My son doesn't want me to have a boyfriend. How should I handle this?

Question

My 17 year old son doesn't want me to have a boyfriend. He even told my niece who is 23 years old. I haven't had a boyfriend in over a year now and that was after 3 years of being single. Now I have been talking to this guy and my son has started his attitude again. He's really mean and rude to me. Gives me attitude even if I go for a walk. Says rude things about the person I am talking to. He's mean to our cats. He causes me anxiety and makes me nervous. What should I do?

Answer 1

i think you should respect your son and not date.

Answer 2

Don't talk about having a boyfriend. Spend a lots of time with your son (as musch as he needs) and try to get closer to him and figure it out what really his problems are. Let him talk, when he feels like talking about it. He is a kid. Even adults have difficulties to sort out their thoughts and feelings.

Tell him you have unconditonal love for him and that you respect him, that is why you care about his feelings. When he is hurting you he is putting up a wall between you two. If you two stop communicating that won't bring any solution. You have the right to live your life the way you want it just like your son. You guys might need to compromise. Ask what he wants? How would he want his single mom to live her life? What do you expect from him?

Approach each other with love, respect, trust and with the willingness to hear and understand to other point of views.

Please find another safe home for your cats.

Answer 3

Time to take charge of the relationship.  Be the adult.  He is 17, time for him to get over his Dad not being in his life.  Tell him to stop acting like a 4 year old.  When he disrespects you, you take away priviledges.  Plain and simple.  The one thing I am concerned about is the animal abuse thing.  That is just a sign that he is going to be a woman beater.  He needs counseling Mom, get with the program.

Answer 4

Tell him that you deserve a shot at happiness and that if he carries on his bad behavior then you will just get closer to this new guy.

Explain to him that he has no right to treat you in this way and ask him how he would like it if he got a girlfriend and you disapproved and was mean to him and banned her from visiting the house etc. He wouldnt like it.

Tell him you appreciate his opinon and concern for you but that you are old enough to make up your mind about this new guy for yourself.

If he still continues this attitude then completely ignore him and then he might realise that what he is doing is upsetting you greatly and he might say sorry for his behavoir.

He is probaly just not used to the idea that you have found someone new.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Send him to stay with his grandma  

Answer 6

I have to say, I agree with Sheepy-X.

You deserve to be happy in your life. Your son is acting extreamly immature about it all. You should sit down with him and discuss it. But, in the long run, he will eventually move out and get on with his life, and where will you be? Don't spend your time alone just because your son is acting up.

Answer 7

he is 17 and tell him to grow up.  don;t let a kid tell you want to do.

Answer 8

Are you the parent or the kid?

I would never let my child make a decision for me.

Answer 9

Dont let the kid run you. Put him in his place.

d**n, you must be really horny...lucky guy who meets you!

Answer 10

wait until ur son is ready for u 2 date again he may just be holding on 2 u, his dad, and him so make him feel comfortable b4 u date again (or just wait till he moves out LoL!) :) hope i help! :)

Answer 11

tell him how he is making you feel and that he is behaving like a selfish brat.

start dating regardless of what he thinks, its your life and future happiness involved here

Answer 12

I think that at 17 he needs to just accept the fact that you want (and deserve) to have a life.  If he is hurting animals, you might want to have him visit a psychiatrist.  

Answer 13

He needs some support in order for him to discuss his feelings of betrayal and rejection by his dad.  They are real for him and he is protective of you and doesn't want to see you get hurt or he, himself doesn't want to get close to a male only to have him leave and reject him again.  It is very normal to strike out like that.  He is hurting.  He needs a soft shoulder to lean on.  Keep the cats out of his way.  They shouldn't be subjected to his anger.  I hope you get him help now because this anger and rage inside of him will only increase and he could take it out on women his whole life.   He has built a huge wall around himself to protect his feelings so it will take time for him to be aware  of actually finding the words to express how he feels.  Help him.  Give him the attention that you would give a man you would date.  That can wait but your son can't .  Find a good therapist and see that he goes.  Go with the guise that YOU need help and want him to go with you for support.  Then the sessions will move on to help him instead.  Good luck.  The kid is hurting.  Really badly.

Answer 14

you have got speak with your relatives and tell them that this is an issue between yo and your son, ask them to respect you as a mother and that next time your son speaks about this issue they should all reinforce that you DO have a right to have a boyfriend. The you have got to to sit him down and calmly TELL him this is not going to be a shouting match or a stupid childish fight, tell him he has no right to interfere with your life, you have a right to have boyfriends/friends just as much as he does. Ask him how he would feel if you treated him and his friends with an attitude every time they came over? Be firm and show him a little authority you are the boss of you not him, he needs to grow up at 17 he is too old for this childish brat behaviour. You pay the bills you raised him so he needs to learn a little respect. He may be worried that your choice of boyfriend is bad but at the back of it all I'd say he is suffering from that simple but incidious emotion known as JEALOUSY. Get a grip on him, he wont fare very well in the world if he disrespects his own mother. There is nothing worse in a male than this as he treats all women afterwards with disrespect. Good luck.  

Answer 15

Ask him why he doesn't want you to have a boyfriend, maybe he just can't stand that fact that you want to date someone who is not his father - it's very hard for a child when the parents are not together but that is no reason for him to be mean to the cats or be rude to you.

Anyway maybe you should date this guy without your son knowing and when he's ready you should tell him about it whether he likes it or not, you could also try stopping him from dating a girl and you can see how he reacts to that and tell him that you feel the same way when he says that to you.

I hope it helps and really I think you should start dating again, it will do you good.