My son (7y.o.) is devastated by my BF's "disappearance", How can I help through this?

Question

My BF has been in jail for the past 4 months, my kids don't know, I've told them he's out of town. I have no idea how long he'll be away for, no trial yet. One of my sons is completely devastated by him being gone. He cries all the time, like a total sobbing melt-down, crying out "He's never coming back". I thought he'd start to forget about him by now, but it's getting worse, more frequent. My boyfriend was only around for about a year, and didn't spend alot of time with my kids, but my son got very attached quickly.

I don't know how to help my son get through this. For awhile I was just reassuring him that he will come back and that he loves us and misses us too. But I'm at the point where I'm ready to end this relationship b/c I just don't see a good future with this guy. I don't want to lie to my son and say he's coming back if he won't be (b/c I break up with him). I let my son talk to him when he calls (which is rare) and write letters. Son seems so confused + depressed.

Answer 1

My son is 8. When he was 7 I dumped my live-in b/f of a year. He was really upset with me because they really liked eachother. I explained to him that he wasn't good for us. If your already thinking about ending it then do it. Tell your son the truth...he can handle it...you have to do what is best for you and him. If you don't see a future you are probably correct. I know i wouldn't want to explain to my son that his step-dad is a jailbird.

Answer 2

Why don't you tell your son the truth? Then he will realize that your boyfriend has no choice in the matter. It might help if you get the boyfriend to send the child a letter now and then.

Answer 3

I agree with the other person tell him the truth and let him sob a few hours but put it as nice as you can to him don't just say he never coming back I'm braking up with him and he will prob ask why then you just tell him

Answer 4

i thought at first you said "appearance"

why the h**l is your bf in jail? it looks like you need a new bf. oh please.

Answer 5

your kids need to know the truth and you need to stop protecting your boyfriend and think about your kid's feelings. they might not choose to miss him as much or even cry if they knew the truth. i'm thinking that if he's locked up to begin with he's probably not good for your or your kids. stop covering up for him and find someone you don't have to lie for.