My son does not have anything that soothes him, like a lovey. Separation anxiety extreme!?

Question

He's only 11 months old, but he's walking around and plays with all of the toys around. But when I put him to bed nothing will soothe him to sleep except for me. When I leave to go to the store or something, it's really bad. He screams so hard he vomits. I hear all the time moms saying their child has a lovey, a blanket or a teddy bear, that their child loves and helps soothe them. I've tried introducing him to teddy bears when he goes to bed but he throws them. He doesn't stay covered up or cuddled up with blankets when he sleeps cause he's all over the place all night. So nothing so far works.

So I guess my question(s) is/are, how do you get a child to connect with something like a lovey so it's easier on him/her?? And how do you break this separation anxiety, even just a little, so it's not so heartbreaking every time...

Answer 1

He will choose a snuggle item when he is ready. Laying him in bed and staying in the room for a little while without holding him may help with the bedtime separation. You didn't say if there is another parent but if there is, make it his job for while to put the baby to bed. Have a routine such as bath, bottle, story and bed that whoever is putting him to sleep will follow. Keep it soothing, no rough housing or active playing.

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When you leave the house, does he cry the whole time you are gone or does whoever you are leaving him with try to get him interested in something else? Do not make a big deal about leaving- get yourself ready, give him a kiss and say you will be back in a little while and go. Even if he cries keep going. Give him a kiss when you get back and keep it low key.

It is difficult to do, but with time it will get easier. Just know that he is safe and well taken care of and it is okay to be gone for a little while!

Answer 2

I have four children of my own, two with "loveys" two without. I don't know at this age if you can introduce a lovey or not, but as far as the separation anxiety, you may just need to let him scream for awhile. I know it's heartbreaking, but it's really not hurting him and it won't make him feel abandoned. I've had to do that with my youngest and she's just fine. She's very much a mommy's girl and now she goes to sleep w/o any problem. As far as leaving him to go to the store, maybe you need to do it more often so you son learns that though you may leave for awhile, you will come back and he can feel more secure that way. If you continue to lay with him until he falls asleep or never leave him, he'll continue with the screaming because he knows that it will keep you near him. I know that this will be extremely hard to do. It's heartbreaking to hear your child scream and you'll want sooo bad to go to him but you have to realize that in the end, it'll be better. It'll make you both feel better. He'll end up feeling more secure knowing that even though you're not right beside him, you'll always be somewhere near.

Answer 3

When you snuggle with him at bedtime, put a teddy bear or blanket between you.  Make him jealous and you snuggle with it.  He'll get the idea in a few weeks.

Answer 4

You should carry that bear or toy around with you every where. Dont make him jelous of it or he will learn to dislike it but make him interested in it. If mommy likes it then maybe I will too. Lay with it and offer your son to lay with you both. With you all snuggling together he will learn to trust the lovey. That way when you lay him down he will not have mommy there but will have the lovey and its second best to mommy. Good luck!