teaching my children.

I even know some high school teachers who still have parties.. so first graders should definitely get to enjoy them

Answer 18

Ok, so the teacher doesn't want to do parties...really no biggy. The question I would have for her is then what do you plan on doing to reward the children? What kind of positive reinforcement will she be using? What happens when a child does something wrong? I would then clarify to her that I was offering my help to her not the kids. I volunteered and most of it was helping the teacher not really sitting with the kids that much. My sons teacher  has a classroom shop...the kids get fake money for tasks or whatever and at the end of the marking period she sets up a fake shop and allows them to "buy" stuff with their fake money. I'm not a huge fan of the public school system though.

Answer 19

I would def. change yours sons teacher, It's first grade, little kids, they deserve parties, and whatnot.